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Nothing bothers Ty’s new friend. Nothing seems to scare him. Most importantly, no one fucks with him. He is a force to be reckoned with. He looks it too. Cy is built like a brick shit house – broad-shouldered, heavy-set, and tall. Cyril is the human embodiment of a wrecking ball with a charming smile.
Guys in training don’t fuck with Ty either, because Cy is always there, looming over his shoulder glaring at anyone who tries to mess with him.
Tayida has never had a friend like that. Cyril gives him so much, quickly filling the empty spaces of Ty’s soul and drenching his life with color.
He still gets the occasional email from his mother Sally. She often says that she knows he doesn’t need her. He’s too old to besmotheredby his mommyshe says. It feels like she’s urging him to confirm her statement.
Tayida won’t give Sally what she so desperately needs to free herself from whatever minuscule residual guilt she might be feeling for abandoning him.
The indifferent way she talks to Ty makes him embarrassed he even misses her. She has never been much for affection to begin with, so fuck if Tayida knows why he gives a shit about her or why he hasn’t changed his name to something easier on the ears. Tayida may be conflicted about many things concerning his mother, but one thing he is certain of, is that he’s never going to chase after Sally and beg her to love him.
The name she gave him at birth sounds like an insult whenever he must introduce himself.
Tayida.
Beloved one.
What a fucking joke.
Ty is very much aware that nobody loves him.
Occasionally, people ask him what his name means, and he lies, saying he doesn’t know. Ty tells them he doesn’t speak Thai, but that’s not true either. He is sick of people starting pointless conversations with him pretending they give a shit about him or part of his cultural heritage.
One of the worst instances is when people enthusiastically begin listing items from takeaway menus as an example of theirknowledge. He is tired of having to keep a straight face – the fact that they can order food doesn’t mean they speak a foreign language. Don’t get him started on constantly being referred to as a K-pop Idol when he isn’t fucking Korean.
Ty is so beyond done explaining that his father is American and that he has spent his entire life in Jacksonville. Tayida knows more about Mike McCready than he does about the birthplace of his mother.
This life he’s signing himself up for isn’t what he really wants, but his reality thus far has been so horrible that he hasn’t allowed himself to dream of more. What else is there anyway, but surviving and being tolerated by others?
Somehow Cy makes him feel like his skinny ass is just as deserving of friendship and love as any other loser kid, with shitty parents and nowhere to fucking go.
After having listened to Cy talk about his brother Rian for countless hours, Ty knows their life isn’t easy, but he wishes he had this – boundless love and devotion for another person. He wishes he mattered to someone, as much as Rian matters to Cyril. God, the way his eyes shine when he talks about him. It’s like Rian is his most treasured possession.
Ty wants to be the recipient of such love, to have such an unbreakable connection with someone. Would it be so bad if he was to become a part of what they shared? Would he be asking too much?
The more Ty thinks about it, the more his thoughts become bitter, as he knows those things are not likely to happen. He keeps his musings to himself. Even though Cyril is his friend, Ty’s dreams of becoming a part of their family are not realistic.
They don’t need him.
No one does.
* * *
SUMMER OF 2011
Ty is wide awake, way before four-thirty, staring at the cot above him, waiting for Cyril to stir, indicating he’s close to waking up. Ty is always up before him, but he never rushes him. Listening to Cy’s steady breathing gives him comfort.
His eyes drift to the small polaroids tucked into the springs above his face. Images of Ty and Cyril after drills, grinning like idiots. They should send some of those to Rian, he’d probably love to have them for his albums. Cyril keeps teasing him over the phone about it, but Rian insists on collecting them and Ty just thinks…well it’s fucking cute, okay? Someone wanting to hold on to a piece of you always.
Cyril might play all tough, but he practically lives to make his brother proud. His unwavering devotion to Rian warms Ty’s heart. Although he has never met Rian, he imagines him to be a smaller, baby-faced version of Cyril. There are no photographs of him. Cyril says he’s just shy and hates to have his photo taken, but there’s something there that warrants no further discussions. Ty gets it, Cyril is very protective of Rian. He probably doesn’t want the other creeps from the barracks to ogle him.
Sometimes he finds himself worried if the boy is alright out there on his own. It’s none of his business to ask, but he cares about him already, even though they’ve never met.
It's not like he has a crush or anything. That would be crazy right?! They’ve only spoken on the phone like, maybe twice when Cyril couldn’t make it fast enough. Rian had anxiously asked for Tayida instead and they had this awkward conversation, hilariously blurting things and interrupting each other the whole time.
It’s dumb to think about it, but damn it, his stupid brain is just not getting the memo.
And it’s not like he doesn’t get any attention. He does and he promptly disregards it.
