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Once I’ve got everything on my side, I pass them to her.
“Thanks, Coach,” she murmurs, her cheeks flushing.
“You are welcome.” I swallow hard. “How have you been?”
She looks me in the eye. “Fine. You?” It’s a short and clipped answer and I hate how much it stings.
“Not so good.”
She clenches her jaw. “Thanks for the books.” She turns away from me, but I won’t just let it lie.
“Why won’t you return my texts or calls?”
“Because I said all I needed to say in your apartment.” She doesn’t even turn to look at me.
“I know I was an asshole, blackmailing you into having sex, but are you really still insisting that you didn’t enjoy it? That you felt nothing?”
She spins around and looks at me. “Yes, now leave me alone.”
I slam the palm of my hand into her throat as rage takes over. “I don’t believe you.”
Her nostrils flare and I feel her heart rate quicken beneath my skin. “You should.”
“I can tell that you feel something for me, no matter what you say.” I squeeze tighter. “The way your heart rate increases every time I touch you like this.” I move my lips close to hers, but don’t kiss her. “The way your eyes dilate every time I choke you.”
“You are talking about sexual things. It doesn’t mean I have any emotional feelings for you.”
I growl. “Sex and emotions go hand in hand.”
She laughs. “Tell that to the man who has slept with countless students over the years. Did you feel something for all of them, too?”
She’s right. Sex has never been linked to emotion for me. It’s been an outlet. A way to blow off steam. And in that moment, I realize Adrianna feels for me the same way I felt for all those girls. Nothing but desire.
I release her throat and take a step back. “No, I didn’t.”
“Then why do you expect me to feel anything for you?” She tilts her head slightly. “Is it because most of the young girls you sleep with wind up having feelings for you?”
A swallow hard as Adrianna is right. Many of the students have feelings and yet I carry on, knowing it’s not going anywhere. Knowing that in the end I’ll just hurt them.
“I’ve got a call to get to.” She shoulders her bag. “Thanks for helping with the stuff I dropped.”
“No problem,” I say, allowing her to walk away. As I know that she is in the right and I’m the one out of order, but it doesn’t make it any easier watching her march off. There’s a part of me that wants to demand she fulfill her end of the bargain and return to my apartment every night until she graduates, but it’s not worth the pain she inflicts.
I guess I finally know what it’s like to be the one that actually gives a shit in a relationship. I have to say I’m not very fond of the sensation.
* * *
Two more weekspass by with Adrianna ignoring me entirely after the encounter in the hallway, and it feels like I’m being torn apart. Time is slipping too quickly through my fingers. She only has five weeks until graduation. I want to forget about it and pretend like I don’t have feelings for her, but it’s practically impossible.
Every time I see Adrianna, she acts like nothing has happened. As if we didn’t spend the better part of the academic year together in such an intimate capacity. They say men aren’t in touch with their feelings, but Adrianna is as cold as ice to feel nothing at all.
Instead of looking forward to senior gym class, I dread it. And it’s about to start right now.
“Everyone select your partners,” I instruct, keeping my eyes anywhere but on Adrianna.
Adrianna pairs up with Camilla, thankfully. I did not want to see her wrestling with any guy. Combat training today is going to involve getting pretty close with partners and I think I’d snap if I saw Nik rubbing up against her.
“You know the moves you need to practice. The same ones we did last week.” Ever since Adrianna and I fell out, I’ve not bothered with doing the demonstrations myself. Instead, I show them the moves I want them to practice on video, as the idea of demonstrating with anyone other than her is unappealing, and yet it’s too awkward between us.
