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It makes me sick to think that he listened to me cry. He held me and consoled me as I told him of my pain, of something that he caused, and he said nothing. He let it consume me, and he was never honest with me.
I press a hand to my mouth. I might truly be sick.
Did Kha’zeth kill Toklys, himself?
Bile burns the back of my throat at the thought because, although I was there, I’m not sure. I remember the demon that broke down the door, touring with my dark elf lover, and I can’t truly say it wasn’t Kha’zeth.
I know that as a powerful sorcerer, Kha’zeth had a great part in the raid. Without him, there is a chance that Toklys would still be alive. But the thought that he was the demon that killed my love–
I have to get out of this house. I need fresh air and a clear head before I lose my mind. I’m already on the verge of tears, and I don’t know how much more of these intrusive thoughts I can take.
My feet start toward the garden without a conscious thought, but I freeze as it hits me. I’ve grown attached to the gardens and would love the fresh air it provides, but I know that when I’m out there, all I think of is Kha’zeth.
That’s the last thing I need right now.
But there is no alternative. I am in his home with nowhere else to go. I can’t leave. I can’t get away from this place where his presence is everywhere, and I wrap my arms around my chest, my breath coming fast.
I’m standing in the hallway, trying to suck down breaths enough to keep from passing out though I’m growing more light headed by the second, and all I can hear is the gasping breath as Toklys windpipe was crushed.
My mind is a whirlwind of memories I don’t want, from his smiling face to his screams to follow him that night. It all makes me sick, and I turn around, trying to figure out where I’m going to go that will be better than here because I have to get out of here–
“Natalie!”
I jolt, Kha’zeth’s voice frightening me out of my thoughts. He strides around the corner, smiling widely, and I almost burst into tears looking at him.
“I have good news!” His feet slow as he takes me in. “Natalie?”
Hearing my voice coming from him undoes me. It’s simpler than I thought it would be, and I turn, fleeing to the only place I can think of: the gardens.
Tears stream down my cheeks as I tear through the house, and a sob breaks free from my throat. Just one look at Kha’zeth, and I’m undone. All I can wonder is did he do it, did he do it, did he do it?
It’s eating me alive, and what’s worse is I can’t ask him. If he tells me no, I won’t believe him. He hid the truth from me before, knowing how much the raid cost me. He held me while I cried over someone that he took from me.
And if he says yes…
I burst outside, the fresh air washing over me and I suck down lungfuls without slowing. I won’t wait around by the manor for Kha’zeth to find me. I need distance between him and I. My brain is still swimming and I desperately need to get my thoughts straight before I face him.
I run until my feet can no longer go and my shaky legs give out on me. I drop to my knees, tears soaking my skin as I scream, and I pour out all the anguish building in me.
I can’t believe this. I can't believe he has done this.
And what’s worse is I want to hate him for it.
But for some reason, I can’t.
85
KHA’ZETH
I had been so eager to see Natalie after being gone half the day, and with good news no less! But when I called out to her in the hallway and she turned to look at me…
I’ve never seen someone look so anguished and disgusted in the same instant. Even when we first met, Natalie never looked at me like that. She might have been afraid, yes, but she never looked so pained to see me.
Then, she turned, bolting down the hallway before I could process how terribly wrong everything had gone while I was away.
Elincia peeks her head out of the sitting room down the hall, looking after where Natalie just went, and then turns her head to stare at me. Immediately, guilt and panic flash across her face, and my stomach twists into knots.
What did they do?
