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When my fingers travel beyond the edge of her sleeve and brush her skin, she draws her arm away. A soft shade of pink spreads across her cheeks.? “No, you didn’t.” She looks down, her eyelashes fluttering. I find the subtle freckles dotting her nose and the bunches of her cheeks. “I can’t blame you for this broken system we’re trapped in.”
“Even so,” I say, my chest considerably lighter, “you don’t know how bitterly I regret it.”
Her eyes flick up to mine, studying them so closely that my heart picks up pace. Judging by how she reaches for a lock of her hair and turns away, hers does too.
“You have a lovely family,” she says, changing the subject. We resume walking.
I exhale. “Yeah, they’re alright.”
“I didn’t know you had more brothers.” She pauses, our footsteps padding almost noiselessly on the soft earth. “How are they doing with everything?”
I scratch the back of my head as I try to work out how much I should tell her.
Everything, I decide.
“We all seem to be dealing with grief in different ways. My youngest brother doesn’t really grasp what’s happened. As long as there is an activity to keep him focused, he’s been fine. Korvin, the next oldest—” I suck in a sharp breath and close my eyes. That title used to belong to Rhun. “He’s a lot quieter, more attentive to the needs of those around him. I think that’s his way of processing things. Projecting outwards.”
I hold the lantern tighter. “It’s my mother I’ve been most worried about. Her grief immobilized her for weeks. I wonder if she’s been going through it a lot harder than the rest of us because her confidence in the life Father had built for us shattered. When she lost her dearest boy, she also lost the man she thought would protect us.”
Amyrah stops and stares at me, her mouth falling open.
I cringe and raise a hand to my brow. “Sorry,” I mumble. “I said too much.”
“No,” she whispers, moving closer and reaching for my hand, pulling it down. Chills run up my arm. She’s done this to me before. “It’s fine. I understand.”
Clearing my throat, I cast around for words in my foggy brain. “She—she’s been a lot better lately, though. In a lot of little ways.” The heat dies down in my face somewhat. “And it’s kind of like I’m only seeing her for who she is now.” I watch her eyelashes flutter. Are other people’s so thick?
She continues to hold my hand, staring up at me. “And what about you?”
I frown. I don’t want to talk about myself.
“Have you been able to move forward?”
A rough laugh fills the space between us.So little space between us.
“I’ve ...” my mouth goes dry. I lick my lips and try again. “I’ve been noticing the little things that help lessen the darkness. And Rhun’s name doesn’t dredge up the same pain it used to. It’s different now. Duller.”
Her hand squeezes mine. She says nothing—and everything.
My eyes dip to her necklace, then back to her face, framed by her wild curls. I raise a hand to touch them, brushing one gently away from her cheek with the back of my fingers. My hand feels heavy; I lower it slowly, so it rests on her shoulder against the curve of her neck. Her throat shivers as she swallows.
“How do you do it?” I whisper, my eyes tracing her features.
“Do what?”
“How do you keep fighting the shadows? How do you make your own light?”? A frown skitters across her eyebrows, and she looks away. “Part of it I can’t explain. It awoke in me the moment the solas returned. It’s not only the light around me. It’s like there’s a calling on my heart I can’t ignore. Something planted inside that drives me to fight it.”
My stomach squeezes as she talks. Her passion, her heart,everythingabout her makes me hunger for more. And it has stirred a fear for her safety that increases every moment I’m in her presence.
“Please be cautious, Amyrah.”
“What? You don’t think I’m capable of looking after myself?” She raises a brow and tilts her chin at me, mildly offended.
I shake my head. “It’s not that. Everything is growing more ... tense. Don’t you sense it? There are more consequences for opposing the kaligorven than there have ever been before.”
“I’m not afraid of them.”
“Well, you should be. Were you at the Challenge Ceremony?”
