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I scrubbed a hand over my face. Fuck. “When you put it like that…”
“I thought so. If you want me to go with you tonight, I will.” What he wasn’t saying—what he’d never come out and say—was he wanted to go. He wanted the feeling of family. Our parents always gave it to him, but they also looked at him with sad eyes sometimes. Being around others who made him happy, the Lynx brothers, Perry, they did that for him. Me too when he wasn’t worried about me being killed in my home. Hence why he was currently here.
JJ had been staying with Greer this weekend. I was in and out, never sitting for another meal. I had the club to run. It was an excuse. They knew it. I knew it, but they let me be. I didn’t want anyone else, I just had to get my shit together. They deserved me at a hundred percent, not at half that, only letting them get pieces of me, terrified of being hurt again.
At night, after sharing goodbye kisses with JJ and Greer, I drove home where my brother waited. He was probably the one person I didn’t worry about something happening to. Not because I didn’t love him. Hell, I’d lay my life down for him. He was the most capable motherfucker out there. More than Greer. More than Peyton. Xaiden was as badass as they came. If it made him feel better to sleep in my spare bedroom or hang out here when he knew I was alone, then I was all for it. Whatever would ease my brother’s worries.
“All right, let’s go,” I told him. “I don’t want to get yelled at for being late.”
He tried to hide his smile, but I saw it. Xaiden didn’t want to be around his friends all the time, but tonight he was feeling some way and needed this. And I needed someone to lean on, to tell me it was going to be okay. JJ and Greer would, but they were biased. Xaiden hit me with the truth I so desperately needed.
Xaiden drove behind me in his Jag. He said I should stay the night at the fortress. I felt like shit for avoiding the men who owned my pathetic excuse for a heart. Fuck, why did I do this to myself? Better yet, why did I do it to them? They meant so much to me and I had locked a part of myself away, keeping them at a distance. It was a default setting I was having a hard time overriding. So yeah, I’d stay and try to make it up to them.
I didn’t bother letting Greer know ahead of time that Xaiden was coming with me. They were going to be happy to see him. Plus, my brother would get a full dose of Luann. He’d soak her up like a sponge.
Xaiden was a family man through and through. Back when he was with Sasha, he talked about marrying her, settling down, and having children, even though they were still so young. He wanted to build a family. While he wouldn’t say that dream out loud now, I knew he still desired it, though he wouldn’t let himself have it. He also wanted those around him to have it. Seeing his friends thrive, Xaiden loved it.
Xaiden’s life of solitude was his punishment for not being able to keep Sasha safe. I wanted to break him out of it, set him free, but he wouldn’t let me. Maybe one day he’d find someone who could.
I texted Greer when I was at the gate, so he’d know who was behind me and Xaiden could be let in. The gate opened; my brother stayed close so it wouldn’t close on him. The sun wasn’t all the way down yet. The lights coming from the windows of the home as we approached were a warm glow, inviting us in. Both my brother and I needed that warmth. Needed to feel that connection to the people inside, just in different ways.
“Fuck,” I groaned. Xaiden never opened up to me back at the house. He got me to say what was on my mind then we left. I didn’t get to dig deeper with him. He’d done it on purpose. There was nothing to be done about it now. I wasn’t about to corner him in the fortress to get it out of him.
The back door to the home opened as I was getting out of my SUV. The warm glow I saw when I approached poured out onto the porch, illuminating Greer, pulling me in. Even without the glow at his back and the porch light above shining down on him, I’d know he was the one standing there. I could feel him, sense him on a primal level.
I didn’t bother waiting for my brother and closed the distance between myself and the man whose arms I suddenly wanted around me more than I wanted air. He opened them when I got close and engulfed me in a hug. I fisted the shirt at his back, needing him. Needing both of them. Missed them deeply. We had dinner to get through first. Maybe more games. I wasn’t sure what his mom had in store for us tonight.
“You staying over?” he rumbled against my hair.
I nodded against his neck where I’d tucked my face.
“Good. We’ve missed you.”
“Ditto,” I mumbled.
He released me slowly, carefully, meeting my eyes and giving me a slow smile before he wrapped my brother up in a completely different kind of hug. He lifted him from the ground, a grin lighting Greer’s handsome face.
Xaiden was six foot three to Greer’s six foot five. He wasn’t as stacked in the muscle department, but Xaiden was just as strong. Xaiden and Greer going against each other in the ring as they were now would be something to see, though I had a feeling Xaiden would win. He was fast as hell when he fought.
When they were younger, they’d gone up against each other in fun. My brother would show Greer ways to get the upper hand, let him get taken down. Xaiden would hit the canvas as many times as it would take so the person he was sparring with would be able to execute the moves with ease.
The last time my brother saw Greer and JJ was when he asked them to come to my house so we could fix our shit. They didn’t get to talk or catch up. Xaiden slipped out before they could. It was about me and them then. Tonight, they could laugh and joke. Reminisce.
“There he is!” Peyton called, coming out the door. “I was surprised when I heard you came with Dex.” They embraced too; Peyton’s smile huge.
Perry stepped onto the porch next, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. Xaiden didn’t crush him with his arms; he was more careful with Perry. They hugged, both obviously happy.
JJ stood in the doorway, leaning against it with his hands in his pockets. His eyes held mine, trepidation swimming in those deep blue pools.
I closed the distance between us, pulled his body to mine so I could bury my face in his hair and inhale him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
His fist hit my back with a softthump. “You’d better be. We needed you, but I get it. You’re still worried we’re going to leave you.” JJ wasn’t mincing words, which I appreciated. “We’ve got you, Dex. We’re not going anywhere.”
My throat felt like it was closing, making words difficult. I choked out, “I know.”
Leaning back, he put his hands on my biceps. “I’m glad, because you’re not going anywhere tonight, except to bed with us.”
I nodded. It was exactly what I wanted.
