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“Screw you, dick! I was trying to do the right thing. She would be amazing at the job, and I don’t want her to regret not trying because of me and Penny and then resenting us later down the road.”
“Do you honestly feel like Chayse doesn’t know her own mind and would make a decision without thinking everything through. You basically shoved her towards the job. Did you maybe think about also mentioning that you would actually like her to stay and be with you and Penny?”
“No, I can’t do that to her. She shouldn’t have to put her dreams aside for us. And it’s too soon. We haven’t been together that long. It’s too big of an ask.”
“So, you just fucking lied to her instead? And before you start more shit, no, I don’t think it’s too soon. You two fucking click. You make sense and it’s so easy and natural. I can’t imagine finding someone and then pushing them away like you are.”
“I’d rather do it now than cause more damage down the road when she realizes we aren’t enough, and she leaves both of us. Penny is upset now, but she’ll recover. But if this happens in a year or two, she’ll wreck both of our worlds, and I will not put my baby girl in that position.”
“Well, it seems like you have it all figured out so there’s no point in me trying to argue. So, where does that leave you guys?”
“I have to end it. There’s always going to be a bigger and better offer out there for her and I can’t risk mine or Penny’s hearts when we’re not enough.”
“I think you’re fucking up big time, but I will be here for you both when you’re miserable. When are you going to do it?”
“She leaves for the interview on Sunday. I was going to see if you’d watch Penny Saturday night so I can talk to her without Penny being around.”
“Sure, I’ll watch the princess while you blow your world up.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Yep. But you’re making a mistake. I need a break from this. Where’s my favorite girl?”
“I think they are up in her room coloring.” Reid heads out that way without a glance back shaking his head in disgust at me. I know he’ll have my back even though he thinks I’m making a mistake, but he wasn’t there to see Penny’s heart break.
The next two days go by quicker than I thought they would. I’ve text with Chayse here and there, but we haven’t talked on the phone or seen each other in person since the ball fields. Thankfully, she has Saturday night off and agreed to do dinner. I ask if I can come to her place so that I can leave after we break up. I just can’t handle watching her walk out of my house and our lives for good.
Penny hasn’t mentioned about not seeing Chayse and I am so grateful for that. I really don’t want to lie to my daughter, but I’m also not ready to tell her that Chayse won’t be in our lives anymore.
I’m also hoping that we don’t lose Landon during the break up. He’s her best friend and he’s going to be so pissed at me, but I hope he can understand that I am doing what’s best for Penny and that he won’t hold that against me. I heard Penny calling him Uncle Lando the other day and it made me happy and my heart break at the same time. My girl needs all the people in her corner, and I never want to be the one to take one so important to her away. That’s why I know it’s right to protect and break things off with Chayse now.
At least I don’t have to make an excuse as to why she isn’t here on her birthday. Her part will be another issue, but I figured I’d just tell her that the hospital liked Chayse so much that they asked her to stay longer to help them. It’s shitty, but I don’t want to ruin her birthday. I figured I’ll just tell her after that Chayse won’t be coming around anymore.
When I get to Chayse’s, she’s sitting on the new front porch swing that I hung for her with a glass of wine and a book sitting beside her. She’s got bags under her eyes and looks about as exhausted as I feel.
She looks up and gives me a hesitant smile and my heart breaks a little more. Even exhausted, she’s fucking gorgeous. I can’t help but just stand at the top of the steps and stare at her. She raises an eyebrow before giving me a little smirk.
“Are you just going to stand there and stare, or are you going to come sit.” She pats the seat beside her as she moves the book out of the way.
“Sorry, can’t help it. You’re fucking gorgeous, Chayse. It just takes my breath away sometimes.”
“Right back at ya, Stud. Are you gonna come sit? Care if we order in tonight? I don’t have enough energy to cook, and I don’t have much here since I’m going to be gone next week…”
She trails off almost as if she doesn’t want to remind me that she will be leaving for a week, but possibly forever, if she decides to take this job. That’s probably as good as a segway for the conversation that’s going to destroy us both. I slowly walk over and sit down beside her. She pulls one leg up and tucks it under her as she turns to face me. I turn toward her and see the turmoil on her face.
“Just get it over with, Cash.” She barely whispers as she slowly closes her eyes and drops her head.
“I…” but I don’t know how to start.
“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you? I could feel you building your walls back up, but I was hoping you were just anxious that I was taking the interview. An interview, that I might remind you, that you pushed me to do.”
“Damn it, Chayse. Yes, I pushed you towards the interview because I know you want to advance in your career, and you would be fucking amazing in this position. Sorry, for wanting you to have everything you’ve ever wanted.”
“Don’t put this all on me. People grow and change, Cash. Yes, I’ve always been career oriented, but I am doing better at balancing my life and realizing what’s important to me. Priorities and goals can change, Cash. And up until the other day, I was looking forward to a different future. But that was before my boyfriend all but pushed me to take a job that would change everything that was starting to become essential for me.”
“And even if I do take this job, I’m not going to be working 24/7. I will have days off just like everyone else, and have the added perk that I am the one who gets to make the schedule. Which means, I’ll be able to work three consecutive 12 hour days if I wanted and then drive the three hours back here. But you didn’t think to talk to me about that or even consider dating somewhat long distance, did you?”
Chayse is angry by the time she’s done talking. She’s got a fire in her eyes and her chest rises and falls with each deep breath she takes. And she’s right, I didn’t even think about dating long distance or trying to make it work. I’m caught in my head which gives her more time to lay into me.
