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Chapter5
Carli
“Carli, you’re looking great, babe! Look at that glow.”
I smirk at Jonah, the regular bald-headed, thick-bearded man while balancing three plates on my arms. Jonah looks terrifying with his tattoos and burly build. It was only after a few conversations with him I realized he was quite the opposite. A softy inside, although no one would even guess it.
“Try to keep that in mind when you’re leaving your tip, alright?” I tease and Jonah laughs. His belly bounces up and down with each deep chuckle of his, and I find myself grinning wider.
I’ve been doing that a lot these days. Smiling. When I wake in the morning, I don’t turn my face back into the pillows and wait until my eyes run dry. I immediately get up, a jump to my step, ready to make most of my life. Day by day, I’m getting my peace back. I’m learning to be independent again, and how to love myself without having anyone to do it for me. Sure, on my bad days, I dream of Jace. But that’s nothing an extra shift at the diner can’t fix.
Opening the kitchen door with my hip, I walk in and place the dirty dishes in the sink. Over the counter, the windows are wide open. The sun is setting in the distance, creating an orange hue around me. I miss the chill of the ocean wind, but I like the difference I feel here. It’s hot and humid and when I feel dizzy, Daisy the manager, and Tiff, another waitress I’ve become good friends with over just a couple days, sit me down and fan away my sweat with newspapers. I realized then I could find family here with the hope they won’t be backstabbing jerks. And I’ll tell my child of the family I lost in Rockport and back home…
The crowd is a little less this Monday evening. So the tips are a little lower than what I usually collect during rush hours. However, I’m pleased with it. I’ve been earning more than I thought. I untie the knot of my apron and pull out the wad of cash in my pockets. Bending, I pick up my bag I stored under the cabinets. The diner is pretty small, so the kitchen is where we keep our belongings as well. I can’t complain.
The doors behind me fly open and Tiff comes rushing in. “Here, Jonah left your tip.” She places twenty dollars in my palm, and slides to sit over the island. There are cooking utensils everywhere, but like the unbothered 19-year-old Tiff is, she doesn’t think twice before pushing them hastily away.
“Tell me your secret, Carli.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “How do you get them to like you so fast?”
“I’ve been waitressing before,” I reply. “Long long time ago, but I learned that if you’re friendly and if you flirt, the men with deep pockets will tip you higher.” I nudge her shoulder. “And they’ll ask for you when they come back.”
“Flirting…got it.” Tiff laughs. “I’m horrible at that, but you’ve got to give me lessons sometime.”
I giggle with her, teasing. “Sure, I charge for an hour.”
Rolling her eyes, Tiff asks, “What else, though? I mean you always look great and hot. I’m assuming I should take care of my looks too? Should I get knocked up?”
It’s right at that moment Daisy comes in with a heavy exhale. She gives us girls an assessing look and pointedly says to Tiff, “No more pregnant ladies here. We have one too many already.”
“But we love you,” Tiff smiles at me.
I pout mockingly, knowing full well they do. “I’ve got to get home and finish the nursery,” I state, flinging my bag over my shoulder.
“Tomorrow, same time?” Daisy strides over to me, wraps one plump around me and pulls me in for a hug. It’s one of her motherly theories that pregnant women need at least one hug a day. Not more, if not you risk serious bodily harm.
“I’ll see you bright and early.” I wave to them both and walk out, holding one hand over my stomach protectively.
Thankfully, the place where I live isn't too far from the diner. And because the drive isn't long, I don’t have to worry about fuel running out too soon. As usual, I made my checklist the first day I came back here after my fight with Jace. I sat at the diner, filled in my application form and thought of everything else I needed to get sorted out. The rent was next, and once I met the landlord, Silver, I was positively sure I wouldn’t either be raped or the fee would increase for no good reason.
Jace taught me a lot of things through our breakup. I guess I would have to thank Devon too for the lessons I learned the hard way. One of the many is that if you aren’t stubborn and hardheaded about the things you really need, you’ll never get it. So I looked sternly at Silver and practiced my motherly look. A ‘you can’t mess with me’ glare, demanding that I pay no more than the initially discussed amount, and will tolerate no funny business. Silver agreed halfheartedly. It was only when he saw Jonah with me once in the diner that he fully backed out.
Jonah told me that if anyone made me uncomfortable, all I had to do was to call him and he'd get it sorted out. I thanked him, immediately thinking of Devon and if he ever finds me, that I’ll drag him by the ear to Jonah. But then I went home and wished that I had Jace instead to protect and defend me. I miss him every day. And every day that I miss him, I grow angrier and angrier at the way he treated me and this pregnancy. Didn’t he want a family? Was he just not ready? Why didn't he ever fight for me?
It’s easy to say I’ll move on from the greatest love of my life, but in reality, it takes months and months of struggle. The smallest things remind me of him and our moments together. Hell, I can’t even wear my blue hair tie anymore, I think back to how he wore it after taking my virginity, refusing to give it back.Asshat
Once I reach my apartment, I make sure to double lock the doors before toeing off my shoes. It’s dark and lonely always, but there are small things I’m adding to make it feel like home. Like the cute little lamp shade with yellow hearts that I thrifted, and the rug with a tiny hole in the corner—I think it has a story. Most important part is the nursery which I’m still working on. It’s my favorite room to be in. Some days, I even fall asleep on the rocking chair, humming a lullaby.
It’s funny to think of the days I used to design Beth’s and Jace’s child’s nursery. Now I’m designing my own, away from Jace, all by myself. If anyone had told me this then, I would have laughed.
With a deep exhale, I open the door and breathe in the scent of baby powder. With every little dollar that doesn't go to savings, I indulge myself and get something small for my baby. I don’t know the gender yet, and I’ve decided to throw a gender reveal party a few days before my due date. Tiff already called dibs on planning it.
For now, I’ve gotten blankets and cute little onesies that would suit a boy or a girl. I’m sticking to neutral colors like pastel green and yellow. I got blue airplane mobiles and pink soft toys. Some beige and cream wall art, and I’m working on my wooden bookshelves. I wish I had some of my own baby belongings, but those all burnt down with my childhood home. Doesn’t mean I can’t replicate them, though. It will just take time…
“We have time, don’t we?” I speak to my belly and pick up my laptop to do some research on toys. Sitting down on the chair, I rock myself gently. “Hmm let’s see. Animals or the moon and stars? What would you like better?” I pause, scrolling through my wish list. “How about both? I’ll get both for—.”
My phone starts to ring, cutting me off, and I go numb with fear. My mind immediately goes to Devon, even though there’s no way he could get my new number. I blocked all my contacts except for a few people before changing it. But what if he found me? What if he’s calling to threaten me? God, I can’t go back to him again. Taking a deep breath, I get up and walk towards my cell. The air whooshes out of me when I see Danika’s name on the screen.
Danika and I haven’t spoken since the whole fight with Jace. I saw her by the bar and she asked if I was alright. When I nodded, she turned her back to me and got back to work. I don’t blame her for standing by Jace. I would do it too if I were her, but she’s the only one who knew my secret when I was struggling to keep it. I thought—no. I shake my head. Never mind what I thought, the past is in the past.
