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I’m terrified of feeling something I won’t be able to take back, terrified that history will repeat itself, that I’ll give myself to an alpha who will just hurt me in the end.
Why does Alessandro have to make it so easy to fall for him? It’s a slippery slope, and I’m worried I’m already on the downhill slide…
Just another reason why I need space.
I need to reign in these emotions, get them under control before I’m head over heels for a man I shouldn’t be with, an alphaI don’t belong to.
If I’m lucky, space will be enough to undo the ties binding me to him, and all these incredible moments will just be memories I look back on while I’m saving up enough money to start over somewhere far away.
Far away from the Sorenson pack.
And far away from Alessandro.
Alessandro
I’m gutted when Jessa chooses to leave, but I keep the disappointment off my face as much as possible. I’m sure I don’t do a good enough job at it.
My gut reaction is to plead with her, to convince her of all the reasons she should stay, but that’s exactly why I say nothing as she climbs into her car and leaves. I don’t want someone I have to beg for attention from.
I don’t want to have to coax or plead with someone, especially a beta, to stay with me, and I don’t expect her to settle if she doesn’t see this going anywhere. I gave it a shot, I tried, and it clearly wasn’t good enough.
I knew better than to get attached, but I clearly decided to ignore the warning bells and my better judgment. This was supposed to be a wild, unbridled night for us to fuck out our sexual frustrations, not a relationship. I should be glad she isn’t lingering like any other beta would do, clinging to me until I’m suffocating.
I’ve seen enough betas like that to last me a lifetime–they flock to the restaurant every day, but I ignore them all the same.
Jessa isn’t like that, and I think that’s what bothers me so much. I love how different she is, how she doesn’t see me the same way everyone else does. I wouldn’t mind it if she looked at me like that for the rest of forever…
I shake my head, cutting off the thought. I’m grateful for every second she spent with me today, and while I’m a little hurt she decided it wasn’t what she wanted, it’s nothing time won’t fix. Time and whiskey.
Maybe lots of whiskey.
We’re probably just too different to make this work after all, even if we decided to try. Even though I’d change everything about myself for her to give me a chance, even then, it still might not be enough. Perhaps our age difference was really what did it. That’s what I get for shooting for someone so much younger than I am.
Running my fingers through my hair, I head back to nurse my sore feelings in a glass of something chilled and dark, wondering how things at work are going to play out now that we’ve crossed lines that should have stayed in place.
Maybe we’ll go on like nothing ever happened? Or maybe things will be so fucking awkward I’m forced to take nights off for a while?
I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but I’m sure my friend Jack Daniels will have a good idea. I pour myself a glass and crash into the recliner in the living room, thoughts dancing with images of Jessa.
She said she had to leave, but she didn’t sound entirely convinced of the reason.
Could it be that she didn’t really want to go, but something or someone was making her leave?
Could she be meeting someone else after this?
Not that I would judge her for it, but I can’t deny the twang of jealousy in my chest at the thought of someone else holding her. Of someone else kissing her, knotting her…
“Fuck,” I grumble.
I don’t know what I could have done differently to get her to stay. Maybe the date was a bad idea. Maybe we should have stayed here and fucked all day–maybe that wouldn’t have scared her off.
I groan, my irritation at myself growing.
It’s been a long time, too long, since I’ve been this caught up in a woman. I’m all out of sorts, confused on which way is the right way forward, hanging on to her words like I need them to breathe.
Maybe she’ll change her mind. Perhaps distance will give her the clarity she needs to realize I’m the best option for her. I can take care of her, treat her better than any other alpha could. I can give her anything and everything she’ll ever need.I can keep her safe.
Seeing as I have no interest in finding anyone else, I’ll be here waiting. Waiting for her response one way or another. Either she’ll choose me, and we can see where things go between us, or she’ll move on, and I’ll get over it eventually.Probably.
