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Lilia laughs. “For crying out loud, sex. I want to have sex. I’m nineteen. I’m a virgin. I can’t date. I can’t do anything without supervision. So please, just for this night, give me what I’m asking for.”
“Nineteen and a virgin isn’t that bad,” I say defensively.
“Easy for you to say.” Her tone already laments the dismissal.
What do I have to lose? “No, it’s not easy for me to say. I was nineteen when my girlfriend died in my arms. All I’ve done from that day is grieve and make criminals pay. You’re not the only—”
Erik almost falls over backward in his chair. “Wait, you’ve never…” He doesn’t finish this statement.
I grip Lilia’s hand. “I’m twenty-eight. I’ve never had sex. That’s the last I want to talk about it.”
Lilia’s tone changes to tender. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
“Your girlfriend. Was she killed by people like my family?”
“It was a long time ago, and you are not like your family.”
“But I kidnapped a mom and baby to try to prove I was worthy. How do you not hate me?”
“I know what you did. I know why you did it. And I know that other than scaring everyone, you wouldn’t have hurt them. You’re trying to figure out where you fit in this world. You’re desperately seeking freedom. Let us give that to you.”
I’m going to give her everything.
She eases forward and I take my chance leaning over the table. My free hand cups the back of her head, and my lips touch the most tender lips I’ve ever touched in my life.
I’m crossing the line. Will it destroy the case we’ve built?
Will the feelings Lilia stirs up in me cost me everything?
Twelve
Lilia
Nikolai’sconfessionshocksmeat so many levels, virginity being the least significant.
He’s loved and lost. He’s lived so many more experiences than I have, which highlights our age difference, and Erik is even older.
But Nikolai doesn’t see me a child. He respects my struggles.
He can see that my efforts to understand how to fit with my family haven’t been a waste. Every move I’ve made has helped me see that I’m not like them. I don’t have the desires to dominate and control, and I can’t let someone else do that to me.
I have to find my own way, even if I have no idea what that is.
For the first time in my life, I feel seen. I feel safe. I feel like I can be me.
Erik’s hand brushes the side of my head. “Looks like we’re in agreement that we have a deal.”
Nikolai and I slowly pull apart, the last touches of our kiss breaking an unspoken bond that’s already tying us together.
His eyes are locked on mine as we separate. “We have a deal. I’ll give you anything you want.”
“Thank you.” I glance at the twin bed. It’s not big enough for the three of us. Then I realize that he said he’ll give me anything. I can’t comprehend what he could mean by that. Is this feeling as big to him as it is to me? I stick with the here and now.
“How does this work?” Our accommodations are lacking.
Erik laces his fingers in mine, kisses me gently then says, “Don’t get me wrong, Lilia. I’ve wanted to make love to you from the first moment I saw you. Before I could even admit it. But I’m willing to let Nikolai go first.”
