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“Kicking and screaming, Cy fought for us, even if it was no use. Even if we were just kids. Like a fool, I cried because I didn't know why my brother didn't want to hold me anymore. I didn’t know why he would rather get beaten for it than stay with me. I was too young to understand. I was so scared and lonely.
“As we got older, things were too hard to forget or ignore. We were both sick with it. Fully grasping the reality of what we had been made to do was heartbreaking. Through it all, the only way we managed to survive was to be there for each other.
“For many years, there seemed to be no escaping it. No way out. We were hopelessly drifting through a life of abuse and the depraved whims of our parents. They made their living selling drugs, recording and distributing images of us. We had each other, but in a world where we had to endure so much abuse, the love we had for one another simply wasn’t enough. I think we were too scared to imagine whatnormallife would be like for two kids this messed up and broken.
“That’s why Cyril started shaving my head all the time. Anything to deter them from using us, anything to make us look…undesirable. To have to think of that stuff at ten and twelve years old…I don’t even know how we didn’t start using drugs. I began coming home bruised and filthy. My hair was gone, my skin broken, black and blue from fights I’d start at school. The sight of me infuriated them. I was no longer pretty. Certainly notlike a girl.Not pretty enough to earn them money.
“That's what they kept saying, that I wouldn’t make them any money looking like a beat-up degenerate. They threatened and taunted, but Cy and I kept doing everything and anything to prevent them from taking advantage of us. We were too bruised and skinny to be filmed anymore. That’s what we foolishly thought. That someone might care or be deterred by the way we appeared.
“Then in desperation for money, our parents would drug us and film whatever transpired. We didn’t even know on some days that it had happened, but other nights, Cyril would come to faster than me and would trash the place in anger.
“We were living like fucking animals, and something had to give. As we grew older, it was harder to be coerced into things. We would never eat there, too scared there were drugs in the food that was offered. We ate scraps from bins and half-eaten food from diner plates. Money was so hard to come by. Jobs were scarce as it was in the area we lived in, but to show up looking to get hired, filthy and bruised, with everyone knowing our family…we never stood a chance.
“For a long time, I thought we were getting away with stealing food, that we were sneaky and clever. It took me way longer than necessary to realize that all those people working in diners and gas stations who saw us digging through trash and letting us eat their garbage were probably thinking they were showing us kindness. I wish someone had fucking done more...
“Eventually it all stopped for Cyril – he was too difficult, had grown too big and mouthy, hard to coerce, almost impossible to manipulate, but I … they wanted me to...”
Rian chokes on another sob. His whole body is shaking with labored breaths. Rian is hyperventilating, struggling to gain control over himself.
“That’s enough, Ri. You did it. You told me everything. You are not alone, Ri. I got you. I will never let anyone ever hurt you again. I will always be there for you, no matter what.”
Rian has lost the ability to think. He is sinking deep in a dark void of painful jumbled memories, horror after horror scene playing out in his mind mixed with all his conflicting emotions. Having Cyril near him, growing up the way they had was sickening. It hurt so much that it also had been the only soothing touch he had known.
But he is safe now, in the arms of his lover. Rian clings to that thought as sleep finally claims him.
Tayida has found his way at last, coming back to him.
His beloved shares his strength with him. Ty’s mere presence breathes courage into Rian’s heart.
CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN
Rian, Ri, Ree-ahn
OCTOBER 2022
Afew days later, they are sitting in a small waiting room at a clinic in town. They’ve been waiting for roughly only fifteen minutes, yet Rian’s palms are sweaty with nerves. Ty has already had a turn and seems perfectly calm. A penis-shaped lolly pop is poking out of his tank top pocket. It’s a hilarious little touch meant to get those damn nerves under control, but Rian can’t help it. He worries he may have already put Ty at risk.
Tayida leans closer and ghosts a kiss on his temple, “Please don’t worry. Whatever the outcome, we can deal with it. I love you.” Ty’s words soothe him and bring him so much comfort. He simply seems to know exactly what to say. His confidence around Rian has grown immensely in the past weeks. Rian feels supported in every way. Secure and safe.
Ty leans in giving him another quick sweet kiss on the lips. Tayida has been holding his hand the whole time.
“Rian, we don’t have to do this. If it’s too much, I’d rather we go home and––”
Rian shakes his head adamant. “No. I want to. I must,” he sighs. “We’ve been out and about for weeks. Harris hasn’t made a move. If there is anything that can force him to show his hand, it’s this – knowing that I don’t belong to him anymore.”
Ty brings their intertwined fingers to his lips and kisses Rian's knuckles.
The door to the examination room opens.
Rian’s finally getting called in. “Rian Owen?”
Using his own family name is another dig at Harris Kelly. Rian wants him to know, he no longer belongs to him, nor is he committed to the sham of a marriage Harris had tricked him into.
The nurse smiles at him. Her hair is bright purple, and her glasses have the coolest glitter decorated frames Rian has ever seen. She reminds him of a famous drag queen from Australia. The bright splash of color puts him at ease. She is otherwise wearing regular baby blue scrubs and comfortable looking purple Crocs.
Ty is grinning at her, giving her a quick two-finger salute. He’s already had his turn talking to nurse Toni.
They are getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Part of the process is, that each of them will have an extended chat with Toni about unprotected sex and going on PrEP.
