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I decide it’s too risky and keep my ass planted in the chair. Eventually, I loosen up, but that’s probably due to the three beers. Danica remains upstairs and I start to feel better about the situation. She’s probably keeping away from me the way I am her. It’s all moot, anyway, since we’ll be together later when she comes to my house. We made plans to leave the party earlier rather than later so we could have time together. Next week is solidly packed with away games. We’re in New York on Sunday and Monday, Boston on Thursday and Carolina on Saturday. We’ll have some quick stops back in Pittsburgh in between, but it will be hectic, and I doubt we’ll get to see each other between practices, her work and of course, caring for Travis in the evenings.
But tonight we’ve got hours together and I intend to get my fill of her in all ways. I’ll make sure she knows how I feel about her then, in the privacy between us.
For the next hour, I engage in casual conversation with those at the table, but then Coen comes down the stairs. “Can I get everyone to come upstairs briefly for an announcement?”
I raise my eyebrows at Stone who shrugs his shoulders. We all dutifully make our way out of the basement and crowd into the massive living room that spills into the kitchen and dining area. Coen and Tillie stand together in the middle, his arm around her waist. He’s got a beer in his other hand.
“Tillie and I would like to thank you all for coming to our housewarming to celebrate this new journey we’re on. I’m personally most grateful for all the presents you brought.” There’s a wave of laughter and Tillie pokes a playful elbow into Coen’s ribs. He merely leans down and gives her a swift kiss, which then turns soft and tender before he pulls away. He stares at her for a long moment with so much emotion, the collar of my shirt feels tight. As if he has to tear his gaze from her, he looks around the crowd. “But we really didn’t invite everyone here today to look at our beautiful new house. I wanted everyone to come so they could look at my beautiful new wife. Tillie and I eloped last week.”
For a moment it’s so quiet you can hear a pin drop, and then all of a sudden there’s a roar of congratulations, wolf whistles and applause. The newly wedded couple share another kiss, this time him bending her backward as someone yells, “Get a room.”
Laughing, Coen lets his wife up and pulls her in for a one-armed hug, raising his beer with his free hand, as if he just won the biggest prize in the world.
Guests swarm the couple and they eventually get pulled apart and drawn into different conversations. Danica stands on the other side of the room from me, and I keep glancing at her as we talk to various people and wait our turn to offer congrats to Tillie and Coen. Every once in a blue moon, her eyes meet mine then quickly move on. I’m convinced she’s playing the same role I am… let’s ignore each other so we don’t tip anyone off.
Still, nothing about tonight sits right. It’s torture being in proximity to Danica, unable to talk to or touch her, even if it’s only to hold her hand. And deep down, I know that I’m the one pushing this secretive agenda. Danica would be fine with me walking over to her right now and kissing her the way Coen just kissed Tillie.
Coen eventually makes his way over to me, and I give him a bro hug. I have no clue where Tillie is, but Danica is at the kitchen island, chatting with Kiera whose presence I notice for the first time.
“Congratulations,” I tell him. “You know that the team had voted you as most likely to elope, right?”
Coen snorts. “Of course I knew that. Where do you think we got the idea?”
My eyes drift over to Danica once again and this time, she’s looking right at me. God, I could fucking stare at her all day.
“You two have become good friends,” Coen says.
Whiplash is almost a certainty as I look back at him. “What?”
Coen nods toward Danica and my eyes helplessly slide to her. She’s talking with Kiera again. “You and Danica. You’ve become good friends.”
I hate myself as soon as the words are out, denying the truth. “Not really. I mean… she’s great and we’ve had some in-depth talks about the crash, but nothing more than that.”
“Yeah… Tillie lost her parents in a car accident. It made it easier to talk to her about the plane disaster. You know… having something so awful in common.”
I nod. I know exactly what he means. Seeing how Danica stayed strong for her son and remade her life has been a significant catalyst for me, helping me move forward past my grief and guilt. I never addressed it the way I should have eleven months ago.
“They were a close couple,” Coen says in a low voice, and it’s because he’s still looking at Danica that I realize he’s talking about her and Mitch. “Together since they were kids. I admire her, but honestly… how do you get past something like that? I’m not sure I could get past it if I lost Tillie.”
If I thought I couldn’t feel worse tonight, I was wrong. Coen just unwittingly gave me a huge reason why I shouldn’t be with Danica.
Because maybe she’ll never feel the same for me that she did for Mitch. I shake my head, forcing that thought away. I’m past those doubts. Danica has assured me, and I have to trust her in a way that I can’t exactly trust myself, to take the next step.
Christ, I’m an asshole.
I’m a mess.
An assholish mess.
I want to tell Coen that yes, people can move on. I want to tell him that Danica has decided to move on.
With me.
But I don’t.
“Listen… I’ve got more rounds to make. I’ll catch up with you later.” Coen and I fist-bump and then he walks away.
I check my watch and see it’s still a half hour before Danica and I agreed to leave—separate from each other, of course. I’m to head out first and she’ll follow about fifteen minutes later.
