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“You don’t get it!” I hiss, maintaining a few feet between us. “I would kill for a family like yours.”
“You want to have people constantly in your private business? Asking you intrusive questions? Trying to pressure you into making decisions you aren’t ready to commit to yet?” He fires back, a hint of irritation on his lips.
“At least you know they care!” Another wave of tears skids down my cheeks. These aren’t sad tears, they’re angry tears. “I have no one except my two roommates and that irritating, greedy ass cat, Mr. Whiskers. And I know one of these days, they will have families of their own. Where does that leave me?” Theo stares at me silently, his eyes watering. “You have a family that loves you enough to be involved, even when you try to keep them at an arm’s length.”
Theo takes a step toward me, whispering, “Catalina.”
But I am not done.
“I lost both of my parents. Not one and then the other a few years later.” I shake my head, fists clenched. “No, I lost them both. Together. At the same time. In a car accident that took them and spared me for a life spent alone.”
He lowers his head and tucks his hands in his pockets.
“I was ten when I arrived at the first foster home. No one wanted to adopt a ten-year-old with emotional trauma. No one wanted to adopt a thirteen-year-old who spoke better Spanish than English. No one wanted to adopt a fifteen-year-old failing math and science. And still, surprise, no one wanted to adopt a seventeen-year-old on the way out of the system.”
I suck in a breath, wiping my nose. “I gave up the only thing I had left of my parents. I gave up my name.”I gave up my name.It broke my heart to admit aloud.
“The foster care parents were either too lazy or didn’t care enough to remember that my name is Catalina. Not Catrina. Not Catherine. Not Cathy. Catalina. Cate is easier, they said. I let them strip me and now I’m left hating myself because I gave up my identity for the convenience of people who never cared about me.”
Theo manages to meet my gaze, looking like a whipped boy. I’m sure I’ve made my point, but it wouldn’t be like me to stop while I am ahead.
“You’re upset your parents care why you’re still single, but they only ask so they know you won’t have to suffer and be alone. So you don’t spend your life alone like me. I would give my left arm to have what you take for granted, Theo.”
We stand in complete silence except for the crashing of the waves and laughter in the distance. The light breeze from the ocean whips our hair around and a couple perfectly placed pieces fall over his forehead.
He doesn’t look mad. He doesn’t seem irritated. Theo just stands there like a statue, his family celebrating behind him. And me, stripping him of any bit of joy he should be enjoying.
I move first. I take a few steps backwards before he realizes I am leaving.
“Where are you going?” Theo’s voice is strained, and it shatters my heart.
I could lie and tell him I am going to lay down in the room. But I am sick of lying. It has only brought me to the abyss of utter confusion, and I’ll soon taste of its emotional despair.
“Back to Seattle.” I motion my head to his family over his shoulder. “You can tell them things between us just didn’t work out whenever it suits you.”
“Catalina, please don’t go.” Theo’s green eyes are stormy gray now. And I know it is my doing.
“It’s better this way.” I try to convince myself just as much as I try to convince him.
“I won’t accept that this is the end for us.” He shakes his head, kicking some sand around with his foot.
“What did you think was going to happen?” I tilt my head, stifling more tears from rearing their ugly heads. “We agreed once our deal was fulfilled, that would be the end of our relationship.”
Theo stares so deeply into my soul that I feel he might claim it for himself. “Maybe we could try.”
I raise my hand to stop him from saying anything to make this harder for us. “This whole relationship was built on a lie, Theo.”
“Maybe to them it started as a lie, but I’ve never lied to you.” His hand is resting against his chest. His words prompting me, pleading with me, to run into his arms and forget this whole walking away thing. “Hell, Catalina, you know more about me than people I’ve known for years.”
Hell. Run to him. Kiss him. Wrap yourself in his warm body and give this relationship a shot, foolish girl.
But I’m scared.
Scared that this will only end in more heartbreak. Once his family knows we lied, they won’t be able to truly trust me. They will always remember me as the girl who crashed their son’s wedding weekend and betrayed them in the end.
And if by chance they didn’t react that way? If they were understanding and laughed about the whole situation. What’s to say Theo and I even work out? I would hope so because I am attached to his family. But if it didn’t, I would not only be mourning the loss of a relationship with Theo but reliving the pain of losing a family all over again.
And I am not strong enough to go through this again. Maybe it’s better for me to be alone. Maybe it’s better for me to stick to what I know.
