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“I’m okay.” Since I’d been sitting here watching the manta rays, my head had barely ached. My heart, however, was another matter. “I didn’t mean to worry anyone. I just needed…”
“Your mama. I know. You always used to come out here to talk to her when your emotions were running high, happy or sad.”
He knew me well. Better than I thought.
“Ava actually found you first, before I did.” He motioned with his chin toward the beach.
Ava, Sam, and Norman sat in the sand. Ava kept wiping her eyes, like she was crying, and my heart broke that I’d scared her.
“Your dad’s probably on his way,” Donovan said.
It was obvious by Donovan’s protective tone that he knew why I’d come here. Ava had probably filled him in.
Leaning forward over the safety board, I looked downward. The manta rays glided effortlessly through the water, almost like they were performing some kind of dance.
I felt Donovan’s hand on my lower back, rubbing in gentle circles. The touch almost did me in.
“Aren’t they beautiful?” I asked.
He leaned forward. “Absolutely. It’s no wonder some people think they represent peace and tranquility.”
I rested my chin on my arms, which were folded on the railing. “I can certainly use some of that right now.”
“Some people also call them devil fish.”
I faced him. “You’re making that up.”
He laughed. “I’m not. It’s only because of their shape.” He pointed downward. “See how the lobes alongside their mouths look like horns?”
“That’s just not right. I’ll never call you that,” I said to the rays below us. “You’re too lovely.” We sat in silence for a minute or two before I said, “I should’ve known. About my dad and Carmella.”
“How?”
“In hindsight, Dad voluntarily exercising was a big tip-off. If he were dying, he’d probably be eating his weight in MoonPies, not jogging off the pounds.”
Donovan smiled. “Men do like to look good for their ladies. Take me, for example. I shaved today because I planned to see you.”
I glanced at him, unsure what to say to that.
“I went by your house earlier,” he said. “I wanted to apologize.”
“You don’t owe me—”
“But I do. I’m sorry I upset you. I stuck my big nose where it didn’t belong.”
“It’s not a big nose. It’s perfect. I shouldn’t have been so testy. I’ve been”—I smiled—“a little overwhelmed by all the things going on in my life.”
He had the good manners not to sayI know.
I swung my legs. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about those things since I’ve been sitting here. Mostly about my father and why he didn’t just tell me he was dating.”
It might be time for me to let go.
My father’s words floated into my head. I realized now he hadn’t been talking about the coffee shop at all.
He’d meant it was time to let go of the hope that one day Mama would simply show up as if she hadn’t been gone at all. That she’d return to the life she’d left as if nothing had ever happened. That she’d resume her place in our lives—as Dez’s wife, Maggie’s mama—and reclaim her rightful place at the coffee shop.
“After my mama disappeared, my dad and I used to come down to the beach every day. We’d walk. Long walks. Miles. Just looking. Hoping for a miracle. Praying for one. Time passed and we didn’t walk so far. Then we’d walk only a few times a week. More time passed and we’d just sit on the beach and watch the water. Right here is where we feel closest to her.”
