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I watch as Bastian stands up, his right hand reaching over to my stomach, his fingers grazing the skin near my belly button as if he needed just a touch. Without saying another word he disappears into the bathroom and closes the door. Not long after, I hear the shower come on.
When I finally move, my heart is still beating wildly. With shaky limbs, I put my clothes back on and climb back into bed.
I pretend to be sleeping when Bastian eventually slips under the sheets beside me. But the adrenaline of what just transpired keeps me up for most of the night, while the widest grin I cannot seem to shake off adorns my face.
17
Iam alone in bed when I wake up. I am neither surprised nor does it hurt my feelings. Bastian, in all his mystery, is rather predictable in his actions. Then I am reminded of what happened last night—my body heats up immediately like a warm wave, flowing smoothly through my limbs and veins. I hum in pleased delight while stretching, the same silly smile I have had since falling asleep still plastered on my face. I notice a lingering throb between my legs, like an ache but not painful, just… hard to ignore. I squeeze my thighs together, experimenting, and pleasure shoots up my spine. Swallowing hard, my hand travels down my stomach, eager to feel more of whatever Bastian kindled last night.
I hear the creak of the front door opening and I shoot out of bed like it caught fire. Bastian appears in the doorframe, stopping mid-step, hand still holding the doorknob while he takes in my appearance and the bed I just sprung out of. I let out a forced laugh, readjusting my tank top, finding it especially hard to keep eye contact this morning with the man with the thousand-mile stare.
“Car’s ready,” he says flatly, his face conveying nothing, immediately disappearing outside, leaving the door ajar—most likely for one of his morning cigarettes.
“I will be ready in a second,” I respond loudly to the empty room, padding to the bathroom for a quick shower.
* * *
Poppingthe baby blue cowboy hat on my head and sliding my heavy backpack on my shoulder, I head out finding Bastian reading outside. The morning sun alights on his dark furrowed brows as he sits on the ground, his back leaning against the brick wall right beside our motel room door. His beauty is at times shocking now that I let myself take it all in, like a modern rendering of a painted angel forced to experience the menial and mundane.
“Alright then,” I say, making my way down the outside stairs. “Early worms get the bird.”
I hear a quick low chuckle from behind but do not bother turning around, I am too distracted by all the signals my body is giving me to wonder what he finds so amusing. When we get to the car, I stand in front of the driver’s side and spin around when I feel Bastian approaching.
“You can drive today,” I say as I head for the passenger door.
“Why?”
“No reason.” I try to keep my tone nonchalant, feeling anything but. I cannot tell him that the real reason I am opting out from driving is that I am not sure I could concentrate on the road ahead. Not when the close proximity to him is proving to be harder than expected.
When we have settled into our seats, Bastian hands me his phone, the screen opened to the maps app. Neither of us bother to say anything. I simply type in our next destination before handing it back to him.
* * *
“You broughtus to a hole in the ground?”
I huff my frustration out loud. TheholeBastian is referring to is actually a natural freshwater pool in New Mexico, more than eighty feet deep and equally as wide. “You’re boring, did you know that? Where’s your sense of adventure?”
Leaning on the side of the car, hands in his jeans pockets, his eyes lazily travel to where I am standing, slowly sweeping up my body. “If an adventure is what you’re looking for…” he drawls, pinning me with his dark stare.
It does not take an expert to understand his innuendo and like a match struck, my body flares in response. My first instinct is to want to touch him. To remember somehow through the language of both our skins meeting that I have not made this up, that last night was not just a dream that felt all too real. Then I remember Bastian’s arbitrary rules.
I clear my throat and distractedly scuff my shoe in the dirt before changing the subject.
“Anyway, there are some public bathrooms over there,” I say while pointing over my shoulder. “I’m going to change.” Then eye him suspiciously.
“Did you even bother packing a swimsuit?” I ask with slight derision.
He stays silent for a beat, his eyes still steadily on me, then lets out a long sigh before nodding.
“Shocking,” I say before turning my back to him. “I’ll meet you at the entrance.” I walk away, not bothering to wait for a response that will never come.
I find a stall to change. When my hand finds my black one-piece swimsuit tucked inside my bag, my nerves start to get the better of me as I fight a slight tremble. The thought of being around strangers, practically naked, has me questioning if this is even worth it.
It’s your choice what you wear Lucy.
Lenix has incessantly reminded me since last year.
It’s your body, no one else’s.Keep it covered, or don’t, as long as it’s what you want, you understand me?
