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I nodded. “JJ more so than Perry, but yes.” Most people thought of JJ’s father when the Altair name was brought up, and not in a good way. I was on guard mentioning him. I’d repeatedly told others he was nothing like his father. I learned fast not to bother bringing JJ up. It wasn’t because I was ashamed of my relationship with him. I was proud to call him a friend. What I hated was the judgment in people’s eyes. The way they took a step back like by me being friends with him, I was in the mafia too, which was absurd. I couldn’t even kill the damn flies which drifted into my house. I caught and released them.
“He’s in a relationship with two men,” she said. “They both are if I’m remembering it right. That kind of thing makes the gossip news. It doesn’t hurt that they’re all hot as hell.” She fanned herself.
“I get your point.” I chuckled.
“So this friend of yours could be feeling it out too. If he was sandwiched on the couch between you and your date and didn’t bat an eye, maybe he liked it.”
“Maybe,” I muttered. Or he was seeking comfort in the friends he’d made. I gave myself an internal shake, trying not to let Autumn’s words burrow too deep into my head. I didn’t need them growing roots.
It was dark by the time I left the hospital with my mind a jumbled mess, thanks to what Autumn said. She didn’t mean to do that to me. It happened, nonetheless.
Luckily, I didn’t have much of a commute and was pulling into the parking lot in no time. I twirled my keys in my hand, the ring going round and round—much like my thoughts—when I was stopped short by the figure sitting on the curb outside my building.
“Xaiden?” I walked faster. “Are you okay?”
He stood as I approached. “I’m not sure.”
The lamppost nearby cast him in a soft white light. I quickly looked him over, searching for an injury, not seeing any. “What’s the matter?” The doctor in me couldn’t be shut off easily when he said he wasn’t certain if he was okay.
His gaze darted to the parking lot. “Can we go inside?”
“Sure.” I unlocked the front door, and we climbed the stairs together. Once we were inside my condo with the lights on and the door closed, I put my things on the counter and turned to him. He scrubbed a hand over his face, ran his fingers through his hair, tugging on the ends. “Xaiden, talk to me.”
“I liked it.”
“Liked what?”
“Being with you and Val.” He couldn’t be saying what I thought he was, right? Like Autumn projected it out into the universe and here was Xaiden answering the call.
“We’re glad we’re friends with you.” I was talking for Val too, since I had no clue what was going on. I needed to tread carefully, feel this out.
“It’s not just that though.” He clawed at his shirt. “I can’t… Everything is so fucked up inside me.”
I went to him, took his hand from his shirt, and held it in mine to lead him over to the couch. “Sit. Take a breath. Do you want something to drink?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I want to get the words out.”
“Take as long as you need.”
After a few deep breaths, he seemed to settle slightly. “I’m not good at talking about my emotions, if you haven’t gathered that already. Every time I say something, I open myself up for more pain, but not talking seems to hurt just as much.” Tortured blue eyes met mine. “I liked being between you and Val. I liked you both touching me. What does that mean?”
Slowly, carefully, I asked, “Did you like the comfort of us being there for you or was it more than that?”
“More,” he said with a raspy voice. “I think. It felt good. I want you to touch me again.” The room started to spin. What the hell was happening? Xaiden wanted me to touch him? Did I fall and hit my head and not remember it? “It’s been so long since someone has touched me like that. Like they care, like they want their hands on me.”
“Jesus,” I muttered. “Have you not…” I had to pause to clear my throat as my face heated. Of course, it did. “Have you not been with anyone?”
“I’ve fucked when I wanted to, but that was it. I didn’t want more with any of those women. I didn’t seek them out to talk or to have them put their hands on me again. It was about getting off and nothing else.”
“But with Val and me?”
“For the first time in years, I want more.”
“You’re straight.”
“I’m not so sure.”
I edged back until my spine met the arm of the couch. “I’m not wired to be an experiment. I can’t give you what you need.” If I didn’t get away from him, I’d give in and touch him like I’d thought about. I’d put my hands on him and never want to stop. I knew myself. Once wouldn’t be enough. It would screw with my head to have him ripped away.
