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“I was trying to make you jealous, and it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”
I pause. My heart stops. My anger flares. I turn around and shove him off me, baring my teeth as I climb to my feet. “You were trying to make me jealous? You did this on purpose to hurt me? How dare you,” I growl, shoving my finger in his chest when he stands. “You bring a date to rub it in my face, to make me upset.” Another jab. “You put your hands on her.” I jab him again. “You kiss her.” One more for good measure.
“Stop it!” Grabbing my hand, Avery tugs me into him. “I didn’t kiss her; she kissed me. And for the record, I pushed her off.”
I scoff and roll my eyes. “She can hardly be blamed for kissing you, since you, you know, asked her out! She obviously thought you liked her or wanted to get in her panties.”
“I already told you it was fucking stupid. I was angry with you and hurting because of what you said to me in your office yesterday. You told me there was nothing going on between us. You told me you wanted to see other people.”
And I regretted it the second the words were out of my mouth, but he doesn’t know that. “And you said you didn’t want to, and yet, there you were, thirty-six hours later, with your hand on some girl’s ass.”
“I fucked up, Claire. I did. I’m admitting it. It was so incredibly stupid of me, but I was at a loss. I didn’t know how to get you to come back to me. I didn’t know how to get you to admit you have feelings for me.” He grabs my face in his hands, his eyes scouring mine. “But I’ve never lied to you. Never. Honestly…you’re the one not being truthful. Not with me and not with yourself. I know there’s something between us, Claire. It’s…it’s…” He trails off, his head just barely shaking while his eyes move between mine, desperate. “It’s more than something, Claire. There’s magic between you and me. You can’t keep denying it.” He takes my hand and holds it to his heart. “Please, tell me you feel it.”
I feel the warmth of his skin against my palm and I press harder, my fingers curling over his collarbone on their own accord, feeling that steady thump beneath my touch. My heart stutters at the sensation, at the feel of his heartbeat, the vulnerability in his words.
“I…I…” I swallow thickly. Why can’t I just say the words? Why can’t I tell him how I feel? Why can’t I just admit that I was wrong, that there’s something here, that I want him? I squeeze my eyes shut when the tears start threatening again. His warm, smooth hands cup my face, thumbs sweeping underneath my eyes, catching my tears.
“Why is it so hard for you to admit?” His quiet question is a sincere plea.
“Because…because you might break my heart,” I blurt, choking on my words, gripping his biceps when I fold forward.
“No I’m not. I promise. I’m not him, Claire,” he insists, his tender voice as soothing as the palm he smooths over hair. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to leave you. If anybody, it’s going to be you who breaks my heart.” My eyes open to find Avery staring down at me, his brows knit together, face sheathed in pain as he brushes my hair off my face. “You kinda already have, several times over.”
I open my mouth to deny it. I would never hurt Avery…
Except the agony behind that deep gaze tells me he’s not lying.
“I know why you did it, Claire. I know you were just trying to protect yourself. You were already hurting, and you didn’t want to trust anyone. You tried to push me away. But you hurt me, and I think you hurt you, too. Am I right?”
I bring a trembling hand to my lips. I nod. It’s so minuscule, so tiny, but he sees it. His forehead relaxes just a touch at my admission, and I realize what a small amount of my truth means to him.
“I don't need a rebound,” I manage between hiccups, melting into his feather-light strokes down the side of my face.
“That's fantastic,” Avery starts softly, “because I don't want to be your rebound. I want to be your partner.”
“I’m scared,” I admit quietly.
“I’m fucking terrified.”
A tiny laugh bursts past my lips and the corner of his mouth curves up.
“Tell me what you’re feeling,” Avery whispers, pressing his lips to my temple, hugging me. “Please, just tell me everything. Help me understand, Claire.”
My stomach starts tumbling, cartwheeling, free-falling. I take a step back and start pacing, thinking, my mind racing. “It’s just that…it’s so soon, you know. I got out of this awful relationship. He cheated on me. I don’t…” I stop, shaking my head, swatting at new tears. Fuck, why won’t they stop? I drank a ton of alcohol last night; I should be way too dehydrated to cry today.
“I don’t feel good about myself. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’m worried if we…if me and you…I’m worried you’ll realize whatever he did.” I close my eyes to the brutal truth of my confession. “You’ll realize I’m not worth it. You’ll leave, and I’ll be broken all over again.”
“I won’t.” Avery steps toward me as I step away. “Claire, that guy’s an absolute idiot if he didn’t realize what he had when he had you.”
“Is he? Or did he realize exactly what he had and got the fuck out of Dodge in the most cowardly way?”
He makes a deep, rough sound as his eyes fall shut, like he needs to compose himself before he responds. “Don’t you dare talk about yourself like that. You’re everything, Claire. Everything.”
“You barely know me,” I argue weakly.
He chuckles softly. “On the contrary, Claire, I feel like I know you very well. I know that your family—Charlee and Dex included—is the most important thing in your life. I know you’d do anything for them. I know you’re competitive and sassy and sarcastic and you swear like a trucker. I don’t think you do it on purpose; I think the words just fly out of your mouth, and I think it’s because you get so caught up in the passion of each moment. I know you’re afraid to open your heart because you’re scared of getting hurt, but I also know that your heart is huge. I know that you’re strong as hell because you’ve survived a lot of shit over the years. You’re strong because even though you’re terrified that being cheated on is going to break you, you’re not going to let it happen. You’re not, Claire, do you hear me?”
Avery closes the distance between us, taking my hands in his. “I know that underneath your attitude, you’re a big softie. You love physical connection, even if you sometimes pretend you don’t.” His gaze falls to our hands, thumbs sweeping across my knuckles before he brushes a kiss across them. My lashes flutter as I savor the feel of his lips igniting my skin.
