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As if sensing his unease, Logan smiled at Sammy, and tried to reassure him. “I didn’t know if I was ever going to be ready, or if I would even want to try and get back to how things were before the accident. The truth is nothing will ever be the same. Being with you, just makes me want more. I want to feel and experience more, and I want to be able to give more. Give you everything you need, be there for you like you truly deserve.”
Sammy beamed at him. This was exactly howhefelt about Logan. Hearing him say the words confirmed, that they were on the same page at last. The realization both terrified him and filled him with enormous sense of hope.
CHAPTERNINE
Logan
Spending another long weekend with Sammy was intense and overwhelming. Logan still had his moments, but he managed to catch himself before he could fumble and mess things up again. Watching Sammy work at the retreat, just filled him with this ridiculous silly pride. Sammy was charming, easy to talk to and very professional. Even though Logan had left him to do his thing, he had passed the conference room a couple of times and had peeked in. Somehow, Sammy had sensed him there and had turned around, waved, winked, and went back to his work.
Everything between them felt so good it was scary. But he refused to panic and instead decided to do something he never thought he would be doing in his life. He spent the first part of the day at the spa, then he made himself comfortable and read an obscene number of articles giving advice on anal sex. He had a bit of a laugh to himself, as he had honestly not imagined he would ever have to relearn how to be properly intimate with another person.
All the reading material humbled him quite a bit. He wasn’t at all surprised to have been able to find what he needed to prepare himself in the in-spa shop and the level of nerves he experienced making his purchase was equal to when he had gone to buy condoms for the first time in his life, nearly twenty years ago.
Luckily at a place like this, especially on a busy weekend, nobody paid him any attention and he was able to take his loot of lube, condoms, and the dreaded douche, up to their room, without getting a single side glance from the bored girl serving at the cash register. They hadn’t spoken about penetrative sex after he had brought it up yesterday. It hadn’t affected their intimacy, and they did spend the rest of the time before their trip in Sammy’s bed, pants-less, happy and all over each other.
Logan wanted to experience everything with Sammy, and after considering what he was asking for, he simply deemed it fair to be the one to “bottom”. The term made him grin and he rolled his eyes at his own immaturity. If he had to be really, really honest, getting ready for Sammy excited him. He was about to do something for the very first time with a lover he absolutely adored. He wasn’t afraid. He was simply impatient for the day to go by, Sammy to finish his work and come back to their room.
The time he had spent alone contemplating his new relationship allowed him to reach an understanding of the dynamic he shared with Sammy. What they had was just real, sweet and comforting. The more time they spent together, the more he needed to know for certain that Sammy would become a permanent fixture in his life.
Being intimate with his lover was like nothing he had ever experienced before. It was beautiful, organic, and natural. There were no clear roles, where one of them prevailed or acted more masculine than the other. It was just an equally passionate push and pull. The desire they felt for each other was very much reciprocated and they both were happy to let emotions take over and lead the way.
His sex life with Sophy had been amazing and passionate. They had truly loved each other, and their feelings had bled into their lovemaking. However, the two experiences were simply incomparable. Everything about his new relationship and his lover was different.
It dawned on Logan, that even he wasn’t the same person anymore – time and circumstances had finally seeped in moulding him into a new version of himself.
What he shared with Sammy now, what he had shared with Sophy in the past – both experiences were as equally important and precious to him.
He tossed the condoms and the lube on the bedside table and then made his way to the bathroom to get to the unpleasant part. That was a hilarious experience in itself, but he made sure he was very thorough. He had indulged in a full body massage earlier and couldn’t think of anything else to help him relax but to draw himself a nice bath and read a book.
He tipped in some of the salts that Sammy had received as a complimentary gift from some influencer and stretched lazily in the bathtub with some random book he had picked up in the lobby. He had quickly gotten bored in the bathtub, probably too excited about having sex with Sammy. The water had relaxed him enough for him to feel curious and try something a lot of articles suggested – to give himself a light massage over his taint and asshole and slip a finger or two to test how comfortable he would feel.
