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The monthbefore he goes home is a blur. All he can see is Rian’s face. Cyril hasn’t called much, as is their plan. Ty is so caught up in his nerves about spending the holidays with them, that he doesn’t even notice Cy’s increasingly distant attitude until it’s too fucking late.
The worst day in his entire existence is the day he is informed of Cyril’s death by someone from the administration on base.
There are no fucking words, no breath left in him as he sits there while the details of the accident are delivered to him. Why hasn’t he been contacted immediately after the incident? Why hasn’t Rian reached out?
He is so fucking stunned, he can’t even bring himself to completely accept this new reality – a life devoid of light, existing without Cyril. It just can’t fucking be. Not like this. Not when they were worlds apart. Not when they were so fucking close to starting over.
There must be something…there must be a way…Ty can’t allow the loss of Cyril to sink in. He feels guilty even though he knows he has no hand in this tragedy.
It’s fucking insane to even consider it, but his anxious mind is losing its grip on rationalizing what is sensible and what comes from the hollow void of his most shameful fears.
Ty has to deal with the aftermath of losing his only friend, his brother, all on the fucking plane back home. He spends days traveling, worried sick about Rian. He’s not able to reach Rian, no matter how many times he tries. Somehow hyper-focusing on trying to get a hold of Rian helps him anchor his own grief and keep the emotions of devastation at bay.
All of Tayida’s calls go to voicemail. The emails he sends bounce back. Rian’s and Cyril’s socials seem to have been deleted. Ty doesn’t give up though.
It hurts like fucking hell when finally, someone answers Rian’s phone, only to tell him he’s not available and the information about Cyril’s funeral is only provided to close family members. Ty grits his teeth and bites back a snarl, politely insisting he’s a close family friend, only for the call to be disconnected abruptly and the device switched off.
Cyril is fucking dead.
Everything has gone to shit. Rian is out there alone, dealing with all this heartbreak, probably thinking Ty has abandoned him to deal with his grief alone. He must make it right. He must fucking fix this.
Rian is his everything. All they have now is each other, as the sun has set on both of them, forever fading from this world. There is nothing but cold darkness closing in. Nothing but sorrow. Ty must hurry home and be strong for Rian. He must focus and persevere. Just as Cyril would have wanted him to. Just as Rian needs him to.
Error,email not delivered. Incorrect email address.
Saved to Draft.
Read one hundred times.
Ty, please for the love of everything you’ve ever held dear, please fucking call me back. I swear to God this isn’t about my email. Please, Ty, I beg of you to just come home. There was an accident. Cy is hurt. He’s in the hospital. Tayida please, forgive me, I take it all fucking back, every single word. Please just come home. I need you. Cyril needs you. They want me to let him die! They want to stop his treatment. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do. I fight and argue with the hospital staff daily. All our savings are poured into mere weeks of his care, I’m running out of money to buy him time.
I’m scared to fall asleep, and I can’t leave him out of my sight even for a moment. Monica is here and I just…I’m so tired Ty, I’m fucking exhausted. I’m so scared I’ll close my eyes for a second and he’ll be gone. Tayida, I need you. Please, don’t leave me.
Please, please, please Ty I can’t do this alone. I’m so fucking scared. Please come home.
Rian
CHAPTEREIGHT
Rian, Ri, Ree-ahn
DECEMBER 2017
“Rian? Honey, are you ready? They’re waiting for you to decide. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, I ––” His aunt Monica startles him, not for the first time tonight. He hasn’t noticed her quietly enter the room and reach for him. He shrugs off her small bony hand from his shoulder, refusing to accept her fake forced affection.
Where was fucking Monica when ten years ago, Cyril and Rian had nowhere to go and were forced to flee their parents’ home with one hundred dollars between them and a bag of tattered old wear?
Everything they owned, including clothing, they often had to share even if Rian was tall and skinny, and Cyril was stockier with broader shoulders from playing football in high school.
He gives her a pissed look that quickly has her scurrying out of the hospital room, leaving a faint aroma of cigarettes behind. Rian isn’t prepared to let go, nor does he give a shit anyone is waiting. All those people outside are strangers to him and can go fuck themselves.No, he isn’t fucking ready to lose his only family.
Shortly after Cyril had turned eighteen, he saved them both from their terrible parents. At the time, they were living in the middle of the sticks in Alabama, in a run-down caravan park. Their home was constantly filled with strangers in various states of inebriation.
Rian and Cyril spent most of their childhood being ignored and watching their parents cook and sell meth. When Rian couldn’t take it anymore, retreating to a dark place in his mind, Cyril stepped up and did the impossible to make him feel safe again.
Even his military career had not broken their bond. Cyril had moved heaven and earth, so Rian would never want nor need anything. He made sure they would never suffer as they had for most of their lives, surviving by relying on the kindness of relatives, who weren’t predisposed to being kind at all.
