AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Sebastian, I won’t force it out of you, but you need to let me know you’re still with us.”
There is a barely perceptible nod against his chest. Cy has seen it too, and he gives Sebastian's shoulder a squeeze. “Good boy. You're safe. You're with us. We got you, brother.”
As he says the last word, he looks up to Cy and they agree this is for Sebastian now.
Ty strokes his hair and follows his breathing intently. When Sebastian is calmer, he starts to tell him a story. He hadn't planned on it, but in moments like these, nothing but absolute honesty matters.
“I almost drowned the summer before enlisting.”Sebastian shifts in his arms. He is listening. Ty goes on, “I was on my own in my dad’s hunting cabin. I took the boat out and got caught up in a storm.”
Ty meets Cyril’s eyes over Sebastian’s shoulder. He has never told him this story. In all honesty, it’s not even a secret. He’s just kept it to himself, as it is one of the few private experiences that he can’t fully explain to his friend.
“What happened?” Sebastian croaks.
Ty must have been quiet for longer than intended. Is he ready to tell this story? He’s not sure, but here goes everything.
“I... after my father died, my grandparents swooped in to take care of all the funeral arrangements and wanted to take his ashes.I didn't think I cared either way, but before their lawyer was due to leave, I couldn't let him go. I asked for one last moment with his remains. I guess he felt sorry enough for me, because he left the room, giving me privacy. I took the small bag containing my father’s remnants and put the urn back in the box from the funeral home. To this day, I don't think my grandparents even realize I did that, and if they do, I suppose they let me have him.”
“You never told me about that day,” Cyril mutters.
There is a lot of softness in his tone. He’s not accusing Ty or questioning him.
Ty shrugs his shoulders. He can feel Sebastian stiffening and then turning his head to the side. His breathing is calmer, and he is listening to him.
“I guess I wasn’t sure why I’d done it or how to explain what I did after. I was in a weird place mentally. The way the whole thing played out…I didn’t want to dwell on it for too long once it had passed. It was too painful to think how bad things could have ended if it hadn’t been for some dumb luck.”
Cyril bobs his head in understanding. Ty can see him biting his lower lip, trying to suppress his questions. Sebastian stirs in his arms.
“What did you do with the ashes?”
“I didn't have anywhere else to go after graduating so I hitchhiked to my father’s cabin and stayed there for the summer. He didn't take me there often. We went mostly when I was little, but I still had some fond memories of the weekends we spent there.Just us men, he'd say. We'd go fishing and take the dogs out hunting. It was great.”
“My dad used to take me fishing,” Sebastian whispers.
Ty chuckles softly. “Then you’ll know exactly what I mean when I tell you, that on our last visit there, the motor choked, and we were stuck in the boat for hours. We were far away from the shore, several miles at least. My dad, George, could swim back with his eyes closed, but it was too far for me. I was only five and I've always been afraid of the deep. Never with my dad though, he was my hero back then.
“George called on the radio, but we were too off the grid, and no one picked up our signal.”
“Where were your oars?” Sebastian asks him. There is a bit more energy in his voice, making Ty feel hopeful.
“Well.” Ty chuckles at the memory of his skinny arms wrestling with the heavy oars and eventually, letting go and losing them in the deep murky waters. “My stupid hyper ass wanted to help, and I unlocked the paddles and tried to hook them by myself. Before my father could stop me, they slipped from my arms and fell into the water and I stumbled in right after them. I was so damn lucky Dad grabbed me right away.
“George wasn't even mad I lost the oars. He was only worried about me.I was soaking wet, so he gave me his own shirt, and then he got in the water. He swam back to the shore, dragging the boat. It took hours.
“He kept checking on me the whole time. The tides dragged us further away from our dock but finally, we reached the shore at sundown. Dad dragged the boat through the rocky terrain, his feet were covered in cuts by the time the boat was fully secured. He carried me through the beach and on his shoulders all the way home leaving bloody prints on the dusty road. He sang the whole time, so I wouldn’t be afraid of the dark.
“He was never angry back then. When we got to the cabin, I was so scared he'd say he is disappointed with me as he should have been, but all he said was,You're my one and only Ty. My beloved child. I could never be mad at you.”
Why is this so darn hard to remember? So hurtful to know, that Tayida hadn’t been enough for George to turn his life around. That his love for Ty hadn’t been strong enough to continue putting him first.
No matter the disappointment Ty felt at reminding himself of that day, it still meant something that there had been moments in his childhood when his father had truly cared.
“That's where I took his ashes. To the cabin. Dragged the old boat in the water. The motor wasn’t working. I rowed to the place we had gotten stuck all those years ago and spread his ashes in the water.
“I couldn't think of words that would fit the moment. I had been his most cherished person at one point and then a nuisance shortly after. He loved me once upon a time and then he spent years hurting me.
“So I sat there looking at the dark waters trying to remember everything. Not just the good times. All the horrible things he’d say to me when he was drunk. All the times he’d hit me. I suppose I was too lost in my own thoughts to notice the storm brewing above me. A summer thunderstorm suddenly hit, and the boat flipped trapping me under briefly.” Sebastian is still in his arms. He is listening. Ty goes on.
“I thought I was going to die. I thought there was no point in struggling. I figured, why bother? No one would even miss me. No one even knows I’m there.”
