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"Fuck," I hiss out as I lean forward in the bed and grab my middle.
"Oh shit, I'm so so-" she starts but stops herself. "I'm not even sorry. What the fuck was that?" she inquires, her words striking me.
"Me waking you up?" I ask gingerly.
"No, not you waking me up. What was that? Crow told me about the tracker." I find myself eyeing Crow up. He lifts his hands in surrender as if to say what do you expect, dude? "You tried to kill yourself, you stupid fucking bastard! You're lucky you're in a hospital bed, or I'd bloody whack you again," she says as she scrunches her nose and brows together, appearing frustrated and annoyed, but I know she's not, or at least not as much as she probably wishes she was.
The tears fill her eyes within seconds before she rushes to me and falls in my arms. It takes an enormous amount of effort to shift my body and wrap my arms around her but like fuck am I doing anything besides comforting her in this moment.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, meaning the words but feeling nothing short of ecstatic - taking pleasure in having her so close. Her scent draws me in, makes me feel at home as I feel her soft body against mine. The pain it causes is practically numb, no pain being worth thinking about while having her here with me.
"Do you remember what I said? About forgiving you? Because I do. I really, really do," she quivers out, her sobs racking my chest both physically and mentally and fucking ripping me apart.
"I know. I'm sorry, I just.. need to do better," I tell her. I know I need to overcome some of the shit I've done and that's been done to me, but I also know that until I've done that, I'm not the man I need to be for her and since I can't imagine a time that I'll ever be able to leave her side, I guess being better is what has to be done.
She lifts her tear-stained face up to look at me, her soft eyes all-consuming and mighty in their stead.
"I don't want you to be anything other than you, Liam. We can work the rest out together. Crow's the least traumatised, well - we've probably traumatised him ourselves at this stage, but he can be the sane one, OK? Right, Crow?" she asks him with a ridiculous innocence covering her face as she looks over to him hopefully.
He rolls his eyes and laughs. "Yep, that's me. Protector of the traumatised," he says as he puts his hand over his heart and bows mockingly before saluting us both.
"See?" Charlie says, her face beaming.
I wouldn't ever admit it, but I dreamt of having someone that gave me everything as a kid. Before I knew how fucked the world was, I dreamt of having someone care for me and now that I have it, there's not a fucking chance in hell I'm letting it go.
"Yeah, yeah, I see," I tell her with a small smile.
"Oh, and one more thing," she says as she sits up on her chair nervously, her hands leaving my body.
"Don't pout," she orders me. I didn't realise I was, though considering she stopped touching me, I'm not surprised to find my automatic reaction is to act like a stroppy toddler.
"Anyway, so, I had to have a scan last night to make sure that everything was.. gone," she stutters, "and well, it's not. They think it must have been twins and that I lost one because there's still one healthy baby. I'm still pregnant."
My eyes shift between her nervous smile and Crow's cocky and laughable one as I take in what she's said.
Well, fuck.
The dream fades as quickly as it came, the black scenery in front of my eyes taking over again as the vision leaves my mind.
"I'll protect her, I promise you." It's Crow's voice. I can't see him, but I can hear him. His voice is thick with emotion.
I think about his words. I don't trust him with my life, but I trust him with hers. Above anyone else, I trust him.
This is it. I could feel my body failing, my mind short circuiting as sobs fell on my ears and soft hands touch the hands I can't move. I wish I could comfort her. I wish I could be for her what she needs but instead, my eyes won't open and my body won't move.
"Tell them we love them. We'll wait for you, OK? We'll-" The sobs start again, her voice breaking.
I'm so sorry, baby girl.
"We'll see you again. We'll come together again in another life when we're all better. I'll find you; I promise." Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. I need to find Charlie. I need to find our baby.
Charlie.
The beeping signalling my heart rate stops and turns into a continuous open ending ringing.
Charlie. NO.
Charlie
