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When guys and girls try to figure Tayida out, he simply ignores them and soon they move on.
Being gay isn’t a big revelation to him. It’s something he has always known about himself.
He’s just not into any of them. He’s not into anyone.
Definitelynotinto Rian, whom he’s never met.
Tayida is not exactly in the closet, but he’s not advertising his sexuality either.
If anything, there simply isn’t another person he has met and has gotten to know that he would be willing to make himself vulnerable for. End of story. The autonomy of his body is all he has real control over and that will stay firmly so until the right person comes along.
Rian, his brain helpfully supplies.
As with many queer people, his first experience is not quite positive, and it kind of forces him to be extra cautious.
It happens while he’s making his first Valentine’s Day card in pre-school. Ty wants to give his handmade card to another boy. He has written his name with great effort, tracing it with crayons and decorating his card with glitter and many hearts.
Adam.
He is immediately scolded by his teacher, who angrily declares that’s not appropriate at all. He takes away his card and locks it in one of the drawers of his desk like it’s the dirty evidence of a crime he’s committed.
Fortunately, the incident remains between them, and he gets to keep his secret. It’s a secret only because he is admonished for his disgusting behavior. The teacher tells him he should be ashamed of himself for having ugly, unnatural thoughts.
When his mother picks him up, he is promptly reported. His teacher slaps the card on his desk and his disgruntled tirade echoes through the empty classroom. Sally does the one decent parenting move that Ty can remember and is probably the reason why he hasn’t written her off just yet. She calmly tells his teacher to fuck off and never ever harass her child again. She promptly reminds him that this type of hate speech is no longer something institutions can get away with.
There are no further arguments, nor an apology. They just leave.
For Sally to speak up in his defense, in English, even though she is always self-conscious of her accent and the fact that even after years in the States, she is still mastering the language, is a big fucking deal. From a very young age, Tayida has been her interpreter of sorts, speaking for his mother on occasion. This is the first time she has taken the reins and defended him with her own words, even at the risk of embarrassing herself and failing miserably.
On the way home there isn’t much of a discussion either. Sally hardly seems surprised. Perhaps mothers do know all that shit without having to be told. She simply mentions that two of her brothers are gay and there is nothing wrong with the way he feels about other boys. As far as Sally is concerned, Tayida can love whoever he wants to, as long as it brings him happiness.
Before they walk inside the house, she stops and looks hesitantly toward the living room window, where the glare of the television illuminates the slumped body of George, who is already snoozing on the couch. She drops on one knee and in a rare tender moment, cups Ty’s cheek with her small hand and whispers, “Don’t tell George.”
“But you said ––”
“I did. And I meant it. But you’re too young to protect yourself, and I can’t always be here to watch over you.”
What she implies, that George might hurt him, should he find out, grips his young heart with fear. Even then, when things are not nearly as bad as they were in the end, Ty doesn’t doubt the validity of her warning. He’s seen his father lose control. Although, thus far, he’s gone mostly after his mother, it’s Ty who seems to get his unrequited attention these days.
Sally tells him it’s their secret.And so it remains. For years.
How sad is it, that before meeting Cyril, his absent mother is the only person to know his truth?
Contemplating romance and sex seems pointless, especially when he has been struggling to avoid homelessness before joining the Army.
Who would want him anyway?
Certainly not someone like Rian, who is on his way to college, chasing his dreams.
Tayida is so accustomed to being tolerated, put up with, andallowedto experience basic human decency, that at some point, he has simply grown to believe these things are luxuries he must notdemandof others.
And what is love, but all those things given freely?
Unconditionally.
Perhaps he really is some sort of nuisance in the periphery of other people’s lives. He should be fucking grateful that he’s made it this far and now has a friend.
Ty mustn’t be difficult.
