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“That Isla...that the baby…”
“Oh.” I shrugged. “That.” Loosening my grip, I reached for the coffee pot. The last thing I wanted to talk about was the whole fucked up situation with my ex. It wasn't even that her cheating on me had hurt me. It hadn’t done anything but dent my reputation. Especially since she had allowed the world to believe it as me who was the cheat. But letting me believe, even if it was for a few minutes, that her little boy might be mine was cruel beyond measure. Still, it was partly my fault. I had known the kid wasn't mine. I had known from the moment she had told me she was expecting. Seeing that little boy and wanting him to be mine were all on me.
“You say it so nonchalantly, Dion.” Lola was right in my face suddenly, her hands reaching up to settle on my shoulders. “Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I'm fine,” I lied. Lying was much easier than telling her the truth about how confused I was with the whole situation. “I've known from the start that the kid wasn't mine,” I added when she didn't move away.
“But you let the whole world think...”
I knew what she wanted to ask, and I had asked myself the same question a million times over the last few months. Why hadn’t I told the truth to the press? Why didn’t I clear my name and throw Isla under the bus? And honestly, I didn't even know the answer.
“Yeah, I did. I didn't want Isla to be crucified, and they would have done that to her. Whatever she's done, she didn't deserve that. She wouldn’t have been strong enough to deal with it.” Letting out a rattling breath, I moved away from her. As much as I loved her hands on me and the softness in her eyes, I couldn't say what I needed to say when I was close to her. Lola brought out a side of me I thought long buried.
A needy, softer side.
“But you are?”
Turning my back, I shrugged. It didn't really matter whether I had been strong enough or not. I had survived. “I always get through these things. Always.”
“You should have told me.”
I whirled on her. “I did tell you I wasn't with her, Lola,” I reminded her. How fickle her memories seemed to be. I had promised her, told her that me and Isla were no more and even after she had gotten naked with me, she had chosen to believe what she read in the papers. That was all on her, not me.
Hell, I'd asked her to marry me.
“But…”
“Would you have believed me?” Not waiting for her to reply, I shook my head. “I don't blame you for thinking the worst, Lola. almost everyone did, and you didn't know me.”
Lola’s arms encircled my waist, and her hot breath felt so good against my back as she let her forehead rest against my spine. Not just her breath, but her. The woman who had done so much more damage to my fragile heart than Isla. the woman I barely knew but wanted more than I had ever wanted anyone. “Was there anything I could have said that would have made you believe me?”
She stayed silent, and that silence spoke volumes.
“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...”
Turning in her arms, I enclosed her in mine, my hands coming to rest on the swell of her ass, and this time there was no bulky dressing gown to separate us. “I don't blame you, Lola. As long as you know the truth now.” Closing my eyes, I took a moment to just enjoy the feel of her in my arms. “As long as you are on my side now.”
“Do you want me on your side, Dion?”
“Yes.” I answered without hesitation. “We're friends, remember?” I winked, and the mood was instantly lighter. She giggled at me.
“Friends,” she repeated. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, her breasts brushed against my chest. And under her thin tee she was braless. Stifling back a moan, I tightened my grip on her.
“Friends.” One glance down told me she was having a hard time keeping herself in check as well. Her breasts were heaving, her nipples prominently displayed. “Or maybe…”
I let go of her, tuning my back on her. “Friends, Lola. That's all I can offer you right now until this has all blown over.”
Her face fell in slow motion and with it, my heart. “Ok, yeah I get it.”
“No, you don't, Lola. You can't keep picking me up to drop me again when things get too hard. You wanted to be friends and I think until this is all over, that's the best thing. I don't want you hurt, either. Not again.” Smiling softly, I watched as she chewed on her lip again. “I'm going to grab a coffee and then make a few calls. Erik will have a plan by now.”
“Ok.”
“Lola,” I called after her, but she ignored me, padding quietly out of the room with her coffee forgotten on the side.
She thought I was rejecting her. That I didn't want her when that couldn't have been further from the truth. I wanted her with everything I was. I just didn't want to fuck things up again. But it looked like I already had.
LOLA
