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I shifted forward and reached for her but she pressed back against the arm of the couch. I’d be lying if I said her rebuff didn’t sting.
“You’re not screwed up.”
“I don’t know what else to call it. I have issues because of things that have happened in my past. You deserve someone who doesn’t mentally freak out every time you’re in the company of other women.”
She took my hand in hers and squeezed.
“Remember when I was upset when I found out that you and Zoe still talk?”
“Yeah.”
“You told me that you didn’t have a bad breakup.” I nodded. “I’ve nevernothad a bad breakup. I also haven’t had a normal relationship. There was always some kind of drama or issue. That’s one reason I enjoy being with you so much. It’s fun and easy.”
“Yes it is,” I said. “And I think we can work through anything.”
She shook her head.
“Based on things I’ve said through the years, I’m sure you already figured out that Brian cheated on me. I won’t make you listen to all the crappy details, but what it boils down to is that he cheated on me. A lot. One of the women was his ex, which is why that’s a trigger.”
“Keera, I’m not Brian. I’dnevercheat on you.”
She offered a sad smile then let my hand go.
“I know that. I swear to you that deep in my heart, I know that.” She swallowed and blinked back tears. “But there’s some warped place deep inside me that’s just reactive. And it triggers my insecurities about our relationshipandmy body issues.”
She took a drink of water then set the bottle back on the coffee table.
“This issue was there after I found out you and Zoe are still friends. But I bumped into Brian a couple weeks ago and a lot of my insecurities were brought to the forefront.”
“Was that when you kept saying you were tired?” She nodded. “Iknewsomething was wrong. What did he say?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head. “What does is the fact that he could affect me at all. If I was truly over everything, that wouldn’t happen.”
She seemed so sad and so determined to let this affect our relationship.
“Keera, none of this matters,” I said. “I love you and you love me.That’swhat matters.”
“I wish it was that easy.”
“It is if you let it be.”
She shook her head and looked down at her hands.
I have no idea what to say, how to convince her that I’m perfectly happy with our relationship. If she gets jealous or whatever, we can deal with that as it comes along.
“So what do you think we should do?”
She took in a deep breath and let it out before looking me in the eye.
“I think we should take a break.”
“A break?” She nodded. “For how long?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Keera, don’t do this. Please don’t let Brian and whoever else ruin the good that’s between us.”
“I love you Simon. I really do.” A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away. “Please give me some time to deal with this.”
