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He gritted his teeth trying to gain control over his shivering body. He managed to call out, “I'll be right down, Mom. Just stay there.”
He pulled on some thermal underwear, his sweats, and Sammy’s hoodie. The scent of his lover gave him so much peace. He felt the ghost of his arms around him, and his lips pressed to his. He knew he needed this extra bit of strength to be able to deal with Debbie.
He took a deep breath and made his way downstairs.
She met him at the bottom of the staircase, frantically studying his face. He was sure he must look all red and blotchy, probably even scratched from the shards of ice, but he pulled himself together and tried to stand tall to show his mother he was really okay.
“Hi, Mom, thank you for coming. I’m alright. I’m sorry to have scared you. Morpheus is the one that got hurt.”
She nodded slowly, her eyes still running all over his face and body, checking, looking for some sign he might be downplaying things. And yes, he was, but her attitude only made him feel more defensive. “I appreciate you coming, but I’m really okay now. You can go.”
Debbie took a step back, looking livid. “Goddamnit, Logan! You can’t keep doing this to me! I was so worried! I thought––”
“Stop it!” He groaned as his resolve to be polite and calm about this impromptu reunion went out the window. “Fucking hell, Mom! Morpheus fell through the ice in the lake, and I fell in the water, while I was trying to get him out. Can’t you fucking see I’m standing here talking to you? You don’t need to be here if this is so difficult for you! Just fucking go!”
Debbie turned on her heel to leave. She swung the door open but never made it outside. Instead, she stood there frozen for a moment before her shoulders started shaking uncontrollably from her loud sobs. Logan didn’t regret his words, although propriety told him he should apologize to his mother. For upsettingher.
He couldn’t bring himself to do that, as he didn’t care anymore if she was upset, because of her own assumptions about his mental health. He did however walk over to her, and pulled her gently back inside, then closed the front door. He guided her to the sofa and sat her down giving her a brief hug. When Logan let go of her, he just muttered, “I’ll make some tea,” and shuffled out of the living room.
He busied himself in the kitchen, painfully aware at how his hands were still shaking. His core felt frozen, and his muscles couldn’t stop tensing. He put the cups down on the counter and while he waited for the water to boil, he lifted the hem of the neckline of Sammy’s hoodie and pulled it over his face, just to comfort himself with his scent and the feel of the soft fabric on his skin. Fuck. He loved Sammy so darn much, he was never going to let him down again. He gave himself another minute to think about his lover’s face and the softness of his soothing touch, then he pulled the hoodie down, fixed the tea and went back to his mother.
Debbie had composed herself somewhat, but it was obvious she was still upset with him.
He sighed. “Listen. Can we just… I don’t know. Can you please make the effort and trust me when I tell you, I don’t want to die anymore?”
She just looked at him, like there was no chance in hell she would be so easily convinced. He rubbed his hands over his face. He was starting to feel tired and sluggish but forced himself to push through. “I know it won’t happen right away, and I know I’ve done plenty for you to be suspicious, but can you stop looking at me like I can’t be fixed? Like I’m some walking disaster just waiting to happen and ruin your life?”
Her jaw dropped and she gasped, but then her eyes fell to her feet. She didn’t seem to find the right words for a long time. Logan focused on the soothing crackle of the fire sipping his tea, keeping an eye on his phone on the coffee table. He was more anxious about Sammy calling from the hospital than what his mother had to say to him.
Yes, she had been texting him and trying to call him, but the truth was she knew where he was at all times, either at home or now working with Dave. Neither she, nor his father, nor his brother had made any real effort to see him. If anything, they had made a bigger effort to avoid him in the small town of Saratoga Springs and that shit was both impressive and hurtful.
Why? Because they didn’t want him working for the company anymore? Because he was an embarrassment with his suicide attempt and a liability? It was nice to finally have his darkest suspicions about his family confirmed – they cared for him while he was able to fulfill his obligations to them, but once his personal tragedy got in the way they wanted to have little to do with him.
Being with Sammy, witnessing his own pain and disappointment from his own family had really put things into perspective. Considering what they had now – this loving relationship Logan was ready to bet everything on – illuminated the glaring emptiness he had been existing in pre-Sammy. There was something positively heartbreaking in finding a love so pure, that it made the shortcomings of the people in his life painfully obvious.
Logan had always been loyal, supportive, and loving. He had not simply put his life on hold for the family business. He had forfeited any personal dreams he may have had about getting a higher education, possibly living away from Saratoga Springs with Sophy. He had never gotten to take chances, grow as a person away from his family and experience a life different from doing the same thing repeatedly – working, talking about the family business, worrying about if he had been working enough to help his dad. And the worst of all was, he had been content and happy with his decision to do just that. As it turns out, all the years spent in loyal service were simply not enough to compensate for his “shortcomings”, when he simply couldn’t shrug off his personal tragedy and show up to work.
The truth was he didn’t care what their reasoning might be. They had acted like he wasn’t worth the effort anymore and they didn’t deserve for him to care about their feelings or opinions of him either. Debbie could cry him a river, but she was there out of guilt too and that wasn’t really his problem.
His phone rang, and Sammy’s face popped up on FaceTime. He tried a tired smile. “Hi, baby. Are you okay? Are you still by yourself?”
“I’m fine, just having tea with Mom.” He didn’t bother turning the phone to his mom, but he could see with his peripheral vision, her face was the mask of absolute confusion. Sammy just nodded. Logan was yet again reminded how well his lover read him. He just went on.
“We only got here fifteen minutes ago. Morpheus is with the doctor now. They’re giving him fluids and are running a few tests. Dave is about to go to home, and he’ll pick us up when the doctor says we can leave. The doctor seemed hopeful. He says you got him out fast enough, and his chances to pull through this are pretty high.”
“I think I can come get you myself. I feel better already. No point sitting in the house doing fuck all. Besides that, I have Morpheus’s paperwork here. They might need some of his records.”
“Don’t push yourself just yet, okay.” Logan opened his mouth to protest but Sammy quickly interrupted him. “I promise to call you again in a bit and if they need any of that stuff, I’ll tell you right away. Okay?” He looked straight into his eyes and murmured, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Logan smiled, relief washing over his body. The call was done, and he placed his phone on the coffee table, resting his eyes on the rough surface.
Well, there it was now, no point beating around the bush, certainly not for Debbie, Lucas, or Tom.
His mother cleared her throat. “Logan… who… who was that?”
“I told you when I called you, my partner Samuel was taking Morpheus to the animal hospital. I suppose you could say he’s my boyfriend, but to me Sammy is so much more important than that.” He turned and looked at his mother, astounded at how much relief he felt to have had this over and done with. He really didn’t care what she thought of him anymore.
He chuckled and shook his head in disbelief when his mother said, “Was that…he’s a man?”
