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“Who don’t freak out when they find out their new child can see the future,” he quips, and I almost laugh.
“And then…” No. I can’t tell him that. He’ll never understand if I tell him the real reason I quit. “And then I met Charlie. The rest is history.”
Well, that and about four years of absolute chaos. This isn’t the time or the place to talk about it. A lump forms in my throat and I look away, trying to hide the tears threatening to spill over.
“Anyway, you’re the first person I’ve met who’s helped. I’ll never forget that,” I tell him quietly, trying to control my emotions.This is so stupid. Get it together, Mer.
“I don’t blame you for my suspension,” he replies quietly. “You needed the help. I’m glad I could get Charlie somewhere safe. Not that I’m looking to make a habit out of kidnapping kids from the hospital, but I’d do it again.”
I laugh, but it doesn’t ease the tension. He shouldn’t be punished for this. It isn’t fair.
“I can’t help feeling guilty,” I tell him, turning to look him in the eye. A heaviness lingers between us. “You’ve done so much for us. I don’t want to be the reason you lose your job or worse.”
He draws a deep breath and looks me square in the eye.
“Meredith,” he breathes. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”
Alarms go off in my head from the way he’s looking at me. He’s inches away from me, close enough that I could lean in and be flush with his chest. He could pull me against himself and hold me forever. It would be so easy to give in to the urge, to know what it feels like to have his arms around me.
My body and mind are at war. One thought comes at me through the haze of my emotions. Charlie and I will never truly be safe until I find a family for her. And then, what? Other kids will always need my help and I’ll have to protect them from…
No. I can’t do this. I can’t be distracted by this handsome doctor who’s willing to put his career on the line for me. It doesn’t matter if he looks at me with heavy-lidded eyes, staring at my lips. It doesn’t matter if I’m desperate for him to press his lips against mine. It’s been a long time since I’ve let myself get swept up in a silly romance. I won’t start now.
That doesn’t stop him from coming close. His hands move to my hips. His head tilts to the side. I have a choice to make. I can lean in and give him what he wants. Give in to what my stupid hormones want. Or, I can do what I need to do to protect myself. It pains me, but I back away and turn my head to the side.
“I’m sorry,” I say to the night air, unable to look at him. “It’s not you. I swear it’s not.”
He coughs and leans back, clearly embarrassed. It kills me that he feels that way. He must feel how much I want this, but that doesn’t change the fact I can’t give him what he wants. Not now, maybe not ever. It isn’t fair to pretend otherwise.
“No, it’s fine,” he answers, also speaking to the bayou rather than to me.
I glance over. His whole posture has changed. He’s stiff now, no longer relaxed and comfortable. He probably hates me. That isn’t my main concern, but it doesn’t hurt less. Then, it occurs to me that because of his wounded pride, he might leave me and Charlie to our own devices. He doesn’t strike me as the vengeful type, but I’ve been burned before. Shit, I should have kissed him.
If I kiss him, there’s a risk I will want more. I can’t have more. Falling for him is impossible. I don’t have that luxury anymore. I learned my lesson not to think with my heart. It didn’t turn out well the last time. The last time I fell for a handsome face and seemingly sweet guy, people got hurt.
Graveyard makes his excuses. I feel him jump off the railing. The sound of his steps lingers long after he’s gone. All I feel is empty. I try desperately to ignore the tears as they fall, but it’s no use. There’s no one to blame but myself. I promised myself I would never let a man use me again, and I can’t let Graveyard get in the way of my mission. I have to help these kids find safe homes. That’s all I’ll have for the rest of my life.
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
“Idon’t understand why you won’t set a date,” I yell at Knix. He sits in a chair in the corner, resigned.
He always does this when things get serious. I’m sick of it. I’m not being dramatic to move our relationship forward. He shouldn’t have proposed if he wouldn’t follow through with making plans.
“Baby,” he says in a low voice. “There’s too much going on right now.”
“When isn’t there?” I ask. “Look at the shitshow that is our lives. But that didn’t stop Pocus from getting married. Or Seer. Hell, even Hex got married before we did, and he knew Juliana for all of a month! We’ve been together for nearly a decade, Knix. I don’t think I’m asking for something completely unreasonable here.”
I pace in our bedroom, too keyed up from my anger. He’s being an idiot and he knows it, but he’s too prideful to admit it. I’m tempted to take my engagement ring off and chuck it at his head, but it didn’t do anything wrong. It looks way too good on my finger to be a weapon. Instead, I take off my shoe and aim it at his head.
He ducks immediately and stands up, putting his hands on my shoulder to calm me down. I don’t want to be calm. Pocus isn’t the only one in the family with temper tantrums. I’ve tried being nice. I’ve tried being patient. But it hasn’t made Knix get off his ass any faster.
“You’re going to lose me,” I tell him in a low voice. “You think I’ll stick around forever because I love you, but I deserve more. I deserve a goddamn commitment!”
I shake him off and pace again when a feeling of panic grips me. If I didn’t know better, I would think it has to do with our fight, but it’s not my panic. It’s my brother’s. Something is very wrong.
“Nesce, can we just—”
I put my hand up to stop him. “Shut up,” I tell him sharply.
