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I huff a laugh.
I might be able to convince everyone else, but I doubt I’ll be able to convince myself to get over her. She’s done something to me, warmed something in my old, cold, alpha heart that’s been dead for a long time, imprinted herself on my soul in a way I didn’t think was possible.
Jessa Morrow was the last thing I saw coming when she took a seat across from me at the bar, and now, she’s the only thing I see.
I want her as mine, there’s no denying that, and now, the only question is if she wants me back.
twenty-five
JESSA
Forcing myself to sleep in my car after staying at Alessandro’s is difficult, and I scold myself as I turn over for the fifteenth time, wondering why I thought this was a good idea.
Space.
I wanted space, and now I have none as I try to sleep in a parking lot beneath a dim streetlamp.
The fucking irony.
I showered at the truck stop, taking my precious time as I soaked in the water with my eyes closed. The entire time, I imagined I was back in Alessandro’s spare bedroom. I thought about his shower with its exquisite water pressure and variety of soaps, not the dingy one I stood in with boring gray tiles and a paper-thin shower curtain.
After driving around for a while, I gave up and parked, scrolling on my phone and watching videos until it started to get dark.
Despite being bored out of my fucking mind, I’m not the slightest bit tired. My thoughts are still reeling with images of my old pack, being with Alessandro last night, and today’s date.
What the fuck am I doing?
It’s possible I’m making the biggest mistake of my life by walking away from him, but I have to give myself the space to figure it out. Otherwise, I’ll go crazy. Not that I’m having much luck figuring things out right now…
I force my eyes closed, imagining Alessandro’s striking features and his dark, piercing gaze. I wonder if he wishes I was back at his house, or if he’s already moved on to something else.
“Christ, Jessa,” I grit out. Pining over the alpha isn’t going to help me solve my problems or figure anything out.
After some more tossing and turning, I finally manage to fall asleep, waking up several times throughout the night to stretch an arm or reposition myself into a slightly more comfortable but not-nearly-comfortable-enough position.
I stress the entirety of the next morning, wondering what it’ll be like when I get to work. I haven’t spoken to Alessandro yet, despite the countless times I’ve imagined the conversation, and I’m not sure I’m ready to.
What the hell will I say?
Sorry for running away yesterday. I just don’t want to fall in love with you because I’m afraid you’ll turn out to be a giant asswipe like my exes.
No. Fuck no. I can’t tell him that.
I’d sound like a crazy, lovesick schoolgirl, and he’s too mature for that. He’ll probably expect something more eloquent, more thought out, more…
I groan irritably as I step into the coffee shop for breakfast and fall in line at the cash register. After ordering a donut and a frozen coffee, I sit at one of the tiny tables outside to eat.
Then, it’s a heart-palpitating countdown until three thirty, when I have to make my way over to Sal’s.
With a deep breath, I step into the restaurant, and I’m immediately smacked in the face with the smell of warm, rich bourbon and the swirling smokiness of charred wood. I breathe in heavily, drinking it in before I even look to the bar, where Alessandro is working on restocking beer.
My heart stutters upon seeing him, noting his freshly-trimmed hair and beard. He’s dressed in all black, and he looks fucking incredible, drowning out the bodies scattered throughout the dining room. For a brief moment, he’s all I see, and heat throbs to life between my legs.
I immediately stamp down the thoughts.
No. I can’t imagine fucking him all night, as much as I want to. Sticking to mental and emotional distance is going to be the key for me to survive my shift tonight, and I’ll just have to keep reminding myself when my eyes dance their way over to the bar.
Thankfully, but also a little regrettably, Alessandro doesn’t look up as I clock in and tie my apron around my waist.
