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As the hours go by, something even worse is happening to Scott. Ty recognizes the signs of a man falling apart, someone about to dive headfirst into a colossal panic attack.
They have all seen the outline of the base in the distance, and the more the night advances, bringing them closer to their impending return to camp, Scott seems to take a turn for the worse. He doesn't even look like the same person anymore and Ty finds himself just as concerned about him as Cy appears to be.
Their previous bullshit is forgotten. It’s fucking nothing in comparison to what is eating this man alive right before Ty’s very eyes.
Scott is…Sebastian is exhausted.
Sebastian looks like he is in pain, and it is drowning him so visibly, that Ty can almost feel it suffocating him.
Tayida has seen this before. This suffering is like a real poison. There’s only one cure – the body must rid itself of this agony just as much as the mind must forgive the brittle human spirit for making mistakes and choosing ego over kindness.
In the thick of night, they can only hear his breathing hitch.
Sebastian slumps on the ground. Cy doesn’t think when he gathers him close. Ty moves nearer, both bracketing Scott between them as he sobs quietly until he is breathless and completely out of it, muttering to himself undecipherable nonsense. Soon he is out, sleeping restlessly, whimpering, and mumbling incoherent things in his sleep.
Ty takes over, pulling Sebastian closer to himself. His face is tucked in Ty’s chest, and he rubs Sebastian’s back, soothing him. Cy sits up by his side keeping watch, one hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. Like he can’t bring himself to let go. Like he needs to be connected to them.
Sebastian is their brother now. There is no need to talk about it. It just is. They will look after him.
Ty won’t sleep tonight. He’s listening to Sebastian’s breathing and Cy is watching over them.
Every time Sebastian shivers and cries out in his sleep, Ty tucks him in closer.
Hours later, he can tell Sebastian is awake, and he is preparing for the recoil of his body, but it never comes. He is resigned. He allows Ty to hold him, and he nuzzles his face into Ty’s chest, seeking his warmth. He’s not looking up, avoiding eye contact, but at least he’s not pulling away. A small progress, a tiny step forward, giving Ty hope, that not all is lost. He might be late to reach for Sebastian, but it’s not too late to help him heal.
Ty keeps his breathing steady. Absentmindedly, he thinks how much easier this shit is when it isn't about him. When someone else needs him. He is confident in his care just like Cyril has taught him to be.
He waits another moment, and then he quietly asks, “If you need to talk, about anything at all, I swear I’ll listen with no judgment.”
Sebastian is shaking his head,no.
Ty runs his large hands over his shoulder, then cups the back of his head, leans lower, and kisses his hair. “It's okay. You don't have to. Either way, I’m here for you.” That's all he says. Ty feels victorious when after a tense beat of silence Sebastian's arm curls over his left side. He can feel Sebastian fisting the back of his jacket holding on for dear life. Although his confidence won’t waver, he looks up to Cy.
Am I doing this right?
Is he going to be, okay?
Cyril bobs his head in approval. He reassures both of them, “We’ll stay one more day. I’ll think of something.”
Cyril looks as concerned as Ty feels. Ty can tell he wants to be closer to Sebastian but is holding back from overwhelming the other man. Ty has never seen him this nervous before.
Sebastian is listening and his hold is a bit more relaxed now, but he is still clutching the fabric of his jacket, nonetheless. Ty murmurs in his hair, “I won't let go. I got you, Sebastian.”
Sebastian stills in his arms and then he is shaking with soundless sobs.
“Breathe, Sebastian. Breathe,” he croons in his hair just like Cy does for him.
Ty knows now why Cy does what he does. There is a great sense of fulfillment, in comforting someone who’s hurting so much they can’t even speak. To make them feel safe. Even to give them the simple choice to experience their pain and cry in front of another person, knowing their feelings are validated and respected.
Sebastian is wailing now and even though Ty’s chest is muffling most of the sound, he is worried. Sebastian might go under again with exhaustion and from hyperventilating.
Tayida feels they are on the precipice – either he talks now, or he goes under again, wakes up, and pushes away from him. Their fragile connection would be shattered, and he may refuse their help altogether.
Would Sebastian find it in himself to ask for comfort, or would he continue on his path of self-destruction?
“Sebastian, can you nod if you’re listening?”
No response.
