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We hadn’t held a memorial for my mama. Or a funeral. Or anything that would make us officially say she was gone forever. Through the years of uncertainty, our hope that she’d one day return had anchored her to us and us to her.
But now I realized that I’d been holding on to the hope more tightly than my father had been.
My voice cracked as I said to Donovan, “I couldn’t marry you because I couldn’t move away from Driftwood. I had to be here in case my mama came back.”
But she wasn’t coming home.
She was gone. Lost forever to the sea.
A tear rolled out of the corner of my eye, and I thumbed it away.
“I know, Maggie. I’ve always known.”
I gazed into his eyes. “You have, haven’t you?”
“It didn’t stop me from trying to get you to leave, though.”
He looked out over the railing, watched the manta rays. I wondered if he was thinking about his dream of rescuing my mama.
“And I couldn’t even fight you about it,” he said, “because you made us all, everyone in town, hope that miracleswerepossible. None of us, especially not me, wanted to break your heart all over again.”
A tear dripped off my face. “I don’t know how you’re even here now, after I brokeyourheart. I’m so sorry for all the years we lost that we could’ve had together. And I’m sorry that Noah missed out on you being his dad, because you’d have been a great dad. And I’m so very sorry I never even stopped to think about what you wanted out of life, what you needed, when I begged you to stay here with me.”
He faced me, those ocean eyes filled with emotion. “I’ll tellyou why I’m here. Because I finally realized what I wanted out of life, what I needed wasyou. I tried to forget you, tried to move on. Then I’d visit home and fall for you all over again. Each time, I had to force myself to leave. Last time I was home—it was right around Christmas, remember?”
I nodded. We’d gone out of our way to avoid meeting under the mistletoe at his brother’s Christmas party.
“When I saw you there in the glow of the lights, laughing at something Noah had said, I almost couldn’t breathe, I was so full of regret. It hit me like a sucker punch that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. For the last twenty years I had tried to convince myself that I loved my job more than you. It wasn’t true. I shouldn’t have been so stubborn. I could’ve found another career.”
“No—I shouldn’t have made you choose. Look at what you’ve done with your job. The countless people you saved. That’s not a mistake. That could never be a mistake. My mama would besoproud of you. I know it.I’mso proud of you.”
Moisture glistened on his eyelashes. “I hurt myself by choosing that life, instead of staying and compromising. But at Christmas, I realized it wasn’t too late to change, to make other choices. That’s when I decided to come back and win you over with my charm and wit.” He batted his eyelashes and looked ridiculous doing it. “Is it working?”
I smiled through my tears. “It’s not like it was a challenge. I loved you twenty years ago. I love you now. I never stopped.”
He pulled me into his arms, held me close. “Maggie Brightwell, I’ve loved you since before I even knew what love truly was.”
I sniffled and buried my face in his chest. “What now?” I asked.
“I vote we start making up for lost time as soon as possible.”
I smiled into his shirt and nodded. “It’s unanimous, then.”
He held on for a bit longer before saying, “Now that we have that settled… What’re your thoughts on your dad and Carmella? I was stunned when I heard.”
Heartbrokenwas the word that came immediately to mind, and I tried to pinpoint the specific reason why.
“It feels like fresh grief. Like I just lost my mama all over again. Because I never truly allowed myself to believe she was gone forever, now I’m facing the cold, hard truth. And it hurts.”
His voice was soft, gentle as he said, “It’s common among people who’ve lost loved ones to the sea. It’s called ambiguous loss. There’s no physical closure. Emotionally, it’s hard to accept what we can’t see. The typical stages of grief don’t apply.”
I could tell he’d had this conversation with others before, and my heart hurt thinking of the tragedies he’d seen. “I can see now that over the last couple of months, my dad has been trying to ease me into facing reality, because he knew I was holding on to the past. Holding on to my mama. I have to let go of the hope, because she’s not coming back.She’s not coming back.”
I had to face the truth, face my fears, find a way to deal with my grief. It was the only way I could truly move on, to live my own life, and stop trying to livehers.
His eyes were damp as he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “I’m so sorry.”
I released a shuddery breath. “I want my dad to be happy. I want Carmella to be happy. I love them both. I’m feeling embarrassed that he’s been treating me with kid gloves about the whole thing, but I know why he did. I understand. I truly do. I wasn’t ready.”
