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“I’m not leaving you here with him,” Simon seethed, pointing at JJ.
JJ fought against me, trying to get to Simon again. I held him the best I could. JJ was strong as hell, but I wasn’t weak.
“Come at me!” JJ yelled.
“Simon, it’s fine,” I told him. “Go.” My nails went back to JJ’s scalp, scraping along his head while my other hand gently rubbed his pec where I had my arm hooked under his.
Hal got Simon out and closed JJ and me inside. I was afraid to speak and break the tenuous hold I had on JJ. It wouldn’t last. I knew that. JJ hadn’t been to my club since we split, even then it wasn’t his favorite place. He’d come for me, not the dancers. Something must have happened to draw him here. If he was fighting with Simon to get in, my guess was it wasn’t good.
JJ was completely relaxed against me. It felt so damn good to have him in my arms again. So damn right. As hard as it was to watch him walk away once, I didn’t want to let him go now. He had the power to reach into my chest and pull my still-beating heart out, yet I was hanging on to him for any scrap of attention. Fuck, I was screwed up in the head.
He squirmed in my arms until I loosened my hold so he could peer up at me. Those damn blue eyes of his dragging me into their depths. I used to get lost in them; now I wanted them to sweep me away.
He blinked a few times before clarity dawned and he shoved me hard in the chest, pushing himself back. “You’re an asshole,” he growled, drawing himself even farther away until his back hit the wall on the other side of my office, his ass still on the floor.
“I believe we’ve covered that before. Care to enlighten me about what happened?”
“How many, Dex?”
“I need more than that.”
“How many have you killed to save me?”
I dropped my chin to my chest. His dad must have said something to him, which meant JJ was already wound up by having to talk to him. He’d been told I’d protected him without him knowing. Fuck.
“Dexen.”
Defeated, I sighed. “Why do you want to know? Nothing good will come from it. You already hate me.”
“That’s what you think? That I hate you?”
I didn’t bother responding. What was the point?
His tone was hard, commanding. “Dex, look at me.”
When we were together, I was the one in charge. Always me unless we were in bed. For JJ to try and assert it over me, well, I didn’t ignore him, but I didn’t exactly love it either.
My head lifted; my gaze latched on to his.
“How many?” he repeated.
“I didn’t keep track.” He wanted honesty. I was giving it to him. “It’s been years. I’m not a vigilante. If I found out there was a hit on you back then, or I got a tip someone was after you, I stayed alert.”
“I didn’t want you killing for me,” he bit out.
I kept my tone calm. If I raised my voice, it would fuel him. “That’s why I never told you.”
His voice cracked ever so slightly. Had I not been so in tune with him, remembered him inside and out, I might have missed it. “You swore you wouldn’t do it anymore.”
“I did. It was a promise I’d break time and again if it meant you were unharmed. I can’t help it, Jordan. Even now, if I knew someone was after you, I’d be there, doing what needed to be done.” Jordan… I always said his full name like I would say baby or sweetheart. It was special to me.Hewas special. Having him in front of me was a reminder of how much he meant to me.
“And calling my old man to tell him to clean up after you.”
I shrugged. “I’m a one-man show. I try not to get my guys involved in that shit. There’s no reason for them to get their hands dirty too.” They would. I already knew that.
Hal was with me that night when I went to JJ’s shop. He heard the call I made. Helped me drag Alan into my SUV then deliver him to Malik.
Jordan Sr. was not a good man. I’d never claimed he was. But he did care about his son in his own fucked-up way. It didn’t excuse what he did, how much he’d hurt JJ over the years. Not physically. A hand was never laid on him, but the emotional blows took their toll.
