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I roll my eyes. “About that, yeah. Obviously, I wasn’t selling loans that young. It started with dropping off packages around town. Guns, drugs, a bunch of stuff. Then I moved up to helping launder the money, and then I could go find clients of my own.”
“Fuck.” Macy’s jaw hangs open slightly as she stares between us. “I really didn’t know what was going on. Whatisgoing on. Do you…do you like what you do?”
“Ha! No. Not a lot of legitimate options for me, though. I may be good with money and books now, but it’s not like I got a degree in finance.”
“Some places don’t always ask for that. You could try.”
When her eyes hit mine, Macy radiates a cautious hope that punches right through my chest. I set down my glass and take her hands before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“You’re so like my mom. You look evil in the eye fearlessly and foolishly treat it with kindness,” I whisper. “You’re going to make the same mistake she did if you stick with me.”
Macy’s finger shushes my words. “You arenotevil, Jett.”
I try to speak again, but she continues to hold her fingers against my lips.
“You’re not. You know, all my life, things have been painted pretty black and white. Between the sermons I’ve attended since I was a baby to my tiny school with a graduating class of thirty-three, everything has been painted like there are only ever two options—the right one and the wrong one. But as I’ve spent time with you, hell, after my own situation going to a loan shark, I can see that it’s just not true. You do what you need to do to survive and keep your family alive.”
Her words smash against the thick layer of stubbornness that I’ve worn for most of my life. Macy’s hand slides to my cheek, and despite myself, I lean into it, finding comfort I haven’t been afforded since my mother died.
“You’re not evil or a monster or any of the bullshit your dad has thrown at your feet. You don’t treat your child like that. You don’t take away their childhood.”
My vision goes blurry, and I’m frozen in place. The swirl of emotions is too much to bear. Macy scoots close, looking up at me from her shorter height even when seated. She meets my eyes, holding my face in both hands, and forces me to not look away.
“You deserved better, Jett. You were dealt a crappy hand and did your best with it. You even managed to help me when you had no business doing so. You should have turned me away, you should have ruthlessly hunted me down for that money, but you didn’t. So thank you, and don’t let what anybody else says affect how you see yourself. You’re worth so much more than them.”
There’s a heartbeat where we just stare into each other’s eyes, and then I crash my lips against Macy’s, throwing everything I have behind it and begging to whatever god will listen that I don’t have to let her go.
Chapter9
Macy
Akiss can mean a lot of things, but this is the first time that I’ve known without a shadow of a doubt it means “I love you.”
We stay there, entwined with each other and desperate for contact. The feel of Jett’s tongue mingling with my own and the iron grip he uses to hold me close mesmerizes me until I'm not sure which way is up.
Time has stretched, but I want to stay in the infinity of kissing Jett, of only being here at the lake where tomorrow’s complications are a dream. I know better, though. Tomorrow waits, and I still don’t know what I’m going to do about it.
I want to stay with him. I want to find a way to make this all work, even as I know that’s foolish. Being with Jett is anything but simple, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to be that brave yet. I want to be, but old Macy is still fighting me about it, warning and protesting everything I’m doing.
Eventually, Jett pulls back, and we sit back up on the blanket. It’s too cute that he thought to bring picnic gear, and we eat the crackers and cheese he brought.
“Thank you, Macy.” He smiles gently at me.
“For what?”
“For everything.”
His hand finds my cheek, and I’m struck once more by his words, his life. There’s such a sense of lack there, a lack of support, a lack of education, but most of all, a lack of love. He was alone even when surrounded by people, and the one person left to care about him treats him like garbage.
Leaning into his palm, I close my eyes, breathing him in, before I look back at him. “You are very welcome.”
We finish our food, and Jett guides us back to the car. As I sit down and Jett comes around from closing my door, a new mischievous grin lights up his face.
“Something you’d like to share with the class, Jett?”
The grin widens, and he licks his lips. “Nope. It’s a surprise. But I will let you know that, yes, we’re going back to my house.”
I narrow my eyes at him, smirking, and then sit back in my seat. “All right, then. I will just have to try and be patient then.”
