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He got the fire going, and slumped on the floor, dragging the pillow and the blanket that had stayed behind after Sammy had slept on the couch. It smelled like him, and Logan tucked himself and Morpheus in tight. It was uncomfortable at first, but the fire soothed him, and he soon relaxed and fell asleep, knowing he had just about everything he needed to move on with his plan.
* * *
The next dayhe spent cleaning the house. He wanted it to be spotless when they found him. He let his phone die and locked it in a top kitchen cupboard so he wouldn’t have any access to it even if he did chicken out. The good doctor may have thought she had gotten one over on him, and would be waiting for him on Monday, only to find out later that he had been hoarding medication from the very beginning. He had about two months’ worth of pain killers stashed in his upstairs bathroom as well as thirty days’ worth of his anxiety medication.
He considered them his get-out-of-jail-free card, when he finally couldn’t deal with anything anymore and he could just quietly checkout and relieve everyone around him of the burden of his existence. He was so calm and determined on that day, he almost felt normal.
When he was ready and he was done writing the letters to his family and one for Dave, he left the two envelopes on the kitchen table and climbed up the stairs ignoring the way his hands had begun trembling.
CHAPTERSIX
Sammy
Sammy ran into the house, frantically calling Logan’s name. He didn’t even need to go all the way to the kitchen to see the envelopes on the table. Just one glance at them and he was running up the stairs. He burst into the bedroom only to find it cold. All the windows were wide open, and Morpheus was barking at the closed bathroom door.
He called for Logan again and again, while struggling to open the door. When he didn’t hear anything from the other side, he kicked it in and ran inside, finding the other man sitting on the edge of his bathtub looking at him, in complete shock.
“What the hell are you doing? Didn’t you hear me scream your name?” Sammy’s voice echoed in the bathroom.
Logan slowly dropped to the floor and hid his face in his hands, his shoulders violently shaking. Sammy rushed to him and held him tight. He kissed his hair and tried to pry his hands away, just touching him all over checking if he was otherwise hurt.
“Logan, please look at me. Did you take anything? Should I call an ambulance?” When the other man didn’t answer he pleaded with him again, “Logan please, you’re scaring me.”
Logan finally looked at him and shook his head. “Please don’t call anyone. I didn’t take anything.” With a curt nod, he pointed to the toilet and Sammy could see some of the pills still floating in the water and the empty medication bottles discarded on the tiles near the bathtub.
Sammy tried his best to calm down and be there for Logan in the way he needed him to be. He gently tugged at him to get up, and he took him to his bed and made him lie down, then closed all the windows. His stomach rolled when he imagined why Logan had left them open, but he forced the thought out of his mind. He gave him a weary look, and said calmly, “Don’t move. I’m only going downstairs to lock the front door.” Logan just nodded and turned on his side, looking away from Sammy.
When he was downstairs, the natural urge to run away crossed his mind briefly. In a flash he saw himself get in the car and drive away.
His mind overruled the thought completely. There was a reason all of this had happened. There was a reason Logan and Sammy were now tangled in each other’s lives. He wanted to be here. He cared for the man upstairs. Sammy couldn’t allow Logan’s pain to drown him. Logan deserved better than to be abandoned. He deserved to be loved and cared for.
Sammy didn’t know what the fuck that would entail, but he was here, ready or not. Sammy took his jacket and his shoes off, trying to use the few moments he had alone to steady himself and be calm and collected for Logan. In his attempt to give himself a few extra precious seconds, he went to hang them in the coat closet by the door and his heart broke just a little bit to see Sophy and Jordan’s winter attire, still neatly hung in there.
Before he made his way up the stairs again, he dashed to the kitchen. Refusing to fear the consequences, he burned the letters over the kitchen sink and washed the ashes away. Maybe it wasn’t his place to make such a big decision on behalf of Logan, but he didn’t want him to see the evidence of what he had tried to do tomorrow and spiral into a dark state of mind.
When he went back to the bedroom, Logan was laying on his side, staring at the photos of his family on the bedside table. He looked completely shattered, and Sammy wondered if he should say something. He decided the moment was heavy enough without asking Logan to talk about what had just happened. Right now, he needed someone to be there for him, and comfort him. He needed someone to hold him close, show him he was valued and wanted. Sammy had never been thatsomeoneto anyone but James, but Logan made his heart race with a new type of urgency, that left him no choice but to reach for the other man without hesitation.
Sammy slid in behind Logan and pulled the duvet up over both of them, choosing to be the big spoon. He listened intently to the sound of Logan’s breathing, and as it eased and became even, the tension in his own body began to drain as well. Logan didn’t say a single word, but took Sammy’s hand and laced their fingers together, tugging him closer, then kissing his knuckles. Sammy relaxed only once he was certain Logan had fallen asleep, but even then, he made sure Morpheus came to sleep on his other side to keep watch over him through the night.
* * *
Sammy wokeup in the morning alone. He immediately panicked and was about to start calling for Logan when he noticed, Morpheus standing by the busted bathroom door, wagging his tail. He got up and walked over to the service dog. Listening intently, a sudden rush of worry took over his mind. He heard the sound of running water and leaned in, still a bit worried, only to find Logan brushing his teeth. His hair was damp and messy, and his face was still a bit flushed from his shower. Sammy smiled at him in the mirror and when Logan noticed him and turned around to return his smile, he could feel his heart leap out of his chest.
Logan turned back to the sink to rinse his mouth and once he was done, closed the distance between them. He put his hand on Sammy’s waist lightly and said, “I tried to be quiet. I didn’t want to wake you up. I wanted to come back to bed and kiss you.”
Sammy reached for him and draped his arms over Logan’s shoulders. “Why don’t you kiss me now?”
It was better than perfect – the way Logan pulled him in and leaned closer, finally caressing Sammy’s lips with his. Sammy couldn’t help but kiss him back. No matter how much he logically knew they should talk first, and kiss each other later, his body betrayed him, and he let everything else drift away. He parted his lips and let his tongue press gently in Logan’s mouth, loving his fresh minty taste. He chuckled and pulled back. “I should brush my teeth –” But Logan shut him up with another kiss and that was that.
* * *
After an obscene amountof time making out and leaning on walls, cautiously grinding on each other, they broke apart panting when Morpheus began whining and doing small circles in the bedroom.
“Oh shit!” Logan chuckled, then was about to rush through the door when he stopped himself, turned back around, grabbed Sammy’s hand, pulled him in a tight hug, kissed him hard and then dragged him hurriedly down the stairs, where Morpheus was already waiting for them by the door.
He opened the door and Morpheus flew outside. They both chuckled but didn’t follow him instead making their way to the kitchen. Logan was still holding Sammy’s hand when he started digging in his cupboards. Sammy kissed his knuckles and tugged him back for another kiss. Logan obliged and backed him into the table, then picked him up and placed him on the flat surface and leaned in between his thighs, pressing their bodies flush.
Things were getting hot and heavy, and Sammy knew his dick would hate him for it, but they had to talk. They were both clearly avoiding the shitty topic that would no doubt dampen the mood, but it had to be done. Sammy knew better than to assume, that they could just jump into bed, and his fantastic skills at giving head would miraculously erase Logan’s problems.
