AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Dr. Tam guessed that I’m about seven weeks along based on the date of my last period. I feel like a total asshole. When she said seven weeks, I argued that that would have been before I even took the antibiotics, at which point she explained that pregnancy is measured based on the first day of your period, not the day you conceive. I don’t know a thing about my own body and this whole thing feels like my fault for not being more aware.
So, seven weeks. It explains the pain in my stomach, the nausea I thought was due to my severe anxiety. It explains the exhaustion, the bloating, everything. And apparently, it’s only going to get worse.
Dr. Tam wants me to go for an ultrasound next week to confirm the due date.
Due date. Two words that shouldn’t be as absolutely gut-wrenchingly terrifying as they sound to me right now.
I sink back against the legs of the couch, cuddling Vivi to me while she sucks on her thumb, her attention leaving her doll as it settles on the movie on TV. She’s trying something new today—Moana—and she seems to like it.
She kicks her legs out when she giggles. “Dat a silly chicken! He keep hurtin’ his head!”
I watch Casey stalk off down the hallway, head buried in his phone as his fingers fly across the screen. “Where are you going?”
He doesn’t even bother lifting his head to look at me. “Got a call to make.”
Well, I’m not stupid. He’s either calling Charlee or Avery. Charlee already knows I’m here, though. I called her in tears on my walk over, after she spent most of the afternoon with me. Avery, well…I’m sure he disregarded my request for him not to follow me and went down to my apartment. Which is why I never went home.
Home. My apartment doesn’t even feel like home anymore. Home is with Avery. With Sully and Chester. Our little family, tucked together in bed. And yet I lost my damn mind when Avery suggested we make it official.
I don’t know what’s going on with me, other than the fact that I’m growing a baby with a man I’ve been with for just a few months who definitely didn’t sign up for a lifelong commitment with me, and my hormones are fucking whacked, clearly.
I mean, did I seriously suggest that he doesn’t really love me?
“Did you seriously tell Avery you think he doesn’t love you?” Casey snarls out, storming back into the living room and speaking my own thoughts. He slams his phone down on the island. “Are you okay? Like, actually, what’s going on in that head of yours?”
Okay, so I guess he called Avery.
Vivi’s face snaps up to mine, her big eyes turning watery as she feels my forehead. “You got a headache, Auntie Claire? Uncle A’wy luh you.”
“I told your boyfriend you’re here and you’re safe, because he about lost his damn mind when he went down to your apartment to find you missing, and you’re not answering his calls.”
“I turned my phone off,” I whisper, averting my gaze, because my brother is scary right now, and I can’t bear his disappointment. It’s worse than when my mom found out I got my belly button pierced at thirteen after she explicitly told me no fucking way. “You didn’t…tell him…did you?”
“No, because that’s not my place nor my job. I’m not his girlfriend; you are. Lack of communication ends relationships, Claire. Get your shit together.”
I glance down at Vivi, her wobbly lip, her round eyes bouncing back and forth between her dad and I. “I’m not having this conversation in front of your daughter.”
“Great. It’s bedtime anyway.” He moves to take her from me, but I jump to my feet with her in my arms.
“I’ll put her to bed.”
Casey sighs, cupping Vivi’s face. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“Buttafwy kisses?” she asks on a heartbreaking whimper.
The corner of his mouth lifts as he leans forward, brushing his nose across hers. He kisses both eyelids before he kisses her pout. “Sleep tight, my beautiful girl.”
“I luh you, Daddy.”
The sweet interaction tugs my heart in a thousand different directions. Casey’s such a good dad. What if I’m not a good mom? Avery would be an amazing dad. If he wants to be. But he’s already given up his bachelorhood for me. Would he want to give up more? He won’t recognize a single bit of his life anymore.
When Vivi’s all tucked in, she twists the knife in my heart a little deeper. “We call Uncle A’wy and say goodnight? I blow him a kiss.”
I blink back the tears, resisting the urge to bury my face in her pillow. “Not tonight, baby. It’s too late.”
Her sweet little face drops, laced with disappointment. “In da mornin’?”
I nod, because I can only say no to her so much, and really, how long am I going to last without talking to him? I crave his gravel of his voice as it moves against my neck, the warmth of his mouth on mine, the sweep of his touch, both gentle and rough. I crave him, and I know I can’t and won’t stay away. “Okay, sweetheart. In the morning.”
