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“Quite the little monster you got there,” I say, grinning but she doesn’t repay the smile.
Strange. Usually she’s generous with me and I take it harder than I probably should.
“She’s teething,” Jean mutters. She grazes her lip when it starts trembling and I wonder if something’s up. “What are you doing here anyway?”
Her tone is brisk and I’m a little taken aback. Last night, she was warm and soft with me. I think I kissed her for an hour straight, after I lost that stupid card game she insisted on playing. Yesterday, she was carefree, squirming in my lap and tracing the tattoos on my underarm with her fingers. This new attitude of hers, feels like a slap in the face but I tell myself not to overreact.
“Am I disturbing?”
Jean nods, flaring out with her hands and she tugs at the leash back when the puppy starts chewing on it. “I’m sure you can tell I’m busy.”
“This won’t take long,” I reply and my tone’s tense, rough around the edges and I’m slowly starting to feel that numbness come crawling back. She was keeping it at bay but without her, it will take over again. And I don’t want that. “Squeak, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Shrugging, she brushes me off and I have a feeling something is seriously wrong. Her eyes don’t have the same shine in them and there’s a new strain around her mouth. I try to catch her gaze but she won’t look at me. I clasp her chin, pulling her face up but abruptly let go the moment she frowns.
I clear my throat, feeling like I’m on thin ice. “I’ve resigned,” I finally tell her, “I don’t work for Blackwater anymore.”
There’s no surprise on her face, only what looks like annoyance and I’m not used to seeing Jean this worked up. I clasp her shoulders, worried now. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” She shrugs me off and watches me as if I betrayed her in some way. “I already know you resigned. Rumors spread fast around here, remember?” She grabs the pup’s leash and starts exiting the field. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“Jean...,” I begin and she abruptly turns around and pokes me in the chest.
“This is because I confessed I feel something for you, isn’t it?” Her jaw clenches and she pinches her lips. “I should’ve kept my mouth shut, if I’d known you’d react like this.” She pokes me in the chest again. “And I’m not saying this because I’m butthurt but I think you’re a coward, Carter Spencer.”
Clasping her finger, I take a step closer to her until she gasps. “That so?” I bore my eyes into hers. “Tell me how you really feel and don’t hold back.”
“I will, don’t you worry about that.” She tugs her hand back and starts walking and now her hips are swishing in full angry girl on a rampage mode. “You’re so terrified to let anyone close that you just had to bail.” Her eyes flash when she glances at me over her shoulder. “That’s the only reason I can think of, because I know it’s not the physical stuff. We never had a problem in that area.”
“Couldn’t agree more,” I grit.
Shaking her head, she walks into the kennel, opens up a barrel and drops a couple of dog biscuits on the floor for the pup to chew. “Whatever,” she mutters, “it’s your choice...”
“Jean, you don’t get it.” I clasp her arm and pull her close, ignoring that the other trainers are watching the drama. “I resigned because I knew you feel what I feel for you. Blackwater doesn’t have a hold on me. I don’t need to keep being a mercenary for us to be together.”
“Oh...?” Her face pales and her jaw slacks, but then her eyes fill with tears. “Wish you’d talked to me first.”
Worry flares in me and I cup her jaw. “Are you hiding something from me?”
She looks down and her shoulders tremble before she grabs my t-shirt as if she needs something to hold on to. “No, it’s not your problem. I don’t want to burden you and there’s nothing you can do about it anyway...”
“Damn it, tell me before I explode. I can’t fucking stand it when you shut me out.”
Jean squirms. “You know when you asked why I agreed to become a bribe?” Anxiety floods her eyes. “Pace and Arkin may no longer have a hold on you but they have one on me...”
“They coerced you?” I growl and my fury blows up through the roof. “Forced you into this?” My ego takes a hit so bad that I don’t know when I’ll get up again. “I’ll kill them...”
“Carter, wait! You’ll just get yourself into trouble...,” Jean cries after me but I don’t stop. All I can think of is that they didn’t offer her a fair exchange but bullied her into this, and my fury rises even more when I think that I could have been another man. They could’ve used Jean as a bribe for another mercenary and now I’m so pissed that I see red.
****
When I finally reach the headquarters, I’m immediately stopped by the snappy secretary. Dropping her sandwich, she stands up and cries, “You can’t go in there.” A couple of crumbs fly out of her mouth and she brushes them off. “Mr. Pace is in a meeting with Mr. Arkin!”
I shoot her a silencing glance and it’s enough to make her gawk and drop back down to her seat again. Prowling over to the door, I slam it open but neither of the men looks surprised.
They’re boozing, smoking cigars and the windows are closed, making the room feel stuffy. How the hell do they even breathe in here?
Not that I care. I want them to bleed for what they did to Jean.
