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James just arched his eyebrow and smirked. “Takes a real man to handle ––”
Sammy burst out laughing. “You’re an idiot.”
* * *
Sammy decidedto leave the car with James. Maybe Logan needed a few days to himself to think things through. Regardless, he reluctantly resolved to give him some space and let Logan think about what he wanted. Sammy played the argument over and over in his head, and once he got over his initial hurt, he saw it for what it was – Logan grasping at straws trying to push him away. God knows why.
He arrived home to a thick stack of bills, some overdue, and that was a nice reminder he had even more serious shit to worry about.
Money had always been a complicated topic for him. He worked to be able to afford to do what he enjoyed and to follow his dreams. He didn’t imagine he would ever have a family, children or any serious responsibilities, hence he never worked toward any of those things. His relationships in the past few years could be accurately classified as hook-ups and nothing more substantial than that.
James had been right earlier when he was mocking him. Sammy had some wild times in the past, and those had been extremely fun. However, nothing came even remotely close to the feeling of wholeness he experienced when he had been with Logan. The way Logan had wanted him, had reached for him, had laid his quiet claim on him, it just made him feel valued and desired, in a brand-new way. Sammy refused to believe that after all was said and done, Logan would just toss him out of his mind and dismiss him completely.
What he had done this morning hurt, but Sammy could understand. He could even find the blame in himself. Now he knew, complete honesty was the way to go, and Logan wouldn’t appreciate white lies or for Sammy to be protecting his feelings by withholding information.
He started on the bills. Whatever was left from the money James had paid him, he used it to cover some of his debt, but it wasn’t nearly enough. He had to start generating some steady income. Suddenly, the thought of him just drifting with no plan bothered him.
Logan hadn’t judged him, nor questioned why Sammy wasn’t more ambitious with his work, and he had appreciated it at the time, but now he felt he wanted to make Logan proud. No. Not proud. Confident in him, sure that Sammy could step up if he had to. Be his equal.
He hadn’t cared about anyone’s opinion of his life choices in forever. Not even James mocking his erratic workflow bothered him. But right now, he wanted Logan to see him as a reliable partner and be certain that Sammy could be there for him. Like he could be good for Logan and not an irresponsible child who drifted in life, cruising from one place to the next without a plan.
With a heavy sigh, he opened his work email and went through his offers. He was immediately embarrassed to have ignored it for a few weeks and had clearly missed a couple of jobs that could have paid pretty well. The last offer that he still had a chance to catch on was for a social event a few days from now, out of town – some small hippy-dippy conference of health and wellness influencers.
He sent them an email with his rates and hoped they hadn’t hired anyone else in the meantime. If this didn’t work out, he was already making a mental list of the agencies he had worked with before. Some of his back-catalogs of photographs were pretty good. He would dump those online for sale too. He had no illusions that that move alone would solve his financial problems, but it was a start. It was him finally reaching for something.
He looked at his bed and knew for certain it would take him forever to fall asleep. Sammy already missed Logan holding him close, touching him with gentle intent, exploring his body and enjoying every bit of him. The memory of what they had done together was vivid, and he felt himself grow hard. He almost wanted to laugh at how horny and lonely he felt at the same time. He missed Logan so much, and rubbing one out, wasn’t going to cut it. But his dick clearly had other plans, so he gave up and gave in, letting himself think about his lover.
Just thinking about how divine Logan’s mouth had felt on his cock, had gotten him half-hard. Before he knew it, he had shaken his jeans down just past his hips and had taken himself in hand and was stroking his cock slowly. He closed his eyes, letting his head roll to his back. His tongue darted to brush his lower lip, and it was almost physically painful Logan’s lips weren’t there to caress his own.
