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twenty-four
JESSA
Despite Alessandro’s attempts at conversation, it’s a quiet, awkward ride home. I stare down at our intertwined hands, my mind spinning out of control. I’m not entirely convinced this won’t be the last time I get to touch him this way, and anxious nausea keeps me firmly in its grip.
I am so screwed.
By the time we pull into his driveway, I still don’t know what I’m going to say or how I’m going to break it to him, but I know I need to leave.
I need to clear my head, which is currently swimming with difficult decisions, an infinite amount of dread, and a whisper of regret. It’s not that I regret spending the day with him–quite the opposite. I regret having to keep everything from him.
I know I could tell him.
In fact, most of me wants to.
Still, I can’t fight past the potential disappointment of letting him down. The opposite is equally, if not more, terrifying. What if I tell him, and he wants tobond with me?
I shudder at the thought of being bound to another alpha, and my chest clenches hard. I can’t make the same mistake twice.Regardless of how incredible Alessandro seems so far…
“Are you coming in?” he asks as I linger by the hood of his car, eyeing the front door reluctantly.
It’s mid-afternoon, the sun falling slowly toward the horizon at my back and adding to the uncomfortable heat crawling its way under my skin.
If I step inside, I know I won’t be able to leave.
I already don’t want to go, but the second I’m inside, I know I won’t want to speak my mind. I’ll slip right back into the comfort of his house, and more than likely, I’ll fall back into bed with him.
With my scent blocker already on the fritz, I definitely can’t risk that.
No, leaving is the best option if I want to clear my head. I need space to think, to consider where to go from here.
It was just supposed to be one night.How the fuck did things get so complicated?
“Actually,” I start. My throat feels like it's stuffed with cotton balls, and I cough in an attempt to clear it. It doesn’t help.
I begin to panic, my heavy heartbeat resounding in my ears and making me sweat.
I could lie. I could make up some half-baked excuse as to why I need to go, but I don’t want to lie to him, not more than I already have. I don’t know if I can live with more deception.
“I think I’m going to go…” My voice trails off and heat prickles my cheeks.
Disappointment flashes across Alessandro’s face, and he stops short a few feet from me. Energy buzzes between us, drawing me toward him, but I fight it. Leaving is what I need, not falling into his arms and letting him beg me to stay. That won’t serve either of us.
“Oh,” he says, then falls silent.
Awkward nervousness bubbles through me, accompanied by a sickening twist of emotions, and I’m barely keeping myself together. Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve managed this far.
I spent an incredible night with this man, and an equally amazing day, just to turn around and leave. It feels wrong in more ways than one.
I don’t like the awkwardness that makes my skin crawl as his gaze studies every inch of me, and I wish I could shake it off.
What the hell am I doing? Everything was going so well, so picture perfect that I couldn’t have dreamt up a better reality, and here I am, fucking it up.
Is there anything I won’t break?
I broke my pack’s bond, shattered my old life, and now Alessandro’s heart is breaking right in front of my eyes.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
