AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Vivi wraps her arms around my neck, grunting as she squeezes me tight as she can. “I huggin’ all my luh into you, Auntie Claire. You feel it?”
I close my eyes, smoothing my hand down her braids. “I feel it, baby.”
When I make my way back out to the main room, Casey’s sitting at the kitchen island with his head in his hands, a beer and a juice box in front of him. I slip onto the stool beside him, and he slides the juice over to me. I’d rather the beer, but I can’t, for obvious reasons.
“I’m so disappointed in you, Claire,” he says after a moment of silence that hangs way too heavily in the air between us. Those words slice right through me, leaving me to bleed out on the ground.
“I know. I’m sorry. I should have known better. I should have been tracking, taking extra precautions. I should have known about the antibiot—”
“No,” he growls. He sighs, his eyes lifting to mine. “I’m not disappointed that you’re pregnant. I’m happy for you. You and Avery will make great parents. I’m disappointed in the way you’re handling this, running away from your problems, from your partner. You’re not being fair to him. This is something you have to deal with together. You can’t just walk away in the middle of an argument, slam the door, and not tell him where you’re going. You’re so much better than that, Claire. You and Avery have worked hard for this relationship.”
My hand flies to my stomach on its own accord. “But what if he doesn’t want this? What if he doesn’t want…us? Three months ago, he was going out to clubs every weekend, taking home different girls.”
“Things change, Claire. People change. He wanted to change, for you.”
My head moves back and forth, tears prickling my eyes. My nose starts tingling and I know I’m close to ugly-sobbing. “This is too much, too big of a change.”
“He likes the life you two have together,” Casey insists.
I know he does, sure. Why wouldn’t he? We’re out and about every weekend, doing something, drinking something, seeing people. I’ve never had sex more in my entire life. I mean, it’s constant. Our love is wild, untamable. Except that a baby will change all of that.
“We’re talking about a whole new life here, Case,” I argue weakly. “He might not be ready for that.” Hell, I’m not.
Casey jumps to his feet, face twisting in anger as he points a threatening finger in my direction. “You don’t get to make that decision for him, Claire! He does! You should know that better than anyone!”
His words hit me hard, like a punch to the gut, sucking all the air from my lungs. Casey almost didn’t have a choice. Vivi almost lost her life before it even started. I may not be ready to be a mom, but I’ll love this little thing growing inside of me more than anything. I already do. And I’m even considering that Avery might not want that, too?
It’s not my decision to make; I know that. It’s just…what if it’s the decision Avery makes anyway? What if he does want out? I love him too much to imagine a future without him.
Casey groans, rubbing at his eyes. “Please don’t cry, Claire. I can’t. I can’t handle the tears.”
“I’m scared, Casey! I’m terrified!” I’m a snotty, blubbering mess, falling apart right here in my brother’s kitchen. Casey yanks me into his chest, his arms a force field around me as I cry, soaking his shirt. “I’m not ready! I’m not ready to be a mom! We aren’t ready to be parents! I don’t want to lose him. Oh, God,” I choke out. “It would kill me. But I never wanted to trap him, to make him feel like he couldn’t leave.”
This isn’t supposed to be how it happens. We’re supposed to move in together, decide on forever, and then have kids. At the very least, kids should be a conscious decision made together, marriage or no marriage. Not, Hey, I know we’ve only been dating two months, but—surprise! I’m pregnant, and now you’ll be in my life forever!
Casey grips my shoulders, holding me at arm’s length. “You’re not trapping him, Claire. Not even close. It’s a surprise, yes. Trapping is what Angela did, going off the pill and not telling me, and I’ll tell you, as trapped as I felt at the time, I’ve never felt freer now. That little girl in there is the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me.” He points down the hall to where his daughter sleeps soundly, before taking my hands in his. “It doesn’t matter if you’re ready or not, because it’s happening. You need to get ready. Do you think I was ready?” He laughs bitterly. “I was nowhere near ready to be a dad, let alone a single one. Shit, I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing with Vivi ninety percent of the time.”
“But you’re an amazing dad!” I drag in a long sniffle, swiping at my cheeks. Those tears are on a warpath and they’re taking no prisoners.
His head bobs in agreement. “I am. Because I love her. Unconditionally. She’s mine, a part of me, the something good I finally did.” He takes my face in his hands, his green eyes searching mine. “That’s how I know you’ll be a great mom. Look at how much you already love that little thing growing inside of you. You want to protect your baby already. The problem is you’re protecting it from a fallout that hasn’t even happened. You’re just expecting the worst.”
“But what if he leaves, Casey?” I sob harder, louder, and he pulls me into him again. He smells like home, like comfort. “People always leave. Sometimes they choose it, and sometimes it’s chosen for them. I can’t…we can’t lose him.”
His answering sigh is soft and quiet. “But you are, Claire, and it’s nobody’s fault but your own. You’re pushing him away because you’re scared. You aren’t giving him the chance to be the partner you need in this. You can’t dictate the way he reacts or the way he handles this.”
Casey takes me by the hand, leading me over to the couch. “Is there a chance he might not feel ready? Absolutely. But maybe he’ll get ready. Maybe he’ll choose to get ready, like you are, right now. Maybe—and I think he will—he’ll surprise the hell out of you and choose to stay, without a shadow of a doubt, because he fucking loves you. Have some faith and give him a chance to do the right thing.”
Sniffling, I drag the heel of my palm over my nose, spreading something wet and slimy around.
Casey makes a face and hands me a Kleenex. “Ew.”
I manage a giggle and settle into his side as he wraps an arm around me. “Do you really think I’ll be a good mom?”
“Claire, I think you’ll be an amazing mom. You’re the best mom to Vivi, and she’s your niece.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Shit, look at all the mistakes we made with Viv, and she still turned out to be the best kid in the world. We kinda know what we’re doing now. We won’t make so many mistakes this time around.”.
Casey sighs, hugging me tight. “I love you, Claire. Avery loves you. I don’t want to see you give up on someone who makes you so unbelievably happy because you’re scared and stubborn.”
I sit up straight, glaring at him. “You wanna talk about stubborn? Charlee’s been watching makeup tutorials because she thinks it’ll get you to notice her.”
