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My hand flies to my stomach. It is doing somersaults like an Olympic gymnast. Going for gold tonight, that’s for sure.
“If you throw up in my car, Cate,” Tess shoots me a stern glance, “that will be detrimental to our friendship.”
“What am I supposed to say to him?” I can feel my heart joining the symphony of anxiety ridden organs. “Do I just walk inside an empty restaurant until I find him and then… what? What am I doing? Tess! What if he tells me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?”
Full-blown panic mode. I am a wreck and a half. When we left my apartment, I was fired up. I was ready to kick those restaurant doors in like theKarate Kidand march up to Theo, wrap my arms around him and kiss him into submission. Now, I will be lucky if I get myself out of Tess’s car.
Hellfire and broomsticks. Hell to the tenth power. No, hell to the umpteenth power! What. Am. I. Doing?
Tess’s voice cuts through my destructive and anxiety inducing thoughts. “You will do three things. One, you will walk inside. Two, you will find Theo. Three, you will tell him you’re sorry for running and that you love him. You got it?”
Her eyes are like lasers on me, unrelenting, serious, and inspiring. I nod my head and then panic when I notice she is focused on me and not the road. I whip my head forward and see we are parked. I turn to my right and see a wall of glass windows reaching two stories high. It is a very contemporary building, but I can see there’s dark wooden tables and marble countertops inside. It reminds me of Theo’s loft. Modern, rustic, comfortable. Those are the three words I would use to describe his place so I shouldn’t be surprised it translates to his restaurants.
“You ready?” Tess asks, reclining in her seat.
“Are you coming in?” My eyes are still glued to the restaurant and at no point do I look back at her.
“This is something you have to do on your own, Cate.” I hear the doors unlock; she must have clicked one of the fancy buttons in her red leather seat sportscar. “I’ll be out here if you need me.”
I bob my head. My hand trembles as I reach for the door handle and there is no way I can swallow my fears because my mouth is as dry as the Mojave Desert. I take one more deep breath before swinging the car door open and hoisting myself up and out.
It is lightly snowing so I wrap my olive-green trench coat tighter around me and flip the collar up. I pull my knit hat further down over my head and thank God that at least I put effort into my hair and make-up earlier so I look the best I can.
I stand outside the enormous glass doors and glance up to read the restaurant’s name.Bennett’s. Simple. To the point. And that is what I need to be tonight.
Please, I beg my tongue,work with me here.
I slip my fingers around the ice-cold door handle and tug, ready to face my fate. But nothing happens. I pull harder but the door doesn’t budge. I try the other door and realize it is locked. I whip around to eye Tess and lift my arms as if to say,what do I do now?
She makes a knocking motion and I roll my eyes and want to stamp my feet but think it better not to seem like a complete adolescent. I about face and knock against the door, rattling the glass. I don’t see anyone inside and there’s minimal lighting. Maybe Theo isn’t even here. I knock a few more times, louder. My breath is clouding around me like a smoker’s cigarettes, and I am fogging up the glass. I wipe it and see Theo rounding the corner from the open kitchen into the dining room.
My heart stops beating. I swear it does. That or I am having an out of body experience and have lost the ability to feel anything.
Theo stops dead in his tracks. He recognizes who the crazy bundled lady is standing outside his not-even-open-yet restaurant at nearly midnight.
Even at this distance, our eyes meet. I say a prayer under my breath. All I can do is wait and hope he is willing to unlock the door and let me in.
I raise my hand to my mouth and start chewing on it like it is a Cheeto. I wish I had thought to wear gloves tonight. It is freezing and I’m covered in snowflakes.
Something jars Theo from his stunned stupor, and he heads straight for me. His eyes don’t leave mine for a second. Theo finally makes it to the glass door and unlocks it, pushing it open.
“I know it’s late but,” I take a deep breath.I am here. I am doing this. I can do this.
“But?” Theo whispers, those green eyes of his warming my soul and giving me strength to tell him the truth.
“Leaving you in Hawaii was the biggest mistake of my life. I was scared. So scared. Scared of your family finding out I wasn’t really your girlfriend and hating me. Scared of my feelings for you. Scared that if I told you how I felt that you wouldn’t feel the same way. Scared that if I told you how I felt and you did feel the same way and we became a real couple that if we broke up, I wouldn’t just lose you, but I’d lose your family as well, and I didn’t think I could go through it again. I should have told you all of this in Hawaii, but I chickened out and ran instead because I thought it would be easier. But being without you for the last week has sucked. Like, really sucked. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for saying it would be better this way because it’s not. You’re my lobster, Theo, and I should have fought for you, for us.”
I blurt everything out in almost one breath, so I don’t hesitate and leave things out that are uncomfortable for me to admit.
Theo is still standing in the doorway. I didn’t give him a chance to even offer for me to come inside to talk. My tongue decided out here in the blistering cold would be the best place to confess my love.
Oh, Hellfire!I haven’t even told him the main thing I came here to tell him.
“Theo, I’m in love with you.” My voice cracks and I am not sure if it’s because my throat is raw from the winter breeze or because I’ve finally admitted aloud how I really feel.
Snow whips around us and some of his hair is displaced, falling over his forehead. He still hasn’t said anything.
Maybe he froze? He is basically standing outside with nothing more than a long sleeve shirt and jeans. This is going swell.
