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With the designated area for kids set up outside and Connor in his bouncer seat, Erin and I were able to drink a cup of coffee and talk with each other while we waited for Neils to return. It was then that she told me they were going to get a suite at the hotel there for a while, just in case I needed something while going through this.
To me, it felt like too much. It would be different if Erin was here alone and if she was the one staying with me, but to have her whole family, I felt I was putting them all out of their way for something silly. Even if my heart was broken, the thought of all of them staying in Islamorada for me was just too much.
But Erin wasn’t one to be dissuaded either when she made up her mind to do something.
I had a feeling she hadn’t even mentioned it to Neils yet, but since he let her be the one to make a lot of the decisions, it wouldn’t surprise me that she’d make the final decision here.
“Okay, if you don’t want me to stay here for you, then think of it as us staying to get out of Key West for a while. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to get out of there overnight, so why not come up a couple of hours away for a few days? It would do Libby some good, too, I’m sure.”
“I don’t know about that,” I argued.
“Sure, it would,” she insisted. “With Libby here, she can see you perform your gig that’s coming up, and she can see where the hard work and dedication lead. It could very well be the boost she needs in her life to keep practicing the piano, you know?”
“That’s fair, but what she’s going to see is someone who gets nervous on stage and doesn’t know what to say. Or sing, for that matter.”
“You’re going to sing the song you just wrote,” Erin said. “Don’t toss that out of the way just because of what happened with your relationship. It’s not like you have to forget about your talent just because you’re in a tough spot right now.”
“Aren’t you afraid that’s going to be awkward?” I asked.
“Why would it be?” she replied.
“I don’t know. I guess because I want the audience to connect with me, and it’s not likely they’re going to if I’m singing a song that’s the absolute opposite of what I’m feeling. They say the best performances come from the heart, and it’s going to tear my heart out to try to do this, let alone actually do it.”
“What’s going to help with that?” she asked me.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Getting some sort of memory eraser and making me forget the past forty-eight hours? That would be great.”
Erin laughed. “If you use that too much, you’re going to find yourself not even sure who you are anymore. Trust me, you’ve got this. And I really think by going out and performing the song even when you’re not in the best place yourself is going to show you just how strong you are.”
I chuckled. I knew Erin was just trying to help, but it wasn’t helping as much as I would have liked it to. I didn’t feel strong at all right now. I felt like I wanted to just curl up in bed with a bottle of wine and just cry. I didn’t want to think or feel or even consider getting on stage in front of a bunch of people who all thought my life was great.
And I really didn’t want to perform a song that would give off the impression that my life was great, either. Right now, there wasn’t much that made me want to smile, and I felt I was in entirely the wrong frame of mind to get up and perform in front of a bunch of strangers.
“I just wish Neils would get back here and tell us how things went,” I said.
“Maybe they’ll come back together, and he’ll apologize to you,” Erin said.
I laughed. “I doubt it. Gavin was so mad at me that I don’t know if he’s ever going to speak to me again. I’m sure it’s going to go back to being awful between us and the fact that we live right next to each other is going to be even worse than before.”
“Oh no,” Erin said. “I hope it’s not. You were pretty upset about that when you first moved in.”
“It made me want to move out. But not as bad as I do now. I mean, I don’t want to live next to someone who’s going to make me feel like shit. And living next to him after everything will definitely do that,” I admitted.
“Sure, but only if you let it,” she said. “First, keep in mind that you did nothing wrong. He is the one who freaked out over something that he shouldn’t have, and you were the one who took the blame.”
“But that doesn’t help with what I’m facing now,” I sighed.
“True. I just don’t want you to think that you were the one in the wrong. He doesn’t deserve you or what you were trying to do for him. It’s fucked up that he freaked out the way he did, that’s for sure,” Erin said.
“Thanks, girl,” I told her with a forced smile.
Truth be told, I appreciated the way she was trying to make me feel better. But there was another part of me that just wanted to forget about the entire thing. I didn’t want to do much with myself right now, and I knew she worried I was going to slip into depression if she didn’t help me out with this.
Still, part of me was already slipping into depression. Although she was doing what she could to help. I hated that I was dealing with heartbreak. I hated this entire situation. But it was all part of the way things went when trying to find love, and I knew I had to accept that risk.
“There’s Neils!” Erin cried suddenly.
My heart skipped a beat, but I didn’t turn around.
