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“We’re always talking about Jolene. I heard about her accident. She okay?”
Probably not since I kissed her to the clouds and back, then left her as quickly as humanly possible. “She seemed better this morning.”
I drop my eyes. Can’t risk Lennon sussing out how deep I’m in with her.
“For once in your life, Cal, can you be honest?”
I force my focus up and don’t like what I see. Serious Lennon is worse than Meddling Lennon. “I’m honest.”
“Not with yourself. Or with Jake. Or Jolene. I’ve been beating around this triangular bush, waiting for you to admit how much you like her, and I’m tired of waiting.”
My face heats. Iwasbrutally honest with Jo last night. Look where that got us. “You know damn well—”
He shoves his hand in front of my face. “Before you say anything about Jake, I’m pretty sure he’s not really into her. There’s other stuff going on with him.”
A stone drops through the sudden quiet of my mind. Jake has seemed off lately. More intensely off than I expected, even with Jolene’s rejection. “What stuff?”
“Don’t know, and it’s not the subject at hand. You killing yourself by keeping away from Jo is the issue. I saw you two together at soccer, having a blast. At the Barrel, joking around. You’re both so fucking into each other, and you’re not willing to do anything about it. You need to be honest with Jake. Talk to him about your feelings. He wants what’s best for you.”
“How is hurting Jake best for me?” I keep my voice down, but honestly. Does Lennon want to ruin our family again? “What good will come out of telling him?”
“Gee, I don’t know.” He taps his chin dramatically. “You might finally take a breath and be happy.”
“Thanks for the sarcasm.”
“Thrilled to deliver it.” He plants his hand on my shoulder. “Your fear is driving you, nothing else. It’s why you do secret deeds you shouldn’t for me and everyone else. You think if you control everything, then nothing bad will happen to us. But news flash—you’re not omnipotent. Bad stuff will happen to Jake and Jolene. To me when I do absent-minded shit like forget building permits, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But there’s one thing you can control.” He knocks his fist into my chest. “Your Jolene-obsessed heart. Take control of your life. Finally go after what you want.”
He stalks back to the group, and I waver on my feet. Should I take his advice? Tell Jake how I feel about Jo? Admit the lies I told when he first asked permission to date her and confess that I kissed the woman he wants? Or do I keep him happy and keep my betraying mouth shut?
“Cal.” Jake interrupts my mental gymnastics and points to a table. “Let’s sit and talk.”
I’m back on that wooden plank, following my captain’s orders, shark-infested waters surrounding me as I’m pushed toward a fate I can’t evade.
chapterthirty-two
Callahan
Jake likes making direct eye contact. It’s his thing. He thinks intensive staring allows him to read our moods and lies. Normally, I’m excellent at presenting a neutral front.Nothing to see here, move along.There’s no way I’m neutral at this juncture.
Our brothers have all left. Jake probably kicked them out so he could have my undivided attention. Force me to spill my guts.
He doesn’t start with pleasantries. “We’re not leaving here until you tell me what’s going on.”
“It’s nothing,” I say. The comment is a cursory admission that somethingisoff. Pretending I’m fine won’t cut the mustard. His eye contact is extra laser focused this morning. “I’m dealing with the issue.”
“Clearly not.” He turns his laser beams to high. “I know you, Cal. Lived with you for most of your life. I’ve been giving you space, hoping you’ll come to me when you’re ready, but I’m done waiting. Something is eating at you. You haven’t worked yourself this hard since the early days of WITSEC. I want to know why.”
Guilt is a termite burrowing through me. Eating into my organs, my bones.
My hands turn damp.
“Cal,” he says more insistently, “you better speak the fuck up. You’re scaring me.”
The bell above the door jingles. Mrs. Jackson walks in and waves at Delilah. Two teens are huddled on the comfy yellow chairs by the far window, laughing as they look at their phones. It’s nice to see happy faces, but all I feel is tired. Exhaustion so thick my jaw finally loosens.
“I broke up you and Jo,” I say. Not the confession I expected to blurt. A confession, nonetheless. Jo may have said my scheme wasn’t why she ended things with Jake. Still, I was a catalyst, and my intentions were malicious.
I work my jaw and brace myself. Wait for Jake to explode.
