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I am a strong woman. I don’t need a man to fight my battles. I don’t want a partner who makes assumptions and acts without consulting me. But the thought of never touching Cal again, never seeing him blush when I openly admire his body, never cooking with him or smashing raspberries into his face is, frankly, abhorrent. Losing him again would be like losing the ability to taste food.
But the wordsYes, I can trust himdon’t come easily either.
Knocking sounds from Larkin’s front door.
It’s him, I instantly think. The assumption is followed by a leap of my heart, like the lovesick organ is answering Larkin’s question without hesitation. But I don’t move. If I can’t verbalize a reply to Larkin, how can I face Cal?
“Stay here,” she says, annoyed. “Guy can’t give you ten minutes to untangle the mess he created. I’ll tell him to go away.”
She plunks her wineglass on her coffee table and marches to her door. From my angle, I can’t see Callahan. All I hear is Larkin’s sharp intake of breath. Followed by, “You have some fucking nerve showing up at my home.”
Even with Larkin’s offer to hide Cal’s body, that level of fury is surprising. I hurry over, only to find Jake standing in her doorway. But this is no Jake I know. If someone pasted a picture of “remorse” in the dictionary, this would be it. Jake’s hair is askew from restless fingers, his brow lined and drawn. His eyes are so apologetic they’re twin pools of regret.
“I’m sorry,” he tells Larkin in a plaintive croak. Definitely not the Jake I know.
She crosses her arms. “Fornotdoing what you were supposed to do twelve years ago or for showing up now, when you know the sight of you makes me want to claw out your eyes?”
Jake winces like he’s been slapped. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “For everything, even though the words are useless. I know you don’t want me here, but I need to talk to Jo.” He glances past Larkin’s rigid shoulder at me. “Please,” he adds.
“Over my dead body,” Larkin says. “Or, preferably, yours.” With how tall and fit Larkin is, she should be our bar bouncer, and she isn’t caving an inch to Jake’s heartfelt pleas.
I’m not quite so immune. “It’s okay, Lark. I’d like to talk to him. We’ll go outside.”
Jake nods at me and goes to turn, but he glances at Larkin again. His eyes do a slow sweep of her face, a hint of unexpected longing in his expression.
Maybe I was wrong about the word “remorse.” He’s the definition oftortured.
“You okay?” I ask Larkin before following him out.
“Never better,” she mutters and marches back to the living area.
Feeling like I’m in my own brittle shell, I join Jake at his truck. Both of us lean against the hood. The night is quiet, most stars blotted out by clouds.
“I just came from Cal’s,” he says, but his attention keeps flicking to Larkin’s closed door.
“He called you to come over, I guess? Told you I left.”
“No.” He shakes head and rubs his eyes. “I was on the street for a bit, parked outside. We knew he was planning to tell you everything tonight, and I figured you’d be upset and probably leave. I wanted to be there for him.”
This is why I stayed with Jake as long as I did. He’s a sweet man. “He’s lucky to have you.”
“No, Jo. He’s not.” His lips twist into a frown. “I knew he was into you when we were younger. That’s why I asked him if I could take you out. I also expected him to pretend he didn’t care, say it was okay to date you, because that’s what Cal does. Puts everyone before himself, even if it kills him. And I let him do it. Convinced myself he didn’t have feelings for you, even though, deep down, I knew he’d be hurt, because I was a selfish asshole back then.”
He rubs at the creases on his brow. “Cal doesn’t show emotion easily. He hides himself under smiles and polite talk. But I saw how jealous he was when I was with you. Watched him struggle to hold himself together when you were over. I know my brother and haven’t always done right by him, but in all our fucked-up years, I’ve never seen him as upset as he was tonight. That includes witness protection.”
My heart twists painfully.
Cal’s as upset over losing me as I am over losing him, and I’m so mad. Angry at him for putting us both through this. For ruining the best thing that’s ever happened to me. “He did this to himself,” I say.
“He did, but for the right reasons. The last thing he ever wanted was to hurt you.”
I lean my tailbone into the hard metal of Jake’s truck, hoping the ache behind my breastbone eases. It doesn’t. I don’t want to be mad. I want to rise above, forgive and move forward with the man I love. It all seems so daunting.
“More than anything,” I admit quietly, “I think I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“When your family disappeared, it wrecked me. I was so confused. Scared and worried about you all, but also angry and hurt. What happened tonight was a taste of that same agony, but worse. Like, completely suffocating. And Cal and I have only just started dating. I think I’m scared of getting in even deeper with him and losing him down the road. That kind of pain…” I force a swallow and shrug.
