AllFreeNovel
Share Us
19
EMMA
Ican’t get my mind off of Finn and Raven. I can’t stop seeing him willingly leave with her. And every time I think about it, every time that image flashes through my mind, I feel even more foolish.
I can’t believe I ever thought Finn and I could be together. Look, I have a pretty healthy self-image, good self-esteem, and all of that. But come on, in a contest between me and Raven, who wouldn’t pick Raven?
Hell, I would probably pick Raven, if I liked women. And sirens.
And I refuse to pine after Finn. If he wants Raven, so be it. I have more dignity than to chase after someone that’s made it clear he’s not interested.
Honestly, there’s a part of me that can’t blame him, and not just because Raven is gorgeous. I haven’t been open about my own feelings for Finn. I don’t regret holding back, but at the same time, I can’t deny that I’ve been pushing him away. So really, I can’t be mad if he decided to go back to Raven. This is all for the best.
That’s what I keep telling myself as I organize my desk, going through paperwork, making piles of what to keep and what to shred and finally collating documents that I’ve been meaning to deal with for days.
It’s mindless work but it’s also therapeutic, as if by cleaning up my messy desk I’m also cleaning up my life. It’s also incredibly satisfying to shove papers in the shredder I keep near my desk. When I finish that I begin stapling papers together, banging the stapler down harder than is technically necessary, but that feels even better. Then Lucy stops by.
“Emma, is everything ok?” she asks, leaning against the doorframe.
“Yeah, why?” I ask, pushing my hair back from my face.
“Because you’re slamming that stapler so hard that I could hear it through the wall between our offices,” she says. “Want to talk about it? I have a meeting starting soon but can spare a few minutes right now.”
I want to tell Lucy what I’m feeling; I want to spill everything about me and Finn and Raven. But that’s going to take a lot longer than a few minutes. So instead I shake my head. “Thanks for the offer, Lucy, but I’m just having kind of a crap day. I’m sorry about all the noise, though. I didn’t realize how loud I was.”
“You’re fine,” she smiles. “We’ve all been there, Emma. Sometimes I think the entire point of office supplies is to take out our emotions on them.”
I laugh. “You might be right.”
“Maybe we can grab a drink after work,” she suggests. “You can vent about your bad day and I’ll vent about why on earth I chose to wear the world’s most uncomfortable shoes to work.”
I glance at her feet, which are in high, pointy black heels. “Because they look amazing?”
“Thanks. The blisters that are forming will be even more amazing,” she says dryly, and I smile.
“Venting tonight sounds good. Hope the meeting goes well,” I say.
“Fortunately, it’s over the phone, so no one will notice I’m barefoot,” she says with a wink, and leaves.
I return to my work, taking care to be quieter. Once my desk is organized I go to the kitchen to refill my water bottle and see that someone left a copy of today’s paper on the counter. I flip through the style section, my breath catching in my throat when I see a picture of Raven and Finn, holding hands and smiling.
“Don’t read it, don’t read it, don’t read it,” I mutter to myself as I fill up my bottle. “Oh, fuck,” I sigh, grabbing the paper and reading every word of the article.
It’s a brief puff piece, about how “eligible bachelor” Finn Blackwell and “vivacious model and socialite” Raven Nightingale have renewed their courtship. I wouldn’t even think that it would rate a mention in the paper, except that they’re both wealthy and, I have to admit, look really good together.
Tears sting at my eyes as I toss the paper back on the counter. It’s hard to remember that this is all for the best right now, but I know that it is. I rush back to my office, determined to bury myself in work until this wretched day ends.
At least there’s that after-work drink with Lucy to look forward to. I hope she won’t judge me for sleeping with my boss, but I don’t think that she will. And even if she does, she can’t be judging me harder than I’m judging myself. I should have known that Finn would be trouble and stayed far away.
No. I shake my head firmly. I am not blaming myself for this. We had a moment – okay, a night – and then it ended. That’s all this was.
But I’m still looking forward to talking to Lucy and getting her perspective. And, hopefully, some validation that I can do much better than Finn. And that I will, in my next relationship. Even though right now, the idea of ever doing this again with someone else sounds incredibly unappealing.
Maybe this is why I’ve stayed single for so long. I hate the idea of being so vulnerable, of opening myself up to someone, if it’s just going to end anyway. I thought that Finn was different. Man, was I wrong.
I’m halfway through catching up on emails when I hear voices outside my door. “Finn,” Damien says. “I didn’t expect you in today.”
“Where else would I be?” I hear Finn reply.
