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While being lost in my thoughts, I don’t notice Theo close in on me and slip his fingers in between mine. My eyes shoot up and meet his.
Hope. I see hope in those beautiful eyes of his.
“Catalina, stay.” He brings my hand to his chest. “Don’t worry about Tess. I’ll talk to her.”
“It wouldn’t work, Theo.” I will have to be the voice of reason for us both.
“Why not? Why are you so scared to let me in?”
“I’m not scared!” I lie.
Damn. Another lie. What is wrong with me?
This man has opened himself up to me in so many ways and I am too chicken to tell him why I’m scared. Would he even understand if I told him?
I feel panic and dread crawling through my body, yanking on my heart, and internally, I am screaming, fighting, desperate to escape.
I retract my hand from his grasp.
“What about me?” Theo asks.
“What about you?” The words come out harsher than I intend, and by the grimace on his face, it stung.
“You’re so concerned about what my family thinks of you. What Tess may or may not know. Don’t you care what I think of you?”
Theo’s question catches me off guard. What does he think of me? If we had time this morning, or more time on the dance floor, to talk aboutusthen maybe it would matter greatly what he thinks of me. But now, it’s just a hinderance. If I know his true feelings, it might convince me to stay, and I know now I can’t.
“Does it matter?” I tear my eyes from his, searching the sand between my toes as if it has all the answers I am searching for. “We both knew this was going to end when we started.”
Theo lifts my chin up toward him. “What if I don’t want this to end?”
I suck in a breath. My knees nearly collapse from under me.
“Catalina,” Theo whispers, “I don’t want you to go.”
Kiss him, stupid girl!
Tell him you want him!
Tell him you need him!
Tell him you love him.
Love him? Hell.
I haven’t dared to think those words before and now, when I need my tongue to blab incessantly as it’s known to do, revealing everything I wish to hide, it betrays me by remaining completely silent.
I look into his green eyes one more time, knowing the hope he carries, I am going to shatter into a million pieces. And I will hate myself forever. I am a coward. And as all cowards, I will die a lonely death.
I reach my hands up to his fingers and pull them away from me. “It’s better this way, Theo.”
I walk away and this time, he doesn’t stop me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I don’t see Theo again before I pack my bags and take the next flight back to Seattle. After six hours in the air, and forty more minutes getting back to my apartment, I am finally at my front door, broken and exhausted.
I can hear Ma and Pa on the other side of the door bickering about what to watch on Netflix. Eve wants to watch a new serial killer documentary and Tommy is fighting tooth and nail to watchDie Hardfor the eighty-sixth time because, “It’s absolutely a Christmas movie.”
