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A pang of vicious homesickness filled me. My breasts leaked, and I plucked at my lilac jumper, doing my best not to end up with wet patches. Hearing Ayla automatically made my body ready to feed her, and it made me feel a thousand times worse.
God, what am I doing?
I left my daughter for this.
I let selfishness take me away from her when there’s nothing here but dashed hopes and death.
“I-I’m coming home.”
“No. Wait. Look, you’re there now. Why don’t you reach out to some of his family—”
“They’re all dead. Cem Kara made sure of that.”
“Shit.” Teddy’s tone went instantly serious. “Do you...you don’t think he knows you’re in Turkey, right?”
Ice dripped down my spine, followed by the awful knowledge that I didn’t care. I honestly didn’t care if he knew. He could kill me for all it mattered. I would miss my daughter, but...she wouldn’t miss me. She’d have Teddy and Eddie, and...perhaps that’s the best for everyone.
Stop it.
Don’t go there.
Not again.
You promised.
Death slinked through my mind, whispering like it had in those early days, taunting me with freedom from this everlasting pain. This never-ending guilt.
I shut it up, I blocked it out, but not before an evil little thought said...
Call him.
I froze.
An idea unfurled.
A terrible, awful idea.
“Teddy...I-I’ve got to go.”
“Go? Go where? Do you want me to book you something online? Where are you staying tonight? You need to call your parents so they at least know you’re alive.”
“I’ll call them after.”
“After what?”
“After I do something I should’ve done months ago.”
“But—”
“Look after my daughter. I owe you. I love you.”
“Neri—”
I hung up on him.
With shaking hands, I scrolled through my contacts and hovered over the number that’d called me at two in the morning a year ago. The number that’d been Aslan’s but was now his father’s.
Cem’s invitation squatted in the back of my mind, oozing with filth.
He said I could call him.
He said we were family.
My finger stabbed the button.
My phone started ringing.
Sitting heavily back on the bench, I focused inward on the strange kick in my heart that happened every now and again with the inherent belief that Aslan wasn’t gone. He couldn’t be because I still felt him. I still felt his soul knotted ever so tightly with mine, and I had to know.
The phone rang and rang.
It rang so long I feared he wouldn’t pick up, but then...
A soft click.
A masculine sniff.
“Well, well, if it isn’t my sweet daughter-in-law. This is a pleasant surprise. I hear you have your own daughter now, Nerida. I will admit, the temptation to visit my grandbaby has been strong.”
A full-body shudder worked through me. Abhorrent hate. Repellent loathing for this son killer, this life stealer, this monster.
“I think you’re lying,” I hissed.
“Lying?” He chuckled softly. “About what, kizim?”
“I think Aslan is still alive. I want to talk to him. Let me see him. I’m in Turkey and—”
“You’re in Turkey?” His accented drawl snapped into an aggressive bark. “That was sudden.”
“I’m in the street where you shot him. Come get me. Show me where you buried him. Prove to me that you’re telling the truth and—”
“I told you to stay where you belong, Nerida, and I would give you the same courtesy. Have I not stayed true to you? Have you been implicated for harbouring my son? Have you been questioned or detained?”
“You know we haven’t.”
“Then you’re welcome. I have no war with you or your family. But...you are not welcome here, and I don’t take kindly to people surprising me.”
“Give him back to me.”
“He’s a pile of ash.”
My heart ripped down the middle. “Liar.”
“I would give you his remains, kizim, but—”
“Stop calling me your daughter. I’m not. You’re not Aslan’s father. If you were, you would never have been able to hurt him.”
“Aslan Avci was not my son. Aslan Kara was. And he died when he was just a babe.”
“And you murdered those who tried to give him a better life.”
“A better life?” he snarled. “I was going to give him the world. He was my world. I only did what any parent would do.” His tone deepened. “Tell me, kizim, if someone stole Ayla, what would you do? Would you hunt for her? Would you search for her? Would you slaughter those keeping her from you? How far would you go to protect your own flesh and blood?”
Fury blazed through me. The urge for bloodshed at the very mention of someone hurting Ayla burned like lightning in my veins. “I would do whatever it took to keep her safe—”
“Ah, so you do understand. You admit that you see why I went after the Avcis? I’m not a bad person, Nerida. I was merely a heartbroken father, desperate to find his only son.”
“Don’t twist this. You didn’t have to kill them.”
“But I did. They stole more than just my boy from me; they stole my heir. They stole any chance at trust. I live a lonely existence. My generals obey me. My politicians bow to me. But I can’t trust any of them to rule in my stead. Aslan was my one chance at being happy. My one chance at retiring, knowing everything I’ve built was safe in his control. And the Avcis stole that from me.”