An impatient whimper rose from his chest, and he spread his hips wide open, shirt tucked up so he could run a hand over his pecks and give his nipples a light tug and twist, just like Logan had loved doing. He remembered how his lover had spent long periods of time, just sucking and licking on them. Without much thought, he sucked on his fingertips and rubbed the wetness over his left nipple, shivering at the sensation of the cool air in his apartment and the wetness on his sensitive skin. He tugged on it and rolled it between his thumb and forefinger, then sped up stroking his cock, giving it a tight squeeze at the base. He was still in his office chair, so he just leaned forward and let a nice fat spit land on his cockhead and drip down his shaft. He wanted to finish but at the same time he also wanted to drag it out and enjoy every single memory of Logan touching him.
He got up and pulled his jeans down to his ankles and impatiently flopped down on the bed, knees wide apart, jeans still tangled at his feet. He spat into the palm of his left hand and rubbed it down his taint and over his hole, teasing around the rim with two fingers.
Logan eating him out had been more than he had expected, and he couldn’t help but imagine how he would feel deep inside his ass, stretching him on his fat cock, fucking him on his back, with his legs hooked over Logan’s arms. He pressed two fingers in and whimpered, the sound awfully loud in his empty apartment.
If he had planned this better, he would have had his favorite plug in his ass and his lube by his side and make a fucking meal of it, but he was close now and way too needy to feel a Logan-induced orgasm take him away. He moved his fingers in and out in an irregular rhythm, panting jacking himself off fast and rough, his body spasming from the first little electric bites of the upcoming orgasm. What finished him off in the end was the memory of Logan taking his dick in his mouth for the first time and sucking on it like it was the best thing he had ever tasted, then looking up, seeking his approval, needing to know Sammy was pleased with his efforts.
He lay there panting, his heart thrashing in his chest and his thighs twitching and shaking just a little bit, his cum drying on his belly and over his right hand. He wiped his hand on his shirt, kicked off his pants and crawled under the blankets, missing his lover even more.
* * *
The next dayhe woke up startled and sat up confused in his bed, listening intently for something. He could swear he had heard Logan’s voice calling his name, but that couldn’t be right. There was shuffling by his door and a note slipped from under his door. He could hear muffled steps growing quiet outside in the hall. He jumped out of his bed and almost landed flat on his face, tripping on the pile of clothes on the floor. He ran to the door and picked up the note.
“Sammy, I’m sorry. I acted like a complete idiot. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just panicked and fucked everything up. I’ll understand if you never want to see me again. I truly don’t deserve it, but I want you to know I don’t regret anything between us, and I’m grateful to have met you. Logan.”
He pulled the door wide open and started calling Logan’s name, then stepped outside in the corridor, only half thinking that all he was wearing was the same t-shirt he had been wearing last night when he had tumbled back into bed and no underwear. He took a few steps further out, shivering in the cold corridor, his ass covered in goose bumps, calling Logan’s name out, freaking horrified his neighbors might hear him and start peeking from their apartments. He took another step forward and Logan’s name was a cry on his lips. He didn’t want him to leave.
When he heard the sound of steps running back up the stairs, and Logan popped up from the dark staircase of his apartment building, he ran to him. The other man crushed him to his chest, mumbling incoherent, sweet, beautiful things in his ears, dragging them both back to Sammy’s apartment and kicking the door closed, still kissing him frantic and breathless.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Sammy.”
“Logan––”
They wobbled to his messy bed and fell back on it. Sammy scrambled to untangle them and undress Logan. His cold hands on his ass and back made him shiver but he leaned into the touch, wanting to be as close as possible to his lover.
They were a frantic tangled mess of limbs, grinding on each other, panting and grabbing at each other’s bodies. It was almost rough, but to Sammy it was perfect because he had his man back. Logan pressed his mouth to his, his tongue licking into him, just an unrelenting tireless attack, forcing him to open wider and to let his lover lead the way. He was so hungry for Sammy, and that was a heady feeling, Sammy let himself sink into.
His relief was immense, because even though he had tried to remain confident and calm, that their argument from yesterday would be resolved, there had been a part of him that feared he had lost something precious. Something he may never get back. Of course, Sammy had known, missing Logan wasn’t a one-sided affair, but knowing it and experiencing it were two completely different things.
