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“It’s just all so much. I’m scared of what they’ll do to Axel,” I tell him. I don’t like thinking about it, but the possibility is there. If they find me, what will happen?
“They don’t know to look here. How would they? You were there that night, Kyla.”
“I regret it. I regret every second of that night, Jake. I shouldn’t have tagged along. I lied to you. It was my choice, and I was angry my father gave the job to Jeremy, so I came along.” Jake tightens his hold on me as my heart crumbles in my chest. I wish to God I never got in the car that night, but then I wouldn’t have met Jake, and I wouldn’t have Axel.
“We all make mistakes, Kyla. That was yours. It’s over now.”
“And you don’t hate me?”
“You didn’t pull the trigger.”
“I was there. It could have been me,” I cry harder now. It could have been me pulling the trigger on his family. Bile scratches at the back of my throat as I think about it.
“It wasn’t you, though. Stop thinking about it. We have to move past that if we’re going to do this,” he tells me. I nod my head but stay tucked into the safety of his arms.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“I know. I know you are.”
“Daddy? The door is ringing,” Axel calls out. I pull away from Jake so he can answer the door while I wipe my face and try to calm myself down. I try not to get emotional in front of Axel, but that doesn’t always work.
Once I’m cleaned up, I head into the kitchen to find them at the table. Jake pulls out a chair and nods for me to take a seat which I do.
“Pizza is the best,” Axel says as he shoves food into his mouth. I can’t help but smile at him. He’s perfect. He’s the best thing that could have happened to me.
“What else do you like?” Jake asks him as we all sit around eating.
“I like trucks and motorcycles. Uncle Striker has a motorcycle,” he tells him.
“His is loud too, isn’t it?” I ask.
“Yeah, it is. Super loud! I like super loud!”
“He lets Axel sit on it and revs it up. It’s the highlight of his day,” I tell Jake.
“Sounds like fun. You know, I have lots of friends with motorcycles,” Jake tells him.
“You do? Can I sit on them?”
“I bet they’d let you. Maybe even go for a ride if mom says it’s okay,” he tells him.
“I think that would be awesome,” I tell him. Axel claps his hands in excitement as Jake smiles over at me.
“I have a few guys coming over tonight. I don’t usually have them around the house, but I want this to be a face-to-face meeting. I’ll wait until Axel is in bed,” Jake tells me. I nod and finish my pizza before cleaning up the kitchen. I’m at the sink washing up the glasses when hands slip around my waist. Jake’s lips come to rest on my neck, and I sigh.
“Are you okay?” I ask him.
“I’m good. This is … I don’t know how to explain what this is, Kyla. I feel a connection to you. I know I do.”
“But?”
“No buts. I just need to get my head together. I need to think straight, and I’m not really doing that right now.”
“I get it. It’s a lot.”
“You don’t get it. I’ve not wanted to be around a woman since then, Kyla, and then you showed up. Now all I can think about is you, and it feels so fucking wrong.” I spin in his arms and look up at him.
“It’s not wrong, Jake. It’s moving on. You had to know eventually, you were going to meet someone new. I don’t think she would be happy that you were with me, though.”
