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“I don’t think there’s anything you can say that will ease my mind, no matter how you interpret the word doubting. It means what it means.”
“I’m not saying Jesus was happy with Peter’s doubt. He was obviously disappointed. But did you notice that in James it says don’t expect anything from God if you doubt?”
“That’s why I can’t ask him anymore. That is precisely what I’m saying.”
“But if it’s the same word, why did Jesus save Peter as soon as he cried out for help despite his doubting?”
Sydney sighed. “Okay, I’ll bite. What is James saying?”
“In Peter’s case, through fear, he became unsure. Insecure. What James is talking about has more to do with judging between two things. If you ask God for wisdom, then you should act on it when you receive it. Because if you’re asking in the first place, you should know that God’s way is best.”
“Yes.”
“But if, instead, you would prefer to weigh up your options and see what other wisdom there may be out there so you can decide for yourself which is better, then don’t expect anything from God. If you consider the world’s wisdom to have any value, then he’ll leave you with the world’s wisdom. Is that what you did? Choose other wisdom over God’s because you judged it to be better?”
Sydney’s face fell. “No. But when I sank in the sea because I was frightened of the waves, I didn’t cry out to God to save me, I chose a different way instead. I’ve been flailing around in the storm trying to figure out how to walk on water all by myself.”
“Cool.”
“Pardon me?”
“You know your problem now.”
“And that’s cool?”
“Well, sure, ’cause now you can say sorry to God and reset.”
“That doesn’t mean my research will get fixed.”
“No. It doesn’t. I don’t know what will happen with your research, but that’s not what God’s most concerned about right now. He just wants you back. He wants what’s best for you. He’ll find his own way to sort out the cancer stuff. ”
Sydney groaned into her hands. “I’ve made such a mess. I hope he has an answer for my research.”
“You don’t think he cares more about those future patients than you do? I’m sure he can handle it.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“With God, it usually is simple. Obedience is as easy as saying yes. We’re the ones who make it complicated. Trust me. I know.”
Jemi’s head popped out the door. “You guys hungry? I’m making pancakes this morning.”
Sydney’s stomach grumbled in response. “I haven’t had pancakes since I was a girl.”
“I never had them as a girl. Peter introduced them to me after we got married. Maple syrup was a surprise. The things that God’s creation can produce is nothing short of miraculous. I think I eat the pancakes just for the syrup these days. Give me fifteen minutes. The pan is heating up as we speak.” Jemi disappeared again.
“How long have you known Peter and Jemi?” Sydney asked.
“Not very long. It’s probably only been about a year or two. But there is something about them that makes you feel like they’ve been family forever.”
“Yeah. I’ve only just met them, but it’s weird how peaceful I feel here. After everything I’ve been through and now I feel like I’m on vacation.” She took a deep breath of the fresh air. “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.”
“Aaron and I kissed last night.”
Bec straightened. “Really?”
“Sorry to throw that curveball in there, but I don’t have many friends outside of work and you’re easy to talk to. Besides the mess I’ve made of my life, it’s the only other thing I can think about right now.”
