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“Thank you, Doctor,” she said. “I know you will do everything you can.”
The doctor nodded in acknowledgment of her words and left her alone once again with her papa and the constant beeping of the machines. And she did feel alone. More alone than she’d ever felt in her life. Like a little girl lost at sea in a tiny boat. She could imagine the storm raging around her, threatening to drag her under and drown her.
Her father looked pale, his lips two thin lines pressed around the tubes going into his mouth. “Come on, Papa,” she said quietly. “You can fight this. Please find your way back to me. I need you here.” The last words became a sob.
She missed Thomas’s presence terribly. She regretted throwing him out of the room. He had a reassuring solidity she had already come to depend on. What had she done by making him leave? She wished he would come back and make it all better. But in her heart, she knew even his presence wouldn’t heal her father.
“The doctor says this is up to you, Papa,” she spoke to him encouragingly. “I need you to fight this. Fight to live, Papa!”
Her heart screamed at the sight of him lying so helpless in his bed, and the guilt welled and overwhelmed her once again. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I got involved in a game far too big for me, and now you are suffering the consequences. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt. I never wanted this to happen.”
When she was younger and she was upset, he would sit her on his knee and call her princess. It would make her feel safe and drive all the demons away. Now she had to be the strong one. The one looking out for him, and she didn’t feel up to the task.
She felt the weight of responsibility bearing down far too heavily on her shoulders. In her mind, there was no escape.
“I’m going to leave him,” she told her papa. “I will give him up to keep you safe.”
She suddenly felt like a fool. Simply leaving him wouldn’t work. Sonny would demand recompense. He would insist that she sell Thomas out as per their original agreement. She was still so trapped.
Black despair washed over her again. Her little boat sank beneath the waves, the cold waters closing over her head. She was drowning in a pool of self-loathing and doubt. There was no action she could take that would solve her problems.What a fool I’ve been,she thought for the hundredth time.
“When you’re better, let’s leave this place,” she said. “Let’s go to Europe, visit Paris and Rome. Start a new life away from all this craziness.” Though, she doubted that even Europe would be far enough to get away from Sonny.
She sat back in the chair and closed her eyes. Boy, she was exhausted. She had hardly slept since the accident. She had been on one hell of an emotional roller coaster. It wouldn’t be so bad if she had someone to confide in. But there was no way she could speak about any of this to anyone. They were her problems to sort out alone.
She wondered what Thomas was doing now. Was he heartbroken? Was he relieved? Did he just go back to work? A secret selfish part of her hoped he understood what she had to do and would try to win her back.
She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, though. All her problems were too much for her. She couldn’t really expect Thomas to take them on. He should probably run for the hills from all this. He deserved someone better.
And there she was, back into the self-deprecating pit of shame. She was bad news for everyone. Bad news for Thomas and definitely bad news for her father. She had let another bad thing happen to him, and once again, he was on the brink of death. It was all her fault.
Her bitter musings were interrupted by the door swinging open. Her heart skipped a beat. It was Thomas carrying a couple of coffees and a bag.
“I thought you could do with some refreshments,” he said, putting them on the table by the bed.
She was ripped in two. Her heart thudded in her chest, and the butterflies in her stomach told her she was over the moon that Thomas had come back. But the fear rising in her throat told her that he should get away from her. He was a threat to her father, and she couldn’t have that.
“Thomas, I asked you to leave,” she said.
He looked wounded. “I know,” he replied, “but we’re meant to be together.”
She wanted that with all her heart. She wanted to fall into his arms and be propped up by his strength. “Look at my father,” she said instead. “He’s fighting for his life again because of me. Because I followed my heart.”
“No,” said Thomas emphatically. “He is fighting for his life again because of that shit bag Sonny. This is not your fault.”
He sounded so positive. She wanted to believe him. She wanted it more than anything. But he was wrong. If she’d honored her deal with Sonny, then her father would be on the mend and looking forward to coming home.And Thomas would be dead at the hands of Sonny,she thought to herself. But she quickly silenced that voice. Her father was what mattered here.
“Don’t you see? Innocent people are getting hurt,” she threw at him. “Look at him. The doctor said this shock, on top of everything else, could kill him. You have to leave.” She felt the twinge of hysterical panic creeping into her mind.
In two strides, Thomas was across the room and holding her in his arms. It felt so good. So right. Like this was exactly where she was meant to be. With an iron will, she pushed him back. “We can’t do this, Thomas. There may have been a chance for us in another time or another place. But I can’t risk my father’s life for my own happiness.”
“You’re not seeing things clearly,” he said to her, refusing to let her go. “You can’t defeat Sonny alone. He will own you forever. You know that. But together, we can bring the bastard down.”
She knew his words were true. Alone, Sonny would destroy her. Piece by piece, he would take her apart. She would never be clear of his debt or his threats. But could she risk being with Thomas if this was the result? Her dad wouldn’t survive another shock. That was certain.
“Lorena,” he said. “You belong by my side. Together we can defeat anything. You have to trust me.”
“I do trust you, Thomas. I’m just so scared. My dad is the only family I have left. I can’t lose him.” She could feel her troubles easing, along with her resolve, as he held her in his strong embrace.
