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“You went to see Dex?” As far as I knew, they hadn’t seen each other since Dominic was taken by Alan, more than six months ago.
“I had to know if it was all the truth.”
“You should have called me. I could have gone with you.”
His lips lifted on one side; it was the first smile I’d seen since he got here. “I can handle myself, but I appreciate your concern.”
“I know you can. That doesn’t mean you had to go alone.”
“I wasn’t thinking, Greer. I was on a mission and had to figure out what the truth was. I got in the front door since I’m a member, have been forever, even though I’ve never paid a damn dollar. Dex must keep my membership current. I was ready to fight my way in, but I didn’t need to. I got to the hallway that leads to his office and got past Hal who remembered me. But this other guy I’ve never seen before was outside of Dex’s door. He wouldn’t let me in, so I fucking hit him.”
“Jesus, JJ, couldn’t you have talked to him?”
“I tried. He wouldn’t budge. We ended up exchanging blows and, the next thing I knew, I fell into Dex’s office, literally fell inside. Dex and Hal had to pull us apart.”
I stroked my thumb over his knuckles. He hissed in pain. “I’m sorry. I should clean you up and get some ice on this.”
“Not yet. I need to finish telling you what happened.”
“Okay.”
“There I am, lying on the fucking floor with Dex holding me back and…” He closed his eyes and shivered. “He used to do this thing where he’d drag his nails over my scalp. I don’t know why but it soothed me every time. He must not have forgotten about it because he started doing it. It calmed me down, but then I remembered why I was there. I got away from him and started yelling. Throwing accusations at him, which he calmly told me were the truth.” JJ closed his eyes again, this time with force. “He had lied to me back then.” When he opened them again, I saw the tears shimmering in his eyes.
“You still love him.” It wasn’t a question. I could see it plain as day on his face. I couldn’t fault him for loving Dexen, not when I felt something for him too.
“I should hate him, Greer. Should spit on the fucking ground he walks on but when he was in front of me, I was transported back in time to when he broke his promise to me. To when he destroyed what he had.”
“He did it to keep you safe.”
JJ’s face hardened. “Don’t take his side. Don’t you fucking dare.”
“I’m not taking anyone’s side. But if it were me and someone was trying to hurt or kill you, you better believe I’m taking them out. No second thoughts about it.”
“You can’t solve everything with murder.”
“No, but you can choose between one life and another when one’s on the line.”
He shook his head. “Fuck, I can’t do this. I came here to tell you I kissed Dex and apologize because I felt like shit for doing it, and you’re saying you’d make the same call and kill for me.” He tried to stand but I gripped his wrists and pulled him back down. I didn’t bother addressing the kiss with Dexen. What would be the point? He obviously felt guilty about it.
I slid off the bench and got to my knees in front of him. My hands went to his thighs. “I’m sorry if you don’t like hearing it, but I won’t lie to you. I care about you. If someone had a gun to your head and I could take them out without losing you, I’d do it. I’d do the same for Perry, Pey, or Dom. Dex too. That doesn’t mean I’m about to turn pro and follow your dad into a life of crime. It means I can’t sit back and not react. Not when I have the training and skills to handle the situation.”
“I understand what you’re saying, but can you see my side of things? I grew up with violence. Nothing was shielded from me. They talked, fucked, drank, in front of me. There were crates of guns in the house I used to live in. In the garage were shipments of cocaine and weed to name some. My mom died from a bullet to the head. I don’t want that life. As soon as I could, I started building a business for myself. I knew I’d never be rid of him, of what he did, but I had to try. I don’t want to go back to that.”
“No one is asking you to, but your connection to your dad is what brings problems to your doorstep. Like it or not, you don’t live in a bubble. Every time you leave your apartment or work, someone could be gunning for you. You might not want that reality, but it exists nonetheless.”
“Fuck,” he groaned and dropped his head back against the cement wall. “I hate this. Why can’t I escape it?”
“Unless you move somewhere remote, change your name, leave every trace of yourself behind, it’s going to follow you.”
“I know. I do. I’m a fucking realist but for this one thing, I want to live in a place where it doesn’t touch me.”
“I’m sorry. You deserve better.”
He lifted his head, his eyes piercing mine. He cupped my cheek, letting his fingers slide over my short facial hair. It wasn’t quite a beard, but it covered my cheeks and jaw. “I’ve fought for everything I have. Why can’t something be easy for once?”
“Maybe you’re looking at it wrong.”
“How so?”
