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“Thought I’d see how you’re doing.”
“Why does everyone want to know how I’m doing?” I mutter, wiping my lips with the back of my hand. I feel better already.
“Because you’ve never been like this before and it’s concerning.”
“Like what? At home, taking care of myself?”
Nanna sighs. “Heartbroken, Jace. And I barely call this taking care of yourself.” She points at the mess everywhere. The floor is filthy and so is every surface top. There’s grime on the couches, no food in the fridge apart from leftover takeout. Simply put, my apartment looks sad.
“I’m alright.”
“No, you’re not. First step is admitting you’re not alright.”
I stare her down. “Fine, I'm not alright. Can we move on to making the pancakes now? I’m hungry.”
Nanna lays the eggs down and leans closer to me, trying to make her point. “You’re acting like a child. I know you, and I know you’ll ignore everything until the feeling finally numbs for you to pretend it never existed. You did it when your parents died too, and like hell will I let you go through this the wrong way.” With eyebrows raised, shoulders squared and voice unwavering, she continues. “Tell me what happened.”
“You know what happened, Nan,” I say softly. Defeatedly.
“So Carli came and asked for you to listen to her explain everything and you threw her out. What else?”
“Nothing else. No one’s seen her since.”
“Aren't you worried?”
“Of course I am. But it’s not my place to worry anymore.”
“If you still love her, then it still is.”
“But she doesn't love me!” I spit out. “If she did, she wouldn’t have slept with Devon while saying she loved me. If she did, she wouldn’t have run away. She hurt me, Nan. Why would she hurt me if she loves me?” My words come out almost pleadingly. I’m begging for an answer because I don’t know what to make of it.
“Why would she want to explain things to you if she doesn't love you, Jace? You don’t know why she kept her pregnancy a secret. Instead you’re building assumptions with what Devon told you. A man you don’t trust, no less. You let your anger get the best of you when she finally came to talk to you. And don’t ever fault her for running. If I were pregnant, I would put my child first too before dealing with messy consequences that will risk my safety. Don’t you ever wonder what she wanted to say to you?”
“She told me she expected the father to care about his child. So she might have wanted to talk about Devon, and I didn't want to hear it.”
Nanna stays quiet. Her fingertips trace her lips before she cautiously puts out. “What if she meant you?”
“What?” I frown.
“Carli said she expected the father to care right after you showed her how much you don’t care. That sounds like she was saying it’s your kid.”
I chuckle. “Can’t be. I asked her and she said yes.”
“Asked her what?” Nan pushes. And I think back to the text I sent. Did I ask her if she was pregnant with Devon’s child…or? I pull out my phone hurriedly from my back pocket. My fingers tremble as I scroll to my message.
“Holy shit,” I curse. “I asked if she’s pregnant and she said yes.”
Smiling, Nana moves to put the eggs back inside the fridge. “I know Carli. She would have never done something to hurt you without a reason. And this? It looks like she didn't do anything wrong to begin with. She just lied to be safe. Maybe from Devon.”
I stare at Nanna. The pieces click into place. The conversations, the way Carli acted, why she wanted to break up with me before we went to see Beth at the hospital. And how everything blew up right after.
And whenever Carli said she loved me, I felt those words coming straight from her soul.
“Go find her,” Nanna urges.
“Yeah,” I nod, swallowing hard. “But what if you’re wrong?”
“Then at least you’ll know for sure without wondering for the rest of your life if you could have gotten your love back, right?”
