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“Want to come to my place after the party?” he asks.
“I’d love to.”
I shove away the tinge of bitterness that I cannot have more with Camden. He’s everything I could ever want except that he wants to keep this a secret. I think back to Mitch, proclaiming to everyone at senior prom that he loved me, and I long for that type of commitment from Camden. It’s not only that I want it… I’m afraid I need it.
Frankly, it doesn’t feel good that he’s not fully invested in me when I’ve gone all in.
CHAPTER 25
Camden
Coen and Tilliebought a gorgeous house in Sewickley and we’re all here to celebrate it. This is a big deal for several reasons, the most obvious being that last season, Coen was a complete and utter asshole to everyone. Some leeway was granted because he was one of the Lucky Three, but honestly, he was so unlikable that sympathy didn’t go far.
But something happened to the man over the summer when he holed himself away in the tiny town of Coudersport after deciding to leave the sport. He came up against the bright and bubbly artist, Tillie Marshall, who didn’t take his shit. She refused to be cowed by his surly attitude. I don’t know the entire story or how things progressed, but suffice it to say, Coen fell madly in love.
At the start of this season, it was tough on the guy. Tillie had a home and business back in Coudersport, which is three and a half hours away from Pittsburgh. Since the season started, they’ve been managing a long-distance relationship, but Coen suffers when she’s gone. Everyone can see it. While he smiles these days, it’s only truly bright when Tillie’s in town.
I’m guessing it’s been as hard on Tillie as it’s been on Coen because she decided to move to Pittsburgh permanently and travel back to Coudersport as needed for her business. All I know is that Coen’s been on cloud nine the last few weeks since they closed on their house and moved in.
Coen and Tillie’s new place is only about a twenty-minute drive to the heart of Pittsburgh but it feels like a world removed from the city. Their seven-thousand-square-foot house is made of brick, stone and copper-covered dormers. It sits on five secluded acres and has an attached apartment that they’re converting into an art studio for Tillie.
The party is in full swing when I arrive and I have no clue if Danica is here. I only know I’m probably going to spend a good deal of time craning my neck for a glimpse of her. It fucking sucks having to play it cool with our relationship in public. I look at all the couples—my teammates like Stone, Coen and Drake—who have found love in the last year, and I envy their ability to have their women at their side. It’s not something I ever coveted before. I’ve been to plenty of parties and get-togethers, and I’ve always been happy hanging out with the single dudes. Tonight, I’m feeling a bit empty because I want to talk to Danica, laugh with Danica and touch Danica. I want everyone to know that I cherish her and that she’s mine.
After snagging a beer, I join a group led by Coen who gives a tour of the place and I’m eventually deposited back with the single guys. I end up joining Kirill and Boone, my usual posse, minus Hendrix who’s off in the corner talking with his girl, Stevie. Bain hasn’t arrived yet, but I’m sure he’ll hang out with us once he gets here. With half an ear on Kirill and Boone discussing which truck is better—Chevy or Ford—I keep surveying the house and the movement of guests, looking for Danica.
When I do locate her walking in the front door, I have to restrain myself from going to her. She immediately sees Jenna and with a smile on her face moves to her for a hug. Jenna takes her by the hand and leads her off toward the kitchen, which flows from the main living area where I’m standing.
Forces beyond my control are pulling at me so I follow behind, nodding at friends, teammates and their significant others. I tip my beer, trying to drain it completely so I have a good reason for being in the kitchen to get another. It’s not that I’m going to talk to her, but I want to be near her.
Danica is holding a wineglass and waiting while Tillie fills it. Her back is to me and it allows me to take in the rest of the scene—tons of people standing in pockets of two to five.
Coen appears and joins Tillie and Danica in conversation. Despite my better judgment to stay away for fear of revealing my true feelings to all, talking to Coen seems like safe territory and allows me to at least be near Danica. So I wind my way through, fortuitously able to grab a beer from a large metal bin filled with ice on the counter.
Coen and Tillie see me first, but Danica turns, following their attention.
Tillie beams at me. “Hi, Camden… I’m so glad you could come.”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” I step into Tillie and kiss her cheek. “Your new house is beautiful.”
Even though my heart is pounding like a steel drum, I give my regards to Danica. I want to say something charming but not so much that Coen and Tillie might suspect we’re more than friends. Maybe an inside joke we share, but even that would give away that we’re more than just acquaintances.
I’m sure Danica can sense my unease and her smile is uncertain. I can’t risk anyone knowing, and I’m afraid one word out of my mouth will be coated in the tender feelings I have for her.
So I merely lift my chin toward her. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she says, her smile sliding a bit.
Grabbing another beer from the bin, I jerk my thumb over my shoulder. “I only came in to grab beers for me and Bain. He’s waiting on me.”
“We’ll catch up in a bit,” Coen says, and Tillie nods effusively.
Danica, though… Christ… she looks hurt by my brush-off. I hate that, but she knows we can’t out ourselves. She’s going to have to trust that by playing it cooler than cool, it will be safer for both of us.
I turn away from what might be recrimination in her beautiful eyes and move through the kitchen. I head downstairs to the basement, which is Coen’s man cave. I’m now stuck with two beers since I have no clue if Bain is even here.
Spotting Coach West and his girlfriend, Ava, I decide to go say hello but then veer off as Brienne and Drake join them. Brienne knows about me and Danica, and I’m not in the mood for probing looks or the shuddering thought she might come right out and ask me about it.
I finally land at a table where Stone and Harlow are sitting with Foster, who brought a date. He introduces me, but I immediately forget her name as I’m too worried I’ve hurt Danica’s feelings. Should I go back up and talk to her? Can I do it and contain my feelings?
