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Arvo holds his arm to stare at it. “That one doesn’t have any fancy beads on it, though.”
I tousle his hair. “That doesn’t matter. Yours is still my favorite.”
He brings the bracelet close and fingers the beads, studying them intently. His lips and brows shift and pucker. I have always loved watching thoughts play out on his sweet face. He moves so he can be sure I am paying full attention to him. “Wehna, how can the birds see where they are flying if it’s so dark all the time?”
My chest tightens as his innocent eyes clap on to mine, wide in anticipation of my response. Sometimes I forget the ténesomni is all he can remember. I try to ignore the way my throat has tightened and force my mind to formulate a response.
“What do you see when you look into the sky?”? Arvo squeezes his eyes shut and ponders intently. It looks almost painful. I can’t help but smile. He scrunches his nose and nods with finality before looking at me again. “Blackness.”
I bob my head. “That may be true for us, but the birds don’t see it like we do. Neither do the animals”
“How come?”
“Because this shadow is not meant for them.”
Arvo shifts onto hands and knees. He leans forward and peers at me as if he’s trying to assess my sanity.
“Wehna, you don’t make any sense.”
I roll my eyes and reach over to tickle his exposed armpits. He collapses in a fit of giggles. When we both get a chance to catch our breath, I hold his arm up and finger each of the flying bird beads. “Remember, fledgling, there’s a place where this darkness ends. One day, we’ll find it together.” I let his arm drop, and he grins when it smacks softly onto his face. “Then you’ll get to see the stars.”
The lanuum cakes don’t take long on the grill. I stack them into a little tower that wobbles precariously, purely for Arvo’s benefit. He snickers as I struggle to balance them. I kick two cushions from the huge pile reserved for the caeruméni gatherings my parents host.
Hosted.
I bite my lip.
I need to be strong.
“Do you want to pray tonight, or should I?”
Arvo makes a show of thinking it through, his lips pressed into a tight little line. He points at me.
I nod. Setting down the dish between us, I reach for my brother’s hands. Squishy and warm. The way his fingers cling to mine sends a little shot of comfort to my heart.
“Elyon, we thank you for all you have provided. We have nothing that you did not give us. We trust you to use this meal in us to shine in the ténesomni like stars.” A twinge of guilt tugs at the words, a tether restricting the bird-like flight of my prayers. I don’t want to shine. I just want to survive.
“And keep my mada and pada safe.”
The sincerity in Arvo’s pure voice shames me. I squeeze his hands and echo his plea in my heart.
“Elyon érit agértu,” I whisper. The Highest will act.
Our supper is simple but satisfactory. Arvo inhales two whole cakes, and I force myself to stop at one. We can still get another meal out of them if I am disciplined.
With a full belly and the warmth of the fire curling around him like a cloud, Arvo soon dozes off. I stoop to pick him up, slipping my arms under his knees and shoulders. He is light, like a hollow-boned bird. I press my cheek to his forehead, letting his warmth chase away the chill that tries to grip my every waking moment. The bed we’ve shared since he could walk dwarfs him in size. I pull the heavy wool quilt over him, trapping the beautiful bracelet between it and his heart.
“Sleep, sweet boy,” I whisper, brushing my knuckles across his smooth, light-brown skin before slipping out the door and down the rickety stairs with a lantern in hand.
At the first landing, I pause and knock on the door, trying to ignore the chill of darkness that presses against my spine. A grisly faced woman opens it a crack, scowling at me from under fleshy brows.
“I need to go out, Gotrel,” I say, my voice more confident than I feel. “Will you keep an ear out for Arvo? Help him if he needs anything?”
The woman’s thin mouth opens in a sneer. “Out, you say? Leavin’ that poor boy alone again, are ya?” She shakes her head. “What would your ma and pa say, I wonder?”
My throat squeezes at the mention of my parents, and air whistles in through my teeth. “Please. Please just say you’ll be there for him if he goes looking for me.”
Gotrel’s eyes are like faded violets. They narrow, and I squirm inwardly under their gaze. She nods.