Well, he had gone so hard, he had to rub one out right then and there. The thought of Sammy making him feel even remotely close to this blissed out state he was in, later in the evening, kept him aroused for the rest of the afternoon.
Some of the articles he had read earlier suggested variety of toys and he wondered if Sammy had any. Truth be told he was curious about everything. The thought of trying things out with Sammy for the first time thrilled him. His imagination was feverishly concocting all sorts of steamy fantasies, filling him with anticipation.
When Sammy came back to their room just after nine, Logan had lost and gained his nerve about five times over. He knew Sammy wouldn’t hold it against him, if he backpedalled on his own schemes of seduction, since he didn’t even know what Logan had been up to all day. Ultimately, he wanted them to be intimate this way, and he gathered the confidence to push his nerves aside.
Sammy had his large camera bag over his shoulder and was carefully balancing two plates with plastic covers from the restaurant downstairs. He had asked Logan if he wanted to wait for him so they could have dinner together. Logan had been so on edge not to give himself away. He was terrible at keeping secrets and planning surprises. Logan had managed to mumble something coherent enough, and luckily Sammy had been in a hurry, and he hadn’t found his tone suspicious.
Logan was wearing some loose pajama pants, and a plain black t-shirt, courtesy of Sammy. They really did wear the same size of clothes, and Sammy had laughed about it, saying it was weirdly cute they were going to live out of the same bag of clothes until they got to Logan’s house. Yeah, same underwear too, and fuck if that didn’t make him feel silly, giddy. And yes – jockstraps did make his ass look fantastic.
Sammy kicked the door closed and smiled at him. He looked a little tired, but happy. His hair was tied in a low messy bun, and he was dressed in his signature black jeans and black hoodie. The pink high-tops had been replaced in favor of some comfortable looking black Vans.
Logan was pretty sure Sammy could wear a garbage bag, and he would still find him ridiculously hot. He had been standing still in the middle of the room staring at his lover without saying anything for way too long. Sammy placed the plates with their dinner on the small table and turned to him, giving him a curious look. His brows dipped in concern and he asked him, “Are you okay, baby?”
Logan spat out, “I prepared.”
Sammy just looked at him in confusion. “What? For what? Wait, what?” He clearly had no clue and Logan was immediately mortified. He cupped his face in his hands and half huffed in frustration. Sammy came closer and reached for him, placing his hands on his shoulders. “What’s wrong, baby?”
Logan mumbled through his fingers, too embarrassed to look at his lover, “I prepared, for you. I want you to fuck me.” He could feel Sammy stiffen, then suddenly he was enveloped in his arms. Sammy managed to pry his hands away and kissed him like his life depended on it. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“I want everything with you.” The way Sammy looked at him, like Logan was some freaking magical unicorn, unnerved him. What if he did the wrong thing? What if that wasn’t what Sammy had wanted at all? Sammy kissed him again and murmured over his lips, in between kisses, “Don’t overthink it. I love the fact that you did this, but we don’t have to go through with it, okay? Not tonight, or any other night. Everything we do together feels perfect. The way you touch me, the way you look at me – I enjoy all of it. You make me feel desired in a way I’ve never experienced before. I don’t needmore. I just wantyou.”
Logan knew then for certain he wanted to be with Sammy. He took his hand, kissed him, and dragged his lover to the bathroom, where he undressed him in between more messy kisses. They took a long shower together, kissing and touching and teasing each other. The way Sammy showed him he wanted him, and the way Logan made his lover breathless and lost for words, was exactly what he had needed to relax and build up his confidence again.
By the time they made their way back to the bedroom, his heart was hammering in excitement. Sammy pulled away from their kiss slowly and told him quietly, “Get on the bed and get on your knees.” He bit his lower lip, his eyes roaming over Logans body in appreciation. “Like you would for doggy style. Trust me.”
Logan couldn’t utter a single word. Getting on the bed and remaining on his knees propped on his hands with his back slightly arched, it felt like an outer-body experience. The bed slightly dipped behind him and Sammy’s warm hands caressing his hips and his back just felt like more. The sensation of his touch amplified the anticipation, and he was suddenly aware how painfully hard he was and how much he craved for Sammy to touch him everywhere.
